Week 7 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles east of Gods Country

HOT STOVE EDITION

Killers GM Jason Stanley has been an especially active participant in trades

Completed Trades

****Trade deadline is Thursday October 29th*****

Keckism Killers trade Carlos Hyde to the Leashed Pooches for their 5th and 14th round pick in 2016

Footlongs trade Antonio Brown, Greg Olsen and their 6th round pick to the PV Monkeys for their 2nd and 8th round picks in 2016. 

Keckism Killers trade Dez Bryant and CJ Anderson to the Dixieland 3/5rs for their 5th round pick in 2016. 

Footlongs trade Matt Ryan and Julio Jones to the Leashed Pooches for their 4th and 6th round picks in 2016. 

POWER RANKINGS

Championship Contenders

1. PV Monkeys (6-0) 

The Monkeys were dominate last week as they put up 122 pts in a victory over the 3/5rs to keep their record perfect. Five different players scored in double digits while both starting running backs scored over 22 points. 

The Monkeys aren't resting though, instead they are gearing up for a championship push by acquiring Antonio Brown and Greg Olsen. When reached for comment GM Pearce McKinney said "We are done with bridesmaid dresses, we are going all in with the expectation of wearing white in December" 

2. Firechiefs (5-1)

Chris Ivory's 25 points led the Firechiefs to another impressive victory last weekend while Carson Palmer has revitalized his career this year with the Firechiefs and is having a top 5 season. If Adrian Peterson can stop beating children and go back to putting up 15 pts a game this team will be hard to beat. 

Expect another victory next week as when GM Justin VanHecke takes on the deadbeat Puff Puff Pass. 

3. Dixieland 3/5rs (4-2)

With Jamaal Charles out for the year and 2 top 10 RB's on bye (Latavious Murray, Doug Martin) the 3/5rs faced a tough road last week against the Monkeys. Despite the loss this team still leads the league in total points and should be dangerous once newly acquired Dez Bryant gets back to playing. 

We asked GM Benjamin William Keck III about breaking his no trade vow and acquiring Dez and CJ from his arch rival the Keckism Killers "Things change Mox. If Jamaal doesn't go down we don't make this trade....but he did and we had to reevaluate our roster and put ourselves in the best position to bring The Martin back to her rightful home."

4. Slobb On My Cobb (4-2)

The defending champs have not garnered much press this year but have no doubt GM Trenny Trupka has put together a team that has a chance to be the first back to back Martin winners. Trenny took an unorthodox approach this year choosing to build his team (2nd highest point total) around the Denver Bronco's defense who have averaged a remarkable 16.5ppg. Throw in a late round pick like Eli Manning having a career year and its easy to see how this team is a legit contender. 

If Arian Foster can stay healthy the Trupka's could be spending another summer with The Martin. 

Playoff Contenders

5. Polygamy Pounders (3-3)

Despite his 1st round draft pick sitting on the bench and his 2nd round draft pick contributing 1 point the Pounders scored 105 points in a victory last week. Mark Ingram and Jonathan Stewart have picked up Eddie Lacy's slack and Keenan Allen has had a breakout season. 

If Eddie Lacy and Andrew Luck can start playing like top draft picks GM Cheese Horner may be taking The Martin back to the Wasatch Mountains. 

6. West Canaan Coyotes (4-2)

Since being left for dead after an embarrassing 32-36 loss to the Keckism Killers 3 weeks ago the Coyotes have won 2 straight in impressive fashion. This week GM Lance Poole rode Tommy Brady and Calvin Johnson to another victory scoring 104 points. 

7. Leashed Pooches (2-4) 

It's October so that can only mean 1 thing...GM Matt Murphy has begun trading all of next years draft picks for a shot at the Martin. Doing some quick math (beep...boop....beep...beep...boop) I'm projecting he will enter the 2018 draft with no picks in the first 10 rounds. 

By acquiring Julio Jones/Matt Ryan/Carlos Hyde the pooches have once again gone all in for a taste of The Martin. 

Better Luck Next Year 

8. I Touchdown There (1-5)

Another disappointing year for the Touchdowns as they are once again eliminated from the playoff picture before Halloween. Expect Larry Fitzgerald and Marshawn Lynch to be playing for another team by this time next week. 

9. Farve Dollar Footlongs (1-5)

KSFBFFL will be without GM Sven Murphy in the playoffs for the first time this year as the Footlongs have gone into rebuilding mode by dealing Matt Ryan and Julio Jones. 

We reached out to Sven to get his thoughts "This is tough, real tough. I feel terrible for the fans who have had to watch us these last 6 weeks but I owe it to them to put us in the best position possible next season"

10. Keckism Killers (2-4)

Another year without a title for the man on west 73rd Terrace. After averaging an embarrassing 55 points a game GM Boo Boo Stanley has sold off his meager pieces for a couple of 5th round draft picks. 

Better luck next year kid. 

KSFBFFL Week 5 Power Rankings

Come yee! Come Yee! Thy power Ranking are out!

Ben Ji

140 Miles east of Gods Country. 

Lords of the Manor

                                                          

1. The Firechefs (3-1)

The Firechefs are the picture of Consistency this year scoring between 85 and 106 points every week. This week it was a 98-68 beat down of their Arch Rival Footlongs. Chris Ivory and Adrian Peterson form the best 1/2 running back combo in the league putting up a combined 37 pts last week. 

Nobody is questioning Adrians ability to keep this up but TMZ has reported that Chris Ivory has been spotted multiple times at "Titty Clubs" the night before the game. GM Justin Van Heche Threatened to bench Ivory for the Matchup against the Footlongs but ultimately relented saying "The man will play. It's all about the Jimmy and Joes, not the X's and O's"

2. Dixieland Three Fifthers (3-1)

After a rough start in week 1 the 3/5r's have averaged a scorching 107 ppg in their last three victories and now lead the league in points scored. HOF GM Ben Keck explains it this way "We had to warm up you know? We spent alot of the Pre Season focused on our championship baseball squad. With our recent Victory in the World Series we can now focus all our attention to the Grid Iron and I think you are seeing the result"

If the 3/5rs core of Charles/Green/Edelman/Murray can stay healthy they could go along way this year. Exactly how far they go this year will be dependent on Players like Jimmy Graham, Justin Forsett and Drew Brees who have all got off to rocky starts this year. 

3. PV Porch Monkeys (4-0)

Another good showing from the Monkeys this week is starting to erase doubts about whether this team if for real. Despite being the only undefeated team they are still only averaging a paltry 85 ppg. Questions still remain about this teams depth as last week 2 players (Phillip Rivers and Devonta Freeman) scored 58 of their 89 points. 

Luckily for the Monkeys their 4-0 start almost guarantees them a spot in the playoffs barring a total meltdown. We asked GM Pearce McKinney his thoughts on the season so far "We had a team meeting voicing concern of lack of effort the first 2 weeks. As Coach Reid would say, "Thats my fault....I take responsibility for that". We still have alot of work to do before we consider ourselves contenders but I am excited about the possibility of aqcuiring ANOTHER bridesmaid dress"

Yeoman 

4. Slobb On My Cobb (2-2)

Using a boom or bust strategy the Cobb's have the second highest point total but only a 2-2 record to show for it. They have scored 107 and 113 points in both their victories but failed to hit 90 in either of their losses. 

Team President Tristan Tucker was widely mocked for Taking Rookie QB Marcus Mariotta so high in the draft but he obviously saw something that caught his eye as Mariotta has the 7th highest PPG total of any QB "With a heisman winner playing for a sky high offense as the ducks whats not to like?" Tucker Said. "We saw alot of drive and determination in the young man. After a short interview with the youngster I immediately knew he would fit in well with our 16 goals for success. Mariota will certainly give veteran Eli Manning a run for the starting job after the bye week". 

5. Polygamy Pounders (2-2)

Despite having his first round pick spend more time playing Warcraft than football the Pounders are on a suprising 2 game win streak. Last week was a marginal performance against the overmatched touchdowns but they got the W and thats all that matters. 

If this team is serious about reclaiming The Martin Andrew Luck needs to play and Eddie Lacy needs to get in the end zone. 

6. Leashed Pooches (2-2)

What else can you say about GM Matt Murphy besides he is a hell of a GM? Despite trading away all his draft picks last year and getting married over the weekend he still found enough time to pick up Karlos Williams (13 pts last week) off the waiver wire and eek out a 1 pt win. 

On paper this team looks pedestrian at best but never count the old dawg out. 

7. Farve Dollar Footlong (1-3)

What a disappointing performance by the Footlongs last week. Despite scoring over 95 pts in their first 3 games they came out with a clunker against the arch rival Firechefs. The Footlongs are at a crossroads now and need a victory over the undefeated Monkeys next week to salvage their season. 

Will GM Steve Murphy gamble it all and go for the big play with Mike Vick at QB next week? If Vick can lead (NAME VACATED) to a title in 2010 he could do the same for Sven in 2015. 

Peasants 

8. I Touchdown There (1-3)

No surprise here, after a good first couple of weeks the Touchdowns are back in the kiddie pool after losing their last 2 games by a combined 71 points. GM Mike Gomez seems to have given up already as evident by him starting the Texans defense and leaving an inactive Marshawn Lynch in the starting lineup. 

Better luck next year. 

9. Keckism Killers (2-2)

How the hell is this team 2-2? They are averaging a league low 55 ppg and scored 36 last week AND WON. How is that even possible?!? You can only put lipstick on a pig for so long, and GM Jason Stanley is running out of lipstick. 

10. West Canaan Coyotes (2-2)

See above. 

DEADBEATS

Puff Puff Pass (1-3)

My Lucky Tate (1-3)