140 Miles East of God's Country
K-States Finest Bro's Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings.
(Three Fifthers superfan Carrie Underwood get the crowd hyped)
1. My Lucky Tates
To be the champ you have to beat the champ. Few people expected much out of the Tates last year but coach Casey Wayne Walker pulled off a late season stretch that culminated with him raising The Martin above his head. Despite trading a couple of draft picks and picking at the end of the 1st round the Tates look surprisingly formidable this year. With 7 of 9 starters ranked in the Top 10 of their position the Tates could go BACK to BACK.
2. Kaibab Kangol Krew
After making the postseason his first 5 years former KSFBFFL Champion Keene Cheese has decided to relocate his Franchise to the sandy shores of Arizona after missing the playoffs 2 of the past 3 years. When asked about his team this year....well I'll just let you read it.
Mark him down for a 10-3 season with a first round bye.
3. Raytown 3/5rs
2016 was a bounce back year for the 3/5rs as they found a welcoming home in the bustling metropolis of Raytown. While the season ended in a semifinal loss the 2017 3/5rs welcome back Michael Evans, Kirk Cousins, and Ameer Addullah to a star studded roster. "I'm real proud of what we accomplished last year but at the end of the day we didn't achieve the goal we set for ourselves" GM Ben Ji said. "We decided to let Matt Ryan enter Free Agency after his super bowl meltdown and look forward to seeing what Kirk Cousins can do with the keys to the car"
4. Slobb on My Cobb
Before last year The Martin had resided in KCMO for 2 consecutive years as the Cobb's started a Mini Dynasty. The Cobbs came crashing down to reality in 2016 with a 2-11 record but some owners were whispering that GM Tuck Tuck was playing 3D chess and tanking the season for the #1 Pick. "We had some technical difficulties before the draft but I'd say everything went as planned"Tuck said. "Look for big years out of Tyreek and CJ as they plan on running wild against the AFC West".
5. Puff Puff Pass
Loaded with draft picks the Pass's will look to come out swinging for the fences in 2017. Led by Super Studly Jordy Nelson and ageless Wonder Drew Brees the Puff Puff's should put up some points this year. A tough week 1 match up against 2 time champ Slobb On My Cobb will be a good litmus test for how far this squad can go this year.
6. Zipper Destroyers
Newly minted Texan Matt Murphy felt good about his draft saying “I think we did well on draft day. You can always do better and there were a few that slipped through our fingers but we scouted and targeted each draftee knowing they would be a good fit”. Unfortunately the only place his roster fits is in a Jail Cell with Zeke and the Muscle Hamster both starting the year out on suspension. While he waits for those players to be released from Jail he will be relying on another former criminal who just got out, Joe Mixon, and old timer Frank Gore. “Joe is a youngster with plenty of upside” the Al Davis of the KSFBFFL said, “And Frank, well you know what you’re gonna get with Frank and it is a solid interim fit that provides veteran leadership”.
7. I Touchdown There
The Touchdowns had a breakout season in 2016 scoring the most overall points and making the playoffs for the first time since their inaugural season in 2012. David Johnson returns for another year and GM Mike Gomez plans to build the team around him "Draft day went great! Really please with the group we got to put around DJ". When asked about how he intends to follow up last years performance he responded "I believe our team has a great opportunity to make a deep run this year. Gonna be a long season, we will have to weather the injuries and all that comes with playing 16 games. Touchdowns are taking home the trophy!"
8. The Firechefs
Former Champ Justin Van Heche fell 1 game short last year and seems a little deflated this year saying “Eh, I feel pretty shitty about my team”. “My season boils down to Marcus Mariota having a breakout year along with an old man (Adrian Peterson) and a fat man (Eddie Lacey)” he continued. Here at BWKNBNC we feel that if 2 of those 3 can have top 10 seasons to go along with LeVeontric Bell and Travis Kelce the Firechefs will be sitting pretty in December.
9. PV Monkeys
Pearce “Andre” McKinney had a rough draft day when he spent his 8th round pick on Cameron Merideth who had torn his ACL earlier in the day “Fortunately we had some extra picks” he said. Those extra picks did land him Matt Ryan who will enjoy slinging the ball around to Antonio Brown this year and Mckinney says to keep an eye out for the white guy “We think Mr Christian McCaffrey will be a breakout rookie. He’s got a great bloodline and we have him penciled into the starting role in a strong offense”.
10. Farve Dollar Footlongs
With no 4th round pick this year GM Sven Murphy had to reach for some young guys with Potential but will rely on 2 top 10 receivers from last year (Cooks and Beckham). “Look for big numbers out of our “Core Four” – Including what we are calling “The law Firm” in Cook & Cooks who along with Beckham and TE Hunter Henry” he proclaimed. It’s hard to doubt the most successful Fantasy GM in the History of the KSFBFFL but with the current lineup just making the playoffs would be a successful season.
11. Huge Ditkas
"I learned a-lot in my First Season as a KSFBFFL Owner" Second Year GM Matthew Settles remarked. "Like, did you know that longer field goals are worth more points??! I spent the first 6 weeks thinking ESPN was making an error and didn't want to tell anyone and lose the extra points". Despite this rudimentary understanding of the game Settles led the Ditkas to an 8-5 record last year and a playoff berth. When Russell Wilson is the highest ranked position player on your team you can expect some regression in 2017.
12. Keckism Killers
It was a rough year last year and the Killers of Keckism are feeling the heat from their fans after a dismal 5-8 season. "I mean, we just aren't very good even though we try hard" SuperFan Gene from Moline(IL) said. "I've been a die-hard since that Magical year back in 2014 when we went 11-2 but the last 2 years have been pure and utter shit". With disappointing RB Todd Girly back on the Roster and a 38 year Old Marshawn Lynch suiting up don't expect tears of Joy to be streaming from Gene's eyes anytime soon.
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