Week 3 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

1. Mississippi Leg Hounds 2-0 – The Leg Hounds of Prairie Village are lighting up scoreboards this year averaging 123 points per game and that has Playboy Owner Pearce McKinney all hot and bothered “The Leg Hounds are feeling extremely optimistic about their hot start. If we can stay healthy I think it could be our year to cradle The Martin” McKinney said while slowly stroking his cat Ursala.
2. NE JoCo Garter Snakes 2-0 – The snakes have managed to stay undefeated despite piss poor QB play from Scam Newton. “Cam’s production has been disappointing so far this year” Head ball coach Ben Keck said while flexing shirtless into the mirror “Luckily for Garter Snake fans we have a young guy named Lamar Jackson who has been tearing it up and will be getting the start next week”.
3. Farve Dollar Footlongs 1-1 – 37 Points from the Patriots Defense??!?! Some pundits are saying these team is all smoke and mirrors and GM Sven Murphy agrees that some changes need to be made after a tough loss to the Touchdowns “Head Coach Charlie Murphy has now assumed play calling duties and co-GM Sinnikka Murphy has been stripped of all duties until she gains more experience” Murphy whispered “Now if you will excuse me its time for Sinnikka’s nightly foot massage and I cant be late”
4. Slobb On My Cobb 1-1 – Never doubt a proven GM like Jenny Trupka. A big win last week against the reeling dawgs has put the league on notice that the Cobbs expect another playoff season. “Zeke has really stepped up as a leader this year but its never too early to make a deal and everyone is for sale at the right price”  She said after putting tiny lil baby drake down in his crib. Could the Cobbs be looking to sell already? What?
5. Deadbeat Darryls 1-1 – Patrick Mahomes is going to put up video game numbers all season long and the Darryls will ride him harder than Kilmer rode Mox. “Boy needs to learn some toughness, tough love is still love” Coach Wayne said between spits of tobacco juice.
6. Texas Dawgs 1-1 – After a dominating week 1 performance the Dawgs put up a turd in Week 2 and may have lost RB James Conner for an extended amount of time. Will GM Pooch Murphy go into gunslinger mode and start making deals? “We are underperforming and need to figure out our TE position” Pooch said while drinking an old fashioned and smoking a black and mild.
7. Roughing The Kooch 1-1 – We caught up with first year coach Scotty Harris while he was watching his servant polish his yacht after getting shellacked by the Leg Hounds last week and he hopes to bounce back this week against Footlongs. “We are feeling good about our team despite the loss to the hounds and are looking at the bigger picture. Seasons are won and lost on the waiver wire so expect some transactions this week” he said before he started throwing silver dollars at homeless people.
8. Huge Ditkas 1-1 – A big win in week 2 against the Puff’s shows that the Ditkas are not ready to give up the Martin just yet. The big question is whether Kamara can keep his production up while Drew Bree’s is injured. “An easy win this week helped us gel and gave us confidence that we can be a contender again this year” defending champion Matt Settle said before going back to his game of blackjack.
9. I Touchdown There 1-1  – Coach Mike Gomez jetted off to Hawaii before the game last week and his team seemed to respond positively with a come back win against the footlongs.  He phoned into the weekly conference call with some insight “You know, I’m really not that great at this whole fantasy football things so I’m basically going to put it on AutoPilot and see what happens…That’s all I have to say, gotta run to Sonic!”
10. Keckism Killers 0-2 – You are starting Oaklands Backup RB….You are lucky to be ranked this high. Here is GM Aces Stanely in his own words (while chugging mountain dew) “We are not a good team”
11. Puff Puff Pass 1-1  – What the hell was that? After a 104pt week 1 showing the Puff’s put up a paltry 47 pts in week 2. With Drew Bree’s out for most of the season it may be time for Coach Meyers to start planning for next season “Terrible performance in week 2, long road ahead for the Puffs and our first priority is to figure out our QB situation” the coach said while eating a bag of Doritos.
12. The Firechefs 0-2 – At least you have some trade bait I guess? We knocked on the door of Head Coach Justin Van Heche for a comment but he just closed the blinds and pretended he wasn’t home.