KSFBFFL Week 11 Power Rankings

 KSFBFFL WEEK 11 POWER RANKINGS

1. F*vre Dollar Footlongs (9-1)

The Footlongs cruised to an easy victory over the Lake Rats last week to claim the top spot in the prestigious BWKNBNC power rankings. "We brought in Mr. F*vre last week as a guest speaker and our team responded to his words and complimentary green and white crocs to be worn in our state of the art massage therapy center...We even added a certain QB who used to live in Houston to give us some tips on how to improve our massage therapy center and provide some depth for the playoffs". 

2. The Firechiefs (8-2)

Firechiefs owner Millie Vanillie has no recollection of her teams last title but knows that she will stop at nothing to keep that chauvinistic prick Sven Murphy from winning another title "That man is everything that is wrong with our Patriarchal sexist society and I plan to END HIM...We are going to keep our nose to the grindstone until we win The Martin then we will promptly destroy the trophy and replace it with a gender neutral ribbon". 

3. PV Football Club (8-2)

After putting the hapless Keckism Killers in their place last weekend the Football Club faces a key test against the Ditkas this week. Owner Pearce Pearce Wilson was not concerned about his matchup last week "The Killers are but a leaf in our way, we brushed them aside and are focused on securing a first round bye in our pursuit to hold the martin for a second time"

4. Two Gurleys One Kupp (5-5)

The Kupps are on a 3 game winning streak and led all teams in points scored last week. We caught up with GM Lady Keck out at the Keck Autonomous Zone last weekend where she was pouring over game film while her owner drank beer and cried about his lack of success at killing birds "The further that fuck head Ben is away from my team the better, next thing you know he is going to trade our next 3 first round draft picks for Deshaun Watson in hopes of getting some insight on how to arrange massages". 

5. Huge Ditkas (6-4)

Despite having the second highest point total last week the Ditkas fell to the juggernaut that is the Kupp's. Recently married owner Matt Settle has come to a sobering conclusion "Maybe I should cheat more, on my wife, in fantasy football, in life in general...if you aint first your last". Somber words from a man broken by crushing defeat. 

6. Puff Puff Pass (5-5)

While Owner Puff Meyers team is reeling in the KSFBFFL he is living HIGH on the hog in the real world. "The Puffs locker room went a little too hard after the passage of amendment 3 last week. Injuries and Bye weeks will be a challenge this week against the Ditkas but we plan to finish the season strong"

7. Keckism Killers (4-6)

The Killers are focused on one thing and one thing only "We just need to be a little bit better then the Puffs. If we can get into the dance then I can steal anyone's girl". Bold words from the Big Ma(c)n. 

8. I Touchdown There (4-6)

Despite being 1 game under .500 and facing the PATHETIC Lake Rats this week Touchdown's owner Mike Gomez has decided to throw in the towel. "I have instructed Coach Coop to tank for a better draft pick, play all the shittiest players, it doesn't matter"

9. Roughing the Kooch (4-6)

Editors Note - I forgot to text Scotty for his comment so I will update once I hear back from him

10. Dem in Dementia (3-7)

The Dawgs have been living on borrowed time for years trading away draft picks for players but that has changed this year according to Alpha Dawg Matt Murphy (who is afraid of New Orleans) "We plan to finish the season breaking hearts and spoiling dreams. We have hit the rebuild button when we traded Tyreek and Mixon for some draft picks. We've realized this day would come for a while but we just kept winning so the rebuild has been put on pause until now"

11. Cleveland Steamers (3-7)

Even though they only scored 69 points last week (Nice!) GM Tucker Trupka is still optimistic about his squads chances saying "So your telling me there is a chance?!? We are the team of miracles". 

12. Lake Rats (1-9)

Its been a rough year out at Lake Lottawana and GM Rattlesnake Wayne is pulling out all the excuses "Go look at my IR and all the injuries on my team. We never stood a chance". 

 Ben Ji

130 miles east of gods country

Firechiefs or Footlongs. WHO IS NUMBER 1?!?

(Answer below)

The 14th edition of the KSFBFFL is one for the ages as two old nemesis's who have spent the better part of the last decade as bystanders in the playoffs are finally in contention for The Martin. 

POWER RANKINGS

1. The FireChiefs (6-2)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Did we draft the most talented players that were available when we picked?  Absolutely.  That being said, we also did a deep dive into what makes these guys tick.  We feel that we not only found a bunch of talented players but also those who are relentless in their pursuit of success and winning.

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: Steven Francis

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: That Circle faced chick Salamander Gomez something

2. F*rve Dollar Footlong (7-1)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Massage therapy

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: There's no real contender outside of the FDF's

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Patrick Mahomes in the State Farm commercials 

3. PV Football Club (6-2)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Defending the Martin keeps everyone motivated 

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: The firecrotches (sic) or sphincters

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men

4. The Huge Ditkas (5-3)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: After our slump to start the season we are on the strongest turnaround of any team. We are excited to win the Martin or at least most improved team ribbon 

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: Any of our starters have the ability to bring home the Martin. And overcooked Russ will watch from the bench. (Editors note...WTF was this answer?)

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Ben Keck; for acting year after year like he has a chance to win

5. Puff Puff Pass (5-3)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: YOUR

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: TEAM

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: SUCKS

6. Two Gurleys One Kupp (3-5)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: We are on a mission to do one thing and one thing only...win The Martin. We will not rest until we do. 

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: Are any of these Puds gonna beat Lamar and CMC in the playoffs? Didnt think so. 

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Tim McGraw in Friday Night Lights

7. The Dem in Dementia (3-5) 

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Naked midgets, or short people (as the alphabet people call them) in the locker room has given some of the guys some extra push. 

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: You can make a case for Justin Pearce or Steve this year, but I think the Ditkas have the experience and players to hoist the Martin this year. One Kupp looks sexy on paper but too many selfish players in that locker room with poor management will result in a wild card loss.

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: I admire Nick Cage. Big breadth of work from con air to the family man. He's consistent and coincidentally a long time season ticket holder!

8. I Touchdown There (3-5)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Long time no talk! Thought you guys went out of business for a second. Did you get another government handout? The TDs have hit a bit of a rough patch this year. Had some player movement in the offseason and we knew it was gonna be tough. We are rebuilding and going to be stronger next year! The win over the Two Gurleys One Kupp really motivated the guys. Even when the team is down we can still kick the shit out of a Ben Keck led team!

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: The Footlongs are sure looking strong again. Hoping the Firechiefs can sneak it though.

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Emilia Clarke - big fan of Daenerys!

9. Cleveland Steamers (3-5)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: There was dissension in the ranks when it was announced "the team is for sale"

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: Fire chiefs have a hot squad

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A: Tucker Carlson

10. Roughing the Kooch (2-6)

Q:How are you keeping your team motivated week in week out?

A: Our media team has coordinated the following responses from Coach Harris:

We have a losing record but we are scoring more points and constantly improving. We were number 4 in points last week. Make no mistake, the men want blood and there are still plenty of games left. 

Q: If you had to pick one team besides yourself to win The Martin who would it be?

A: I'll go with the Firechiefs. If anyone deserves the Martin, it is Coach CW after a few disappointing seasons. Everyone loves a comeback story. 

Q: Favorite Actor/Actress?

A:I'm going to go with Sarah Snook (lead actress in Succession). Whew... I mean, come on. 

UNRANKED

Keckism Killers

Lottawana Lakerats

WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

 ben ji
120 miles east of gods country

WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

Farve Dollar Footlongs Stave Off "WOKE" Mob To Claim Top Spot
Rumors of PED use swirl around the league

1. F*vre Dollar Footlongs (2-0)

The Footlongs have been under siege by the WOKE media for a couple of weeks now and have declared war on the MSNBC/CNN/Twitter MOB by naming Brett F*vre their team chaplain. Thats not the only change according to Sven Murphy "The veteran ownership of this team has introduced a new film review strategy that provides unlimited massage therapy while the players are watching film" he said. According to Sven he claims he learned this strategy from the Texans and signed their personal massage therapist after their players reported "Excitement for massage/film study sessions" and "Post Nut Clarity" last year after these sessions. 

2. Millie's Fire Chiefs (2-0)

There hasn't been much to cheer for off Carter Circle in recent years but Millie Van Heche has invigorated the franchise in her first year in charge as they have started 2-0. "I've heard the rumors about our teams PED use and all I can say is we don't comment on rumors. We will continue to put our heads down and keep working, the Dem in Dementia's will be a tough challenge for us next week but we will be ready"

3. Dem in Dementia (1-1)

Despite putting up the second highest point total of week two the Dem's were emasculated by the Footlongs. Offensive Coordinator Dean Murphy knows things don't get any easier next week when they head to carter circle to take on the fire chiefs "Have you seen their coach millie? Total babe. No way I'm going to be able to keep my players focused on the game with just juice boxes so I had our trainers double our typical PED regimen for the week". 

4. Puff Puff Pass (2-0)

The Puff's are off to their best start in years on the backs of Jalapeno Hurts and D'Andrew Swift which has Puff's owner feeling cocky "I'm going out to beautiful Hays KS this weekend for a wedding so its on the players to keep their Focus" Coach Meyers said. When asked to comment on the rumors swirling regarding PED use Meyers clarified "Our team is into downers, not uppers". 

5. Two Gurley's One Kupp (1-1)

Week one was a disappointment for the perennial powerhouse program led by extremely good looking GM Ben Ji but the Kupps responded with a dominating performance in week two. "Lady is a great coach" GM Ben Ji said. "When I put her on half rations for losing in week 1 she responded by doubling our teams PED distribution. Moves like that are why she will one day be the first bitch inducted into the KSFBFFL Hall Of Fame".

6. PV Football Team (2-0)

Pearce Pearce McKinney is jet setting around Europe while his team continues to win leading some fans in PV wondering if they really even need a coach. 

7. Keckism Killers (1-1)

The Killers bounced back from a disappointing week one loss by eviscerating the Ditkas in week two. When asked about his preparation for The Touchdowns next week GM Jason "Boo" Stanley seemed to confirm the rumors that have been spreading about blatant UPPER abuse "We aren't worried about the Touchdowns next week, in fact, I'm going to take the whole team to the titty bars the night before them give them a couple addy's in the morning and we'll win by 40". 

8. Lottawana Lake Rats (1-1)

Some fans have claimed that Lake Rats owner Casey Wayne didn't have enough money to buy his players PED's last week which led to their 60 point beat down but Ole Wayne denies that was the case "It was the heat wave that rolled through last week" he said. "Our players were not accustomed to the heat. We are going to be making a change at QB this week and are looking to trade some WR's for a RB1". 

9. Huge Ditkas (0-2)

The recent move from Chicago to Indianapolis has not gone well for the Ditkas as they start the season 0-2. "Focus is tough at the moment" Coach Button Settle said "We know we have a tough game next week and this will be a true testament to see how the Ditkas handle the Footlongs dominant players. Also I have no faith in Russ, Burn him down". 

10. I Touchdown There (0-2)

With the offseason addition of Ford "The Chamber" Brungy to the coaching staff some pundits thought this might be the year that the Touchdowns finally win a championship but things are not off to a great start. "We have had some tough losses and that falls squarely on our coaches shoulders. In regards to the PED use thats FAKE NEWS just like your blog". 

11. Cleveland Steamers (0-2)

Besides all the PED rumors flying around the KSFBFFL the Steamers are dealing with rumors of a players only meeting being called after week 2. "The Steamers front office is aware of the players only meeting that has been called and we are going to let them have this one" Coach Tuck Tuck said before finishing his statement "We had a disastrous 2022 Draft so we are hoping this meeting will bring unity to this team. We hope the lord will bless us with a productive meeting since we have a do or die matchup against the Puffs this week".

12. Roughing The Kooch (0-2)

The Kooch's are barely averaging 50 points a game but reformed Playboy GM Scott Harris says its all part of the plan. "We are a family oriented team now and have a zero tolerance policy for any criminal offenses or PED use. We are pulling out the West Coast playbook this week and putting our players back in a lockdown bubble to get them focused. Dedicated housing free of the evil hedonistic distractions of the outside world. I want to keep my players focused on our lord/football and not scrolling through Instagram Thirst Traps".