ben ji
120 miles east of gods country
WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS
Farve Dollar Footlongs Stave Off "WOKE" Mob To Claim Top Spot
Rumors of PED use swirl around the league
Rumors of PED use swirl around the league
1. F*vre Dollar Footlongs (2-0)
The Footlongs have been under siege by the WOKE media for a couple of weeks now and have declared war on the MSNBC/CNN/Twitter MOB by naming Brett F*vre their team chaplain. Thats not the only change according to Sven Murphy "The veteran ownership of this team has introduced a new film review strategy that provides unlimited massage therapy while the players are watching film" he said. According to Sven he claims he learned this strategy from the Texans and signed their personal massage therapist after their players reported "Excitement for massage/film study sessions" and "Post Nut Clarity" last year after these sessions.
2. Millie's Fire Chiefs (2-0)
There hasn't been much to cheer for off Carter Circle in recent years but Millie Van Heche has invigorated the franchise in her first year in charge as they have started 2-0. "I've heard the rumors about our teams PED use and all I can say is we don't comment on rumors. We will continue to put our heads down and keep working, the Dem in Dementia's will be a tough challenge for us next week but we will be ready"
3. Dem in Dementia (1-1)
Despite putting up the second highest point total of week two the Dem's were emasculated by the Footlongs. Offensive Coordinator Dean Murphy knows things don't get any easier next week when they head to carter circle to take on the fire chiefs "Have you seen their coach millie? Total babe. No way I'm going to be able to keep my players focused on the game with just juice boxes so I had our trainers double our typical PED regimen for the week".
4. Puff Puff Pass (2-0)
The Puff's are off to their best start in years on the backs of Jalapeno Hurts and D'Andrew Swift which has Puff's owner feeling cocky "I'm going out to beautiful Hays KS this weekend for a wedding so its on the players to keep their Focus" Coach Meyers said. When asked to comment on the rumors swirling regarding PED use Meyers clarified "Our team is into downers, not uppers".
5. Two Gurley's One Kupp (1-1)
Week one was a disappointment for the perennial powerhouse program led by extremely good looking GM Ben Ji but the Kupps responded with a dominating performance in week two. "Lady is a great coach" GM Ben Ji said. "When I put her on half rations for losing in week 1 she responded by doubling our teams PED distribution. Moves like that are why she will one day be the first bitch inducted into the KSFBFFL Hall Of Fame".
6. PV Football Team (2-0)
Pearce Pearce McKinney is jet setting around Europe while his team continues to win leading some fans in PV wondering if they really even need a coach.
7. Keckism Killers (1-1)
The Killers bounced back from a disappointing week one loss by eviscerating the Ditkas in week two. When asked about his preparation for The Touchdowns next week GM Jason "Boo" Stanley seemed to confirm the rumors that have been spreading about blatant UPPER abuse "We aren't worried about the Touchdowns next week, in fact, I'm going to take the whole team to the titty bars the night before them give them a couple addy's in the morning and we'll win by 40".
8. Lottawana Lake Rats (1-1)
Some fans have claimed that Lake Rats owner Casey Wayne didn't have enough money to buy his players PED's last week which led to their 60 point beat down but Ole Wayne denies that was the case "It was the heat wave that rolled through last week" he said. "Our players were not accustomed to the heat. We are going to be making a change at QB this week and are looking to trade some WR's for a RB1".
9. Huge Ditkas (0-2)
The recent move from Chicago to Indianapolis has not gone well for the Ditkas as they start the season 0-2. "Focus is tough at the moment" Coach Button Settle said "We know we have a tough game next week and this will be a true testament to see how the Ditkas handle the Footlongs dominant players. Also I have no faith in Russ, Burn him down".
10. I Touchdown There (0-2)
With the offseason addition of Ford "The Chamber" Brungy to the coaching staff some pundits thought this might be the year that the Touchdowns finally win a championship but things are not off to a great start. "We have had some tough losses and that falls squarely on our coaches shoulders. In regards to the PED use thats FAKE NEWS just like your blog".
11. Cleveland Steamers (0-2)
Besides all the PED rumors flying around the KSFBFFL the Steamers are dealing with rumors of a players only meeting being called after week 2. "The Steamers front office is aware of the players only meeting that has been called and we are going to let them have this one" Coach Tuck Tuck said before finishing his statement "We had a disastrous 2022 Draft so we are hoping this meeting will bring unity to this team. We hope the lord will bless us with a productive meeting since we have a do or die matchup against the Puffs this week".
12. Roughing The Kooch (0-2)
The Kooch's are barely averaging 50 points a game but reformed Playboy GM Scott Harris says its all part of the plan. "We are a family oriented team now and have a zero tolerance policy for any criminal offenses or PED use. We are pulling out the West Coast playbook this week and putting our players back in a lockdown bubble to get them focused. Dedicated housing free of the evil hedonistic distractions of the outside world. I want to keep my players focused on our lord/football and not scrolling through Instagram Thirst Traps".
