140 Miles East of Gods Country
First
Round Matchups
I Touchdown There
(8-5) VS Keckism Killers (8-5)
Four weeks ago the Touchdowns demolished the Killers 108-73
and GM Mike Brungy thinks this time will be similar. “We had a must win game
last week and we won so this is nothing new to us. I’m proud of the guys and
think last weeks W will give us some momentum into our matchup with the
Killers”. Coach Gomez will have some tough decisions to make as star WR Michael
Crabtree returns from his 2 week suspension “Crabtree is a game time decision.
I can tell you one thing though….He will not be wearing a god damn chain around
his neck”
Meanwhile Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo never planned on
making it to the playoffs and is in the middle of a 10 day Bender in Las Vegas.
We talked to Darryl Darnell, one of the few remaining Killers fans left, about
what he thought of the head coach spending time in Vegas before the Game “It’s
a disgrace. We have not made the playoffs in 3 years, have never won a playoff
game in our history, and now our coach has gone AWOL to Vegas”. Coach Boo had
another take saying “No game prep is needed, we basically have a double bye
into the title game. We are already preparing to face the Ditkas in 2 weeks”.
Bold statement by the Coach who has never won a playoff game.
Prediction – Killers
96 Touchdowns 82
Huge Ditkas (9-4) VS
Zipper Destroyers (7-6)
The Ditkas are the hottest team in the league riding a 6
game win streak where they have scored over 100 points each week. In a recent
survey all owners participating in the playoffs the Ditkas won every vote as
the favorite to bring home The Martin. Coach Settle says his recent success is
not a flash in the pan “We have put in our best effort the last half of the
season and it truly shows our dedication to practicing the right way week after
week”. The Path to the championship game seems clear cut for the Ditkas, beat
the Destroyers this week and the Reeling Monkeys next week and he is in. Coach
settle doesn’t think it will be that easy though “While it’s a favorable path
to the championship game we are only concerned with the Destroyers right now.
GM Murphy is a trickster and we want to make sure he doesn’t try any sneaky
moves”
It took a Christmas Miracle to get the Destroyers into the
playoffs and now GM Pooch Murphy is hoping for another “Really counting on some
help from the Falcons to slow down the Ditkas big play guys (Thomas/Kamara)” He
opined hopefully “Hope those guys are hungover from their big games last week.
All we have to do it win 2 games before our lord and savior Zeke comes back for
the title game”. Both Jimmy Graham and Woman Beater Mixon are listed as
questionable for this weeks game so the Destroyers may be putting their season
in the hands of Doug “The Muscle Hamster” Martin.
Prediction – Ditkas
106 Destroyers 74
What is the first thing
you do if you win The Martin?
Touchdowns GM Mike Brungy – “First of all it would be
an honor. Second of all I will probably sleep with her the first night, maybe
get a photo op of my balls in it to send to the other owners??!?!? Who knows!”
Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo – “The Martin will be
taped to the hood of my 2011 Toyota Camry for the parade down Main St”
Destroyers GM Pooch Murphy – “Wow, Great Question. If
we win The Martin we will likely glue it to the baseball trophy and turn it
into a duel light saber (Darth Maul style)”
3/5rs GM Benji Keck – “It’s been 6 years too long
since the Martin was in my possession. I imagine we would spend the first
couple hours catching up, maybe over a bottle of wine? Once the pleasantries
are out of the way I’ll invite her into the bedroom and see how Lauren
responds….”
Monkeys GM Pearce Wilson – “If we have the honor of
bringing The Martin home there will be a parade scheduled down 70th
street between Pflumn and Nall. All members of the league will be invited, the
parade will end at the Blue Moose”
Ditkas GM Button Settle – “When we win it all The
Martin will be making its debut appearance in Vegas for March Madness…BLACK
TEN”
