Come yee! Come Yee! Thy power Ranking are out!
Ben Ji
140 Miles east of Gods Country.
Lords of the Manor
1. The Firechefs (3-1)
The Firechefs are the picture of Consistency this year scoring between 85 and 106 points every week. This week it was a 98-68 beat down of their Arch Rival Footlongs. Chris Ivory and Adrian Peterson form the best 1/2 running back combo in the league putting up a combined 37 pts last week.
Nobody is questioning Adrians ability to keep this up but TMZ has reported that Chris Ivory has been spotted multiple times at "Titty Clubs" the night before the game. GM Justin Van Heche Threatened to bench Ivory for the Matchup against the Footlongs but ultimately relented saying "The man will play. It's all about the Jimmy and Joes, not the X's and O's"
2. Dixieland Three Fifthers (3-1)
After a rough start in week 1 the 3/5r's have averaged a scorching 107 ppg in their last three victories and now lead the league in points scored. HOF GM Ben Keck explains it this way "We had to warm up you know? We spent alot of the Pre Season focused on our championship baseball squad. With our recent Victory in the World Series we can now focus all our attention to the Grid Iron and I think you are seeing the result"
If the 3/5rs core of Charles/Green/Edelman/Murray can stay healthy they could go along way this year. Exactly how far they go this year will be dependent on Players like Jimmy Graham, Justin Forsett and Drew Brees who have all got off to rocky starts this year.
3. PV Porch Monkeys (4-0)
Another good showing from the Monkeys this week is starting to erase doubts about whether this team if for real. Despite being the only undefeated team they are still only averaging a paltry 85 ppg. Questions still remain about this teams depth as last week 2 players (Phillip Rivers and Devonta Freeman) scored 58 of their 89 points.
Luckily for the Monkeys their 4-0 start almost guarantees them a spot in the playoffs barring a total meltdown. We asked GM Pearce McKinney his thoughts on the season so far "We had a team meeting voicing concern of lack of effort the first 2 weeks. As Coach Reid would say, "Thats my fault....I take responsibility for that". We still have alot of work to do before we consider ourselves contenders but I am excited about the possibility of aqcuiring ANOTHER bridesmaid dress"
Yeoman
4. Slobb On My Cobb (2-2)
Using a boom or bust strategy the Cobb's have the second highest point total but only a 2-2 record to show for it. They have scored 107 and 113 points in both their victories but failed to hit 90 in either of their losses.
Team President Tristan Tucker was widely mocked for Taking Rookie QB Marcus Mariotta so high in the draft but he obviously saw something that caught his eye as Mariotta has the 7th highest PPG total of any QB "With a heisman winner playing for a sky high offense as the ducks whats not to like?" Tucker Said. "We saw alot of drive and determination in the young man. After a short interview with the youngster I immediately knew he would fit in well with our 16 goals for success. Mariota will certainly give veteran Eli Manning a run for the starting job after the bye week".
5. Polygamy Pounders (2-2)
Despite having his first round pick spend more time playing Warcraft than football the Pounders are on a suprising 2 game win streak. Last week was a marginal performance against the overmatched touchdowns but they got the W and thats all that matters.
If this team is serious about reclaiming The Martin Andrew Luck needs to play and Eddie Lacy needs to get in the end zone.
6. Leashed Pooches (2-2)
What else can you say about GM Matt Murphy besides he is a hell of a GM? Despite trading away all his draft picks last year and getting married over the weekend he still found enough time to pick up Karlos Williams (13 pts last week) off the waiver wire and eek out a 1 pt win.
On paper this team looks pedestrian at best but never count the old dawg out.
7. Farve Dollar Footlong (1-3)
What a disappointing performance by the Footlongs last week. Despite scoring over 95 pts in their first 3 games they came out with a clunker against the arch rival Firechefs. The Footlongs are at a crossroads now and need a victory over the undefeated Monkeys next week to salvage their season.
Will GM Steve Murphy gamble it all and go for the big play with Mike Vick at QB next week? If Vick can lead (NAME VACATED) to a title in 2010 he could do the same for Sven in 2015.
Peasants
8. I Touchdown There (1-3)
No surprise here, after a good first couple of weeks the Touchdowns are back in the kiddie pool after losing their last 2 games by a combined 71 points. GM Mike Gomez seems to have given up already as evident by him starting the Texans defense and leaving an inactive Marshawn Lynch in the starting lineup.
Better luck next year.
9. Keckism Killers (2-2)
How the hell is this team 2-2? They are averaging a league low 55 ppg and scored 36 last week AND WON. How is that even possible?!? You can only put lipstick on a pig for so long, and GM Jason Stanley is running out of lipstick.
10. West Canaan Coyotes (2-2)
See above.
DEADBEATS
Puff Puff Pass (1-3)
My Lucky Tate (1-3)
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