Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

1. Mississippi Leg Hounds 3-1 – Despite a tough loss last week to the Darryls the Leg Hounds hold on to the top spot in the rankings. I ran into Head Ball Coach McKinney at the local watering hole and asked him if he was looking to add any players or if his current squad was enough “We really like our team right now” he said while twiddling his hair “We have great locker room chemistry as evident by our league leading point total but we always have an ear open to any trade discussions”.

 2. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-1 – The Footlongs put up an impressive 121 points last week to crush the rival Firechiefs. “We feel really good right now after that big W” Coach Charlie Muphy said as he licked where his balls used to be “Despite our good play we have not seen the success we projected from a couple of positions like QB and TE. We aren’t giving up on our guys yet but those are two areas we may look to target before the trade deadline. Right now all our focus is on giving the Leg Hounds a taste of their own medicine #Humptown”

3.  I Touchdown There 3-1 – BWKNBNC ran into Touchdowns owner Mike Gomez at Sonic the other day and asked him about his surprising 3-1 start “We have been quite pleased with our teams performance over the last couple of weeks. Our QB is really finding his stride and the other guys are doing what they are supposed to do” The Touchdowns have a gimme next week against the Firechiefs so they should be 4-1 without any issues.

4. Texas Dawgs 3-1 – Despite being 3-1 the Dawgs are not sitting on their laurels “Watson is off to a slow start and we may be looking for another QB, also have some work to do at the TE position” GM Dawg Murphy said at his weekly press conference (shirtless in front of a mirror) “We are in win now mode and will wait for more sellers to emerge before we make any deals”. If I know anything about the Dawgs its that they are always in win now mode and they never wait to make a deal. Is GM Dawg Murphy blowing smoke?

5. NE JoCo Garter Snakes 3-1 – Another week and another win from the sneaky garter snakes. Owner Ben Keck dropped some produce by the BWKNBNC office and had this to say about his team’s matchup with the Puff’s next week “Puffs? Pfft, more like the Puds. Our team is projected to score 99 and we will beat that by at least 15. Katy bar the door, the Garter Snakes are coming!”

6. Keckism Killers 1-3 – The Killers have the 3^rd highest point total in the league but due to some bad luck they currently sit at 1-3. “We will see what the next few weeks bring” Coach Aces Stanley said “Whatever happens over the next couple of weeks we are going to go HARD in one direction or the other”

7. Huge Ditkas 2-2 –  While not as dominant as they were last year the Ditka’s are still a force to be reckoned with as long as Kamara is healthy. With a big matchup this week against the Texas Dawgs GM Button Settles is not worried “Did you win the Martin last year? No?!? Then shut the fuck up and get out of my face AND IF YOU EVER CALL ME BUTTON SETTLES AGAIN I WILL CUT YOU.”

8. Slob on my Cobb 2-2 – “We knew this rebuilding year would be a struggle and we have a couple of workhorses in the stable who are getting fed up with our teams play” Back to Back champ Tucker Linville said while turning some wrenches in his garage. “These workhorses aren’t ready to start sucking for Tua yet and want to bring the Martin back home”. This weeks matchup against the Killers could be a do or die game for both teams.

9. Deadbeat Darryls 2-2 – Coach Wayne Walker and the Deadbeats pulled off heart stopping 1 pt win last week over the Leg Hounds and expect more of the same this week “Practice has been great but we have not executed as well on the field. We are looking forward to this weeks matchup against the Kooch’s and expect big numbers from our running game”.

10. Puff Puff Pass 1-3 – While GM Puff Meyers might be giving up on winning the title this year he does have one goal left for the season “I refuse to finish behind 1^st year coach Scott Harris. October is a big month and we need to start putting some W’s up on the board"

11. Roughing the Kooch 1-3 – First year Coach Julie Harris is still getting used to the grind of the KSFBFFL schedule “Unfortunately our team has been plagued by injuries the past few weeks. However….we have the finest back room doctors working on the players and just received a fresh supply of horse steroids from Mexico. We don’t plan on selling off any players at this point but if the Steroids are duds we may have no choice". 

12. The Firechiefs 0-4 – BWKNBNC reached out The Firechiefs team president Justin Van Hecke for his thoughts on their disappointing start “Are you serious clark? What would your thoughts be if your team was 0-4 and having one of the worst seasons in the history of fantasy football?!? EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE”.