140 Miles East of Gods Country
KSFBFFL Power Rankings
Look at this Smug Sack of Shit. Despite selecting STEVEN JACKSON as his keeper he knew he would have no problem in his week one match up against the Dixieland 3/5rs. In the Three years since he has joined the league The Touchdowns have come out swinging on week one scoring 102, 120 and 114 points, all victories over the Dixieland 3/5rs.
We reached out to Douchebag Micheal to ask him a couple of questions.
What do you attribute your success in week one to?
"I attribute our early success to our preparation in the off season and hard work during training camp. We made a couple moves in the draft that allowed us to better leverage our strengths and as you can see its working out well for us so far"
Was there any household Pressure to select Steven Jackson as your keeper? Some sources have reported links between Shannon Brundgart and Steven Jackson as a possible reason for the bizarre keeper selection.
"There was no pressure from the Boss to keep Jackson, those rumors are untrue and have no basis in reality. We think he still has alot of positives that he can contribute to our team and we are excited to see him on the field next week."
The Touchdowns looked like world beaters last week, how do you think they will fair this season?
The sky is the limit this year. We really think that after feeling out the league for the first couple of seasons and making the playoffs one of those years we are ready to take home the hardware. Its a long season though.....Staying healthy is a big part of success so talk to me again in 12 weeks and we will see. Just have to keep sawing wood. Speaking of wood I gotta run, the boss woman is ovulating and needs some attention if you know what I mean (Winks and walks away)"
1. I Touchdown There (1-0)
Scoring a KSFBFFL high 115 points in week one puts the touchdowns at the top spot in the inaugural power rankings. The Touchdowns have a formidable threesome in QB Matt Ryan/RB LeVon Bell/TE Vernon Davis that should keep them in most games. If the touchdowns want to hold on to the top spot throughout the season they will need some more production from Fred Jackson and Larry Fitzgerald.
2. West Canaan Coyotes (1-0)
The Coyotes owner Harrison Poole traded the farm last season and appears to be reaping the benefits. In a sport that puts emphasis on productive RB's no one in the KSFBFFL can match this teams depth at Running back(Matt Forte/Reggie Bush/Giovani Bernard/Knowshon Moreno). A top end QB may be the only thing holding this team back from a championship, look for one of these backs to be dealt by mid season. We reached out to GM Harrison Poole who told us "Anything can happen".
3. Raw Dawgs (1-0)
Locking up the 3 spot this week are the Dawgs who thoroughly dismantled the storied Polygamy Pounders in week one. The Dawgs are led by a pair of Mile High Studs(Manning/Ball) and a solid cast of surrounding characters.
4. Slobb on my Cobb (1-0)
The Cobbs are another team that has benefited from the new rules allowing draft picks to be traded as they crushed the Lucky Tate's last week. Matthew Stafford and Marshawn Lynch (Combined 53 points) may be the best QB/RB combo in the league. If the Cobbs can get solid production from Andre Ellington/Torrey Smith/Alshon Jeffery this season could be special. GM Tristan Trupka already has a planned for increased production from those three saying simply "Lashings".
5. Dixieland 3/5r's (0-1)
Despite scoring 95 points last week the 3/5rs were once again crushed in week one by the Touchdowns. 4th round pick Cam Newton should return next week to give the 3/5rs a lift in their match up against he defending champs. A RB core that was questioned going into the year had a solid showing in week one. GM Ben Keck plans to keep "Chopping wood" and stay focused on "Getting a little better every day".
6. 50 Shades of Taint (1-0)
The Taints pulled out a W last week but didn't look very impressive in their 84-68 win over the Puff's. Steven Murphy doesn't seem concerned about Adrian Peterson and Dez Bryant's lack of production saying "I take full Responsibility, I didn't get the ball in their hands enough. But, ultimately a W was first on our list and we accomplished that". RB Carlos Hyde was a bright spot on the bench and could become a starter by mid season.
7. Keckism Killers (1-0)
Is this the year the Killers break their championship drought? Team owner Jason Jones certainly thinks so saying "If the 3/5rs can win back to back titles, WHY NOT US??!?" Unfortunately for the Killers they lacked championship form while sleepwalking to a W over the PV Porch monkeys. If the Killers are for real about competing for a championship they will need some more production from Aaron Rodgers and their WR's.
8. Polygamy Pounders (0-1)
The Pounders have been a model of consistency by reaching the playoffs every year since they relocated to Utah but could this be the year they miss the cut? Injuries to RB Eddie Lacy and Toby Gerhart have the Pounders scrounging the waiver wire for replacements.
9. FireChefs (0-1)
Championship Hangover maybe? GM Juice VanKueser agree's saying "We have a bad team this year. The owner was drunk when he drafted...luckily the championship bought me at least 5 years with the fans so I can afford a shitty season. Hell just look at the 3/5r's, they haven't won a title since Prince was a coach and their fans still show up". Cordelle Patterson looks to be a great selection but may have his production canceled out by a slumping Zac Stacy.
10. PV Porch Monkeys (0-1)
Speaking of championship game hangovers the Monkeys certainly looked uninspired in their week one loss to the Killers. If the Monkeys want to compete for a championship again this year they are going to need more production from the #14 overall pick Doug Martin who scored 0 points last week.
11. Puff Puff Pass (0-1)
The Puff's shocked the world last year with a 3rd place finish but seem to have lost their way putting up a measly 68 points in a week one loss to the taints. The Puff's have the talent to compete but need to avoid starting 0-4 before getting WR Wes Welker back from suspension.
12. My Lucky Tate (0-1)
The Tate's vowed that this year would be different, they were a changed team and had a responsible married GM at the helm...Unfortunately things looked the same as always in week one. QB Andrew Luck was the only player in double digits and Jamaal Charles only scored 2 points.
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