Week 10 Power Rankings

WEEK 10 POWER RANKINGS

TRADE SUMMARY

Monstars acquired Aaron Jones from the PV Police for a 9th round pick. 

Monstars Acquired Phillip Lindsey from the Dawgs for a 7th round pick. 

Farve Dollar Footlongs acquired Eric Ebron and Matt Breida from the PV Police for a 6th round pick. 

Huge Ditkas acquired Antonio Brown from the PV Police for a 3rd round pick. 

Deadbeat Darryls acquired TJ Yeldon from the PV Police for a 5th or 9th round pick. If he gets 250 Touches it will be 5th. If not, 9th. 

Slob on my Cobbs acquired Gronk/Zeke/Lynch from the Texas Dawgs for a 2nd and 6th round pick. 

1. Huge Ditkas 7-2

The Ditkas continue to be the class of the league behind strong play from Kamara/Kelce/Brown. They currently lead the league in points and put up a league high 122 last week with stud RB Joe Mixon on the bench. Look for the Ditkas to continue their strong play and end the season with a 1^st round bye.

2. Raytown Monstars 6-3

Four straight wins have the MonStars sticking their chest out on top of Moron Mountiain. “We didn’t panic early this year after starting 2-3” GM and all around great looking/smelling guy Ben Keck said, “We stuck by the guys we drafted and have added a couple of auxiliary pieces to help during our championship run”. The Monstars have a tough end to the season with 3 games against 6-3 teams coming up.

3. Kaibob Kangol Krew 6-3

With 1 more month on their stadium lease in Phoenix the Krew have seen attendance dwindle but they keep on winning. Last week it was a 40 pt beatdown of the shelter pups and they have a chance to end the Puff’s season this week. If Julio and Theilen can both go off at the same time the Krew can take down any team in the league.

4. The Firechefs 6-3

Due to some pending felony charges GM Justin Van Heche was unable to answer the door on Halloween and instead locked himself in the basement to figure a way out of his self-inflicted salary cap hell. When he emerged from the basement he informed Brooke Van Heche that she was being let go as Assistant GM due to her poor use of the waiver wire salary cap “She took it alright I guess, its not like I was getting laid anyways. I had no choice! She picked up Ito for $50, sat him on the bench then waived him the next week!”

5. Deadbeat Darryls 5-4

The Deadbeat Darryls still have not paid their dues.

6. I Touchdown There 6-3

How are the Touchdowns 6-3? They are averaging about 10 less points per game than the other teams with the same record. The Touchdowns only face 2 more teams with winning records so they should still make the playoffs but expect a quick first round exit for the boys from McKinney TX.

7. Farve Dollar Footlongs 4-5

If the Touchdowns or Darryls stumble the Footlongs are waiting in the wings to take their playoff spot. “It hurts not being in complete control” Coach Sven Said “We need some help but I feel confident that if we win out then we will be in the playoffs. Big game this week against the Ditkas!”

8. Slobb on my cobb 4-5

(Cher Voice) iffffff I could turrrrnnn back time……That what ole tuck tuck has to be thinking about his week 3 trade for Gronk/Zeke/Lynch. After a hot 2-0 start the Cobbs mortgaged their future to win now but instead have gone 2-5 since the deal was completed. They are in the same spot as the Footlongs and need to win out to have a shot at the playoffs.

9. Puff Puff Pass 4-5

Waiting and watching in the wings The Puffs are technically still in the hunt but unless Touchdown Tom and Josh Gordon transform into the Brady/Moss circa 2007 it looks like they will miss the playoffs. 

10. Keckism Killers 3-6

At the start of the year BWKNBNC thought the Keckism Killers were the best team in the league for a second straight season....but then the wheels came off. After starting 3-0 the Killers have lost 6 straight and seen their fans turn on them. "Its freaking bullshit" Killers Super Fan Darnell Johnson said, "That money grubbing Owner Jason Stanley increased season ticket prices by 20% then put this garbage out on the field? CMON MAN"

11. Texas Dawgs 2-7

Rumor out of Plano is the Texas Dawgs will be changing their name to the Shelter Pups after their dismal performance this year. 

12. PV PC Police 1-8

Not much left to play for the the PC Police did manage to snag an extra 9th round pick while on their honeymoon in Turks and Caicos "We never sleep on a good deal" Coach McWilson said. 

Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
13 Miles West of Gods Country AKA Arrowhead Stadium 

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Week 4 of the KSFBFFL league is in the books and we are starting to see the bottom fall out on a couple of teams. After a run of bridesmaid dresses the PV PC Police have struggled to make any arrests so far this year putting up a measly 70.5 points per game en route to an 0-4 record. Not far behind them are the hapless Puff Puff Passes at 1-3 who have yet to break 100 pts. But what do we make of the Texas Dawgs? After starting 0-3 and trading away their 2 best players the dog put up a record 149 points last week! Will GM Dawg Murphy ditch the rebuilding process and try to win now? Keep reading for the answer!

1. Huge Ditkas (3-1) – The Ditkas lead the league in points so far this year and handed the Killers their first loss of the year last week behind a 35 pt performance from Kamara. Despite the hot start fans in the Windy City are taking a wait and see approach after last season’s hot start fizzled out in December. GM Button Settle says this year is different “Our QB1 is just starting to find his groove and as long as Kamara stays healthy we will be in a great position come playoff season. If Larry Legend doesn’t pick it up these next couple of weeks he will need to find himself a new home”. Look for Kamara to come back to earth now that Ingram is back from his PED Suspension.

2. Deadbeat Darryls (3-1) – The Darryl’s are the talk of Lake Lottowana after their 3-1 start despite #1 overall pick Dalvin Cook’s poor start. I reached out Charles Walker who was recently named assistant quality control coordinator and asked just how high the ceiling is on this team if Dalvin can return to form, “HIGH” he said then pointed to his sippy cup “Boom Boom BANG, MY PLAYERS”.  As long as Patty Mahomes is slinging the rock like a cross between Elway/Farve/Brady the Darryls will be in the hunt for the martin.

3. Keckism Killers (3-1) – A week 4 thrashing at the hands of the Ditkas ruined the Killers hope for an undefeated season but to Coach Aces Stanley it was a blessing in disguise. “I don’t want my players focusing on things like that, let the fake news media speculate on teams greatness, we just need to win, just win baby”. If RB Jordan Howard keeps ceding touches to Tarik Cohen the Killers will need another miraculous stretch from Gurley to win back to back titles.

4. Raytown MonStars (2-2) – “We just kept plugging away, getting a little better every day” Coach Lady said when asked about the teams recent 2 game win streak to bring them back to .500. Despite a combined 10 Points from Drake/Evans/Stills the MonStars had their best showing on the year last week in a 130-89 Beatdown of the Cobbs. If Josh Gordon can get in Rhythm with Touchdown Tom the MonStars could be hoisting The Martin from the summit of Moron Mountain.

5. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-1) – QB Drama in the desert? GM Keene Cheese has been getting an earful from Fans about replacing Aaron Rodgers with Matt Ryan and has his own theories about Rodgers slow start “Its that dam woman Danica Patrick” He grumbled. “She’s like a STD that affects your performance. Look at Ricky Stenhouse JR, a real up and comer until he and Danica Started knocking boots. Now it’s a miracle if he can actually finish a race with an intact car. Same thing is going on with Rodgers right now and Matty Ice has definitely earned himself a look at the starting job”

6. Slob on my Cobb (2-2) – “We have not seen the return we Expected from the players we acquired” coach Tuck Tucker said about his recent acquisition of Gronk/Zeke/Lynch. Some asshole Cobb fans are blaming the arrival of tiny lil adorable baby drake for the Cobbs recent 2 game slide and coach Tucker doesn’t deny it “I’m getting hazed by my own blood here, the sleep deprivation is real”.

7. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-2) –  The Footlongs lost a heartbreaker last week to the arch-rival Firechiefs but have an easy rebound game this week against the winless PV PC Police and GM Sven Murphy is feeling cocky. “The local boys are back from their bye and Edelman will be inserted into the line up” The Jovial Fat Man Murphy said “Lets just say we don’t expect to get pulled over by the Police this weekend, hehehehehehe”

8. I Touchdown There (2-2) – After a hot 2-0 start the Touchdowns have slid back to their rightful place of being mired in mediocrity but GM Mike Gomez isn’t concerned “Its been a rough couple of weeks. No urgency though, just have to keep the bus moving”.

9. The Firechiefs (2-2) – Despite a 2-2 record thanks to 2 consecutive wins Firechief fans and beat reporters have been critical of Coach Van Kueser’s roster selection but coach doesn’t care “We honestly don’t care if we are respected by the media or not. The main thing here is that we are 2-2 without 2 of our best players, LeVeon and Devonta Freeman. We will get both back in a matter of weeks and believe we will be right in the thick of things”. Firechief faithful hope he is right as the team needs a lot of help, only 2 players scored in double digits during last weeks win vs the Footlongs.

10. Puff Puff Pass (1-3) – “Its been a rough start to the season, no one to blame but Management” Coach Puff explained “Things won’t get any easier this week against the powerhouse MonStars and if we lose it will be time to build towards a successful season in 2019”.

11. Texas Dawgs (1-3) – The Dawgs came out of nowhere last week and shocked the Puffs with a 149 pt performance. After trading 3 of their best players for draft picks some Dawg fans are having buyers remorse and dreaming about what could have been this season. Will GM Dawg Murphy seize on this momentum and make move to win in 2018? “We are sticking to our strategy of playing for the future” GM Dawg said, “We are sellers and Villains this year, the dawgs will enjoy playing the spoiler role the rest of the year”

    

1. Prairie Village PC Police (0-4) – It looks to be a dreary fall in Prairie Village this year as the PC Police are struggling to put fans in the seat. I reached out to PC Police super fan Darnell McDermot for his take on the teams struggle “I’ll tell you what, that dam playboy owner McKinney has lost his Mojo ever since he decided to get hitched. And during the middle of the season?!? Come on!”. BWKNBNC reached out to GM Pearce Wilson and asked if his upcoming nuptials have negatively effected his team “That’s not true. We knew this could be a rebuilding year after dealing several draft picks last season during the playoff push. We think the talent on our team is better than our record indicates but the fans expect to win every year”.

2018 Week 2 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
120 Miles East of Gods Country

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS! 

1. Kaibob Kangol Krew (1-0) – WOW! Who saw a 128 pt week 1 victory coming from Keene Cheese? Certainly not the esteemed media members that follow the KSBFFL! Its certainly possible that the fighting white robes from the desert will come crashing back to reality if Aaron Rodgers misses significant time but for now they are on top.

2. The Huge Ditkas (1-0) – An impressive week 1 win over the always competitive MonStars has GM Button Settle feeling confident “We had a great draft. I missed the Memo on keepers but unlike some other teams in the league I didn’t have to wait 6 rounds between picks”. Button Settle better hope Alvin Kamarakura keeps playing like a stud if we he going to be throwing that kind of shade around.

3. Farve Dollar Footlongs (1-0) – Will a move to the Tar Heel state help turn Sven Murphy’s franchise around? Sven thinks so and much like his days at 509 he has been picking up the local boys “We are leaning on our hometown heroes Cam and Christian. Pairing them with our amazing receiving core (OBJ, Jarvis Landry, Keenan Allen) should bring us back to our rightful position on the top of the league”

4. Keckism Killers (1-0) – The Killers defended their championship with an easy win over the hapless dawgs from Texas but lost star WR Marquise Goodwin to a severed leg. “Its tough, real tough to lose a guy like Marquise” Defending champion Jason Aces Stanley said, “But as hard as this loss is Marquise just wasn’t a key part of our ball club. As long as Todd THE MACHINE Gurley is on our squad we feel good about our chances of repeating”.

5. The FIrechefs (0-1) – Despite an impressive 120 point performance the FireChefs started the year out with a tough loss to the KKK. “I’m not happy about my draft and I expect to lose every game” Head Ball coach Justin Van Heche said. With LeVeon Bell out all season with a poor attitude Coach Van Heche better hope James Conner Brings his lunch pail in every week.

6. Deadbeat Darryls (0-1) – When 3 players score 70% of your points its never a good sign but the Darryls should get back on a winning track if Dalvin Cook and Jimmy Graham can find the end zone.

7. Slob on my Cobb (1-0) – Week 1 wasn’t pretty for ole Tuck Tuck but he eeked out a 4 point win over the Puffs. “To be honest I didn’t even set my lineup as I HAVE A SMALL CHILD INSIDE OF ME TRYING TO COME OUT AND I REALLY JUST WANT IT OUT SO I CAN POUND SANGARITAS AGAIN” GM Jenny Trupka said.

8. Raytown MonStars (0-1) – Coach Lady was pretty angry after their week one loss and was overheard dressing her team down in the locker room after their week 1 loss “YOU ARE ALL PATHETIC, PATHETIC WASTES OF ATHLETIC ABILITY. IF I HAD OPPOSABLE THUMBS I WOULD STRANGLE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU”. Look for Kareem “The Dream” Hunt to be more involved in their week 2 matchup.

9. Texas Dawgs (0-1) – “Considering we had 2 picks in the first 7 rounds we are happy with where our team is after week 1” Coach Dawg said. “We fully expect Marcus to be a top 3 QB by the end of the season and won’t sit on our laurels if we think we have a chance to win this year”. Of course not Matthew, of course not.

10. Puff Puff Pass (0-1) -  After spending all week trying to trade Carlos Hyde GM Puff Meyers left him and his 12 points on the bench last week which costs him a win in week 1. “I took some bad advice, look for Carlos to be back in the starting lineup.

11. I Touchdown There (1-0) – Despite a week 1 victory the Touchdowns have a lot of unanswered questions heading into week 2. Will Big Ben still be the starter? Will David Johnson ever return to his 2016 form? Will Little Baby Coop be ready to take over the franchise in 40 years?

12. Prairie Village PC Police (0-1) – We are all dumber after seeing your week 1 performance. I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.