140 East of Gods Country
Week 2 KSFBFFL Power Rankings
This weeks top spot belongs to the West Canaan Coyotes led by reclusive owner Sir Harrison W Poole. This picture, taken on the French Riviera (Ozarks) in 2006, is the last known sighting of Sir Poole. There are many rumors about his current whereabouts including leaving to fight ISIS as a one man wrecking ball, in hiding due to his chronic masturbatory syndrome or possibly just living a normal post-grad life in Prairie Village. One thing is for sure, the Coyotes are the team to beat in 2014.
Here at BWKNonBlogNewsCorp we make it a point to cover every story in depth so we reached out to Sir Harrison W Poole's secretary and were granted a brief interview with the man, the myth, the legend.
Are you surprised by your teams success so far this year?
In West Canaan, Football is a way of life - We always expect good results.
I noticed that Ray Rice is still on your ball club, are you making a statement that you support beating women?
We will refrain from commenting on the Ray Rice situation, the league has our full support.
Julian Thomas has been a complete stud this year. How were you able to acquire him AND a second round pick for Marshawn Lynch last year?
Julius Thomas was a great acquisition last year. It takes a keen eye to recognize talent at an early point in a players career - Some organizations have it and some obviously do not.
Any predictions on how this year turns out?
I'm not one to make bold declarations but let me tell you this. We have the most talent we've had since Tweeter/Billy Bob/Wendell and Mox graced the sidelines back in 99.
1. West Canaan Coyotes (2-0)
After week 2 the Coyotes are the only undefeated team left thanks to herculean performances by Jordy Nelson(26 Points) and Giovani Bernard (22 Points). Their trade of Marshawn Lynch last season keeps paying dividends as Julio Thomas caught another touchdown pass last week.
2. Raw Dawg (1-1)
The Dawgs put up 100 points last week but ended up with an L after the usually solid Seahawks DST scored -3 points. Antonio Gates had a breakout game scoring 27 point while Chris Johnson had another sub-par performance putting up a measly 2 points. Look for the dawgs to rebound next week against Puff Puff Pass.
3. Dixieland 3/5rs (1-1)
The 3/5rs were sweating out their match up against the defending champion Firechefs until late Sunday night when Brandon Marshall caught his third TD. RB Darren Sproles looks to be the steal of the draft (7th Round) as he currently leads all RB's in points. GM Ben Keck has decided to take a vacation to Gods Country instead of prep for next weeks game saying "Come on, we're playing Wayne, Lady could set my lineup from the waiver wire and we would still win"
4. PV Porch Monkeys (1-1)
The Porch Monkeys have rocketed up the rankings this week after scoring 107 in a upset of the Dawgs. The PM's could of scored even more but opted to leave Phillis Rivers 24 points on the bench after taking advice from a GM without much success(Jason Stanley). The monkeys are still waiting for some production from #14 overall pick Doug Martin and may be looking to acquire a running back to start some competition.
5. Keckism Killers (1-1)
Speaking of Jason Stanley the Killers check in at #5 this week after a respectable showing in week two. The Killers are hoping to stay in the hunt long enough to get Josh Gordon back in week 11....to make it that far they will need to find a better flex option as Marquise ColdStoneCreamery scored 0 points last week.
6. Slob On My Cobb (1-1)
The Cobb's didn't play bad last week but could of used Kniles Davis's 21 points to get the W. With Jamaal Charlie out for at least a couple of weeks the Cobbs are looking to ride the hot, black and sweaty, back of Kniles Davis for a couple of weeks. (CO-GM Jenny Trupka just fainted)
7. Puff Puff Pass (1-1)
The Pass's rebounded from a week one loss by bukakking the Keckism Killers with a solid performance by the entire team. 5 different players scored in double digits including Darren Sproles Backup, LeSean McCoy, who put up 15 points in garbage time work. They have a tough matchup next week against but dawgs but feel they are up to it saying "Maple syrup man! These Canucks can't get enough of it!"
8. Polygamy Pounders (1-1)
The Pounders aren't back to their normal championship form yet (Possibly due to the above 3.2 beer Cheese's parents smuggled into Utah) but they were able to squeak a win out over the Taints last week despite an injury to starting QB Roberto Griffinte. The pounders will need Colin Kapernick to step up if they want to keep this mini win streak going.
9. 50 Shades of Taint (1-1)
The taints lost in heart wrenching fashion last week but some analysts are saying its god's way of punishing them for Harboring Child Abusing Pieces of Shit on their Roster. The Taints have no choice but to accept and coddle Adrian Peterson, who was recently arrested on a felony warrant for child abuse, now that Ben Tate and Mark Ingram are injured. When reached for a comment GM Sven Murphy simply said "I don't care how many Children he beats, just get in the dam endzone every sunday. Just win baby."
10. I Touchdown There (1-1)
Well lookie here...one week after scoring 120 Points to take down the 3/5rs the Touchdowns can only muster a lousy 55 points in a loss to the dreadful Tates. Eat a dick brungy.
11. My Lucky Tate (1-1)
Despite winning the cripple fight against the Touchdowns last week the Tate's are still a god awful football team. With Jamaal Charles hitting the IR about as much as Adrian Peterson hits his child this could be another long year at lake lottawana.
12. FireChefs (0-2)
From First to Worst? GM Juice VanHeche don't care, telling the haters "Talk to me when you win a title". Recent news coming out of the group home on 73rd Ter is that the FireChefs could be in fire sale mode by week 5.
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