Ben Ji

140 Miles east of gods country

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

1. Biden Pulls Out (3-0-1)

Derrick Henry has put the Pull Outs on his strong muscular veiny back and carried them to an undefeated start. "Its really impressive what that beautiful man can do" Coach Keck said "Every time he carries the ball I get this sensation down there, it builds and builds...the tension rising and them BOOM. He pounds one into the hole and scores and all that tension is released in a beautiful moment". 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "Its meat between bread, of course its a sandwich"

2. I Touchdown There (4-0)

The Touchdowns are the only 4-0 team left but Coach Brungy is not letting that go to his head "The Ditkas are a good looking team. We are looking forward to the match up and are confident in our ability to come home with the W".  With Ty'Son Williams dealing with injuries could the Touchdowns be in the market for a RB? "We are always open to entertaining trades. If anything goes down we will be sure to give the finest sports news corp a heads up" Coach said. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "Absolutely not. Thats the most absurd argument I have ever heard"

3. PV Leg Hounds (3-1)

With a huge matchup against the Pull Outs coming up the Leg Hounds are feeling pretty relaxed "We look forward to the challenge of playing a good football team" Coach McKinney said. When asked about any potential trades in the works he didn't even bat an eye "I'm focused on winning the next game, we leave all potential player acquisitions to Lola"

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "I don't see why not and I've never found a sandwich I didn't like"

4. The Huge Ditkas (3-1)

"The Touchdowns are going to be our toughest matchup yet" Coach Button Settle said "We lost our local boy Montgomery so we are going to get creative in order to get the W" With Hurts and Kamara this team still has the horses to beat anyone in the league. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "I'm not sure about a hot dog but that taco bell chicken taco is a taco not a sandwich"

5. Roughing The Kooch (2-1-1)

A late week stat correction changed the Kooch's loss to the Pull Outs into a tie which delighted playboy owner Scott Harris "Lets just say a VP at ESPN had a little too much fun in my Yacht off Thailand one time and I called in a favor". The Kooch's are also looking forward to their matchup with the steamers this week and where Harris plans to "Give them a taste of their own name". 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "A hot dog is a hot dog. Not a sandwich. No need to make life more complicated than it already is"

6. The Dem in Dementia (2-2)

"When you have a championship level GM you have to use him" GM Dirty Dawg Murphy said in our interview this week. "Look, I'm not even sure who we are playing this week as I've been to busy working the phones trying to make this team better". Can the Dem's keep winning?

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "Is a football a baseball? No. A hot dog is 100% not a sandwich. Just because there is meat in between bread don't make it a sandwich"

7. Cleveland Steamers (1-3)

The Steamers got crushed last weekend by the Pull Outs and the sidewalk in Aggieville. Things are not looking any better this week as the Kooch's are ready to kick ole Tuck in the balls over and over again. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "Can you fit a sandwich down your throat? Didn't think so"

8. Keckism Killers (2-2)

Finding themselves right in the middle of the rankings Coach Stanley is not in panic mode quite yet "We feel good about our team, no specific trade plans are in the works but we are always open for business". If they can get past the Dem's next week the Killers could shoot up the rankings. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "No"

9. The Firechiefs (1-3)

The fans on Carter Circle have been clinching their balloon knots all week as they prepare to face the Sphincter's on Sunday. "Its a huge rivalry game and we cannot have a letdown like last week" Assistant GM Millie Van Heche said. If they don't win this game against the hapless footlongs then look for the Chiefs to start selling off their pieces. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "This is a stupid argument. A hot dog is not a sandwich"

10. Lotawana Lake Rats (1-3)

The lake rats are refusing to speak with the media so I will refuse to write about them. 

11. Puff Puff Pass (1-3)

Puff's owner Austin Meyers let off some steam in Manhattan last weekend and is still paying the price "Look, the only person who partied harder than me was Urban Meyer" puff said. The Puff's have a huge matchup against the lake rats this week, a loss here and all indications are they will be looking ahead to 2022. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "A hot dog is not a sandwhich"

12. Farve Dollar Footlong (0-4)

Has apathy already set in at falcon valley? The Footlongs have started the year off 0-4 and there have been rumors of players sleeping with the owners wife. Steve Murphy has put the whole team on the trading block and will be looking to start fresh next year. 

Is a Hotdog a sandwich? "Fits in your ass either way"