140 Miles East of Gods Country
Week 11 Power Rankings
An overhead view of the middle of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Standings
1. Boats
n Hosmers (8-2) The Boats have started the season on an impressive hot streak
averaging 386 ppg but a fellow GM who would like to remain anonymous is not
worried “Schoon? Yeah, they are starting the season well but he has no
experience winning the big game. If he can keep his team healthy, and that’s a
big IF, then expect nothing more than a first round exit”.
GM Schoon McGoon
thinks otherwise “This is my 3rd year in the league and we have made
the playoffs every season which is unprecedented for an expansion team(See
Cross). With this pace we expect another appearance. If we can cap it off with
a championship they might need to think about replacing one of the faces on Mt.
Rushmore”
2. Hosmer Stole My Girl (7-3) Newcomer Jared
Concannon has taken the league by storm with his Analytic Revolution. We
reached out to Ben Keck, GM of the defending champion Rebel Yell, for his
take on their hot start. “It’s a Mirage, we see this every year. Some team
starts out hot and everyone is clamoring that this will be the year someone
besides the 3 Titans(Yell/Cain’s/Chen’s) wins the league…but it never happens”
3. Rebel
Yell (5-5) Despite leading the league with 394ppg ole Rebel Yell is still just
5-5 due to some bad breaks. The team keeps chugging along though and has
positioned themselves well with the pickup of Sonny Gray off the trash heap.
“Its Ridiculous” GM Ben Keck shouted “Its ridiculous how stupid some people
could be. Waive Sonny Gray 2 months into the season? Come on bro, make it a
challenge for me!”
4. Chen
Music (6-4) The Chen’s are putting together another solid season behind young
guns like Jake Arietta and Stephen Strasbourg. 2 Time champion GM Matt Murphy
has faced some tough questions about his possible overuse of these starters but
responded by saying “Those guys are horses! Did Nyquist wear down after winning
the Kentucky Derby???.....Well, bad example. Look, our eyes are set on winning
our 3rd championship and we have the balance to do so. We don’t rely
on 1,2, or even 5 players, it’s a team effort here”
5. Lo
Cain’s (5-5) GM Sven Murphy has his team rolling on a 4 game winning streak and
attributes it to “The emergence of young players like Eric Hosmer, Bryce Harper
and Steven Matz. These players are young and hungry”. A young and hungry team
combined with Sven’s championship experience(2 Titles) could make this a team
that no one wants to face in the Playoffs.
6. HGH
Junkies (5-5) Perennial bridesmaid Pearce McKinley has put together another
respectable squad this year but Anxiety is setting in that this team may not be
good enough to wear the white dress. “I’m willing to listen to all offers” Maid
of Honor Pearce McKinley said “Kershaw is on the block for the right price. It
would require 2 players clearly above replacement level. I’m not trading
Kershaw for a good player and “Joe the baseball player” who can be found on
waivers.” There you have it folks, a BWKNBNC exclusive, Clayton Kershaw is on
the block.
7. Team
Elephant (5-5) Is fatherhood having an adverse effect on Casey Wayne Walkers
managerial abilities? Lil Charlie may be cuter than an Asian kid in glasses but
Team Elephant’s fans are getting anxious about their 3 game losing streak.
8. Los
Gringos Blancos (4-6) Things were starting to look bleak for the Blancos after
a 0-4 start but GM Cheese Horner rallied the troops back into contention. They
face a HUGE midseason matchup this week against the Junkies and Cheese is
sounding pretty confident “Consider this a fitting for his bridesmaid dress”
9. Team
Cross (3-7) Last years expansion team continues to struggle in the League Of
Extraordinary Gentlemen. GM Alex Cross has refuted rumors that his squad was
thinking about dropping down to AAA saying “ Its been very disappointing but I
have my head high. Injuries and slumps are holding my team back from full
potential. I think we have a few more quality wins under our belt in the second
half of the year”.
10. CW’s
Trouser Trouts (2-8) With a horrendous start GM Juice Van Heche still thinks
the Trout’s have something to play for saying “Our only goal at this point is
to continue to make moves and make the team better. With the complete logjam in
the middle of the standings one good week from my team could ruin one teams
season while allowing another to sneak into the playoffs. It has never been a
thought in my mind to just throw in the towel like GM’s have in the past(Jason
Stanley) as that really takes away from the integrity of the league”.
Those
were strong words issued by Coach Van Heche so we asked if he wanted to retract
his indictment of former GM Jason Stanley, he refused and fired back “There is
a reason he is no longer in the league. In living with him for 5 years I got an
inside look at how he ran his team and needless to say the man was just not fit
to run a baseball squad”
