KSFBFFL Semi Final Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Semi Final Preview

It was all chalk in the first round of the playoffs as the TD's and Garter Snakes both advanced with ease. How will things shake out this weekend in the semifinals?

NE JoCo Garter Snakes VS Farve Dollar Footlongs

The Footlongs stellar regular season saved them from what surely would have been a first round exit last week as they scored a paltry 61 points. This week they take on the red hot Garter Snakes who have won 6 straight games. General Manager Svennika is not concerned though and had this to say about his matchup this week “We feel that Charlie gives us an edge from a coaching perspective but are dealing with a few unexpected roster changes. We have cut kicker Brett Maher and are currently holding tryouts for a new foot fairy. Secondly Coach Charlie has not made his decision on which QB will be starting. We didn’t expect to have a QB controversy at this point in the season but we are confident our beloved canine will make the right decision. I predict a 113-96 win for the Footlongs.”

Meanwhile in NE Johnson County Coach Lady is on thin ice after a piss poor performance pheasant hunting last weekend. We caught up with her in her kennel to ask if the pressure is getting to her “Pressure? From Fantasy Football? I can coach this team in my sleep. What I can’t do is run around in a field full of grass that is 3 times taller than me while my asshole owner shoots a shotgun over my head. Its like WTF, you expect me to sniff out some wild birds and then after a big BANG put them in my mouth and bring them back? I don’t even like fireworks…Whatever, I’ll win the Martin for Ben and hopefully he will let me sleep next to that instead of a shotgun. Look for the Snakes to pull off a 125-103 win”

BWKNBNC Prediction – Garter Snakes keep the train rolling and the footlongs flounder. Garter Snakes 118, Footlongs 91

I Touchdown There VS Prairie Village Leg Hounds

After sending the Kooch’s to a first round exit the Touchdowns were a little confused on who they were playing next and gave us a preview of how they plan to beat the Garter Snakes….After being reminded they still have to play the Leg Hounds this week GM Mike Brungy was less than concerned “The TD’s are not worried about the Leghounds…Molly will have something very important for Pearce Pearce to do like take Lola to the spa or something and distract him from coaching his team. TD’s by 25 points.”

The Leg Hounds spent last weekend with their legs kicked up on the couch and still managed to put up an impressive 140 points. With another trip to the championship game on the Line GM Pearce McKinney was not worried about his matchup against the TD’S. “Come over to my closet and let me know you something” he said “See that? Bridesmaid dress from 2017. That one? Bridesmaid dress from 2014. Over there? That’s my 2013 Bridesmaid dress….Its what we do here on 70^th Ter, we make championship games and lose. This will be the TD’s last game of the season, we will win 110-85

BWKNBNC Prediction – The TD’s pull off a shocker and make their first KSFBFFL Championship game. Touchdowns 99, Leg Hounds 87.

Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Playoff Preview

Power Rankings 

1. Farve Dollar Footlongs (10-3) – Led by the Great White Hope Christopher McCaffrey the Footlongs put up a league high 1355 points in the regular season and  locked up the #1 overall seed with a first round bye. Footlongs Coach Svenika Murphy was in Kansas City this weekend and had this to say about his star running back “No question that Run CMC is the big man on campus. When we drafted him it was expected that he could provide this kind of production”. 

When asked about his plans during the teams first round bye he added “The bye will give us time to rest and prepare for the buzz saw that is the Garter Snakes”. Wow, no respect for the Killers from head ball coach Svenika Murphy.

Pants or Socks First? - Socks

2. PV Leghounds (10-3) – The Leghounds jumped out to a hot start at the beginning of the season but slowly squandered their total points lead before finally being passed by the Footlongs in the last week of the season. Losing David Johnson’s production has hurt but the Leghounds still have some firepower with Aaron Jones, Travis Kelce and Michael Thomas catching passes from Russell Wilson. 

“DangerRuss is our leader and the lynch pin to our offense” Coach McKinney said over the speakerphone as he was clearly taking a shit “We have a first round bye and there is not a team in this Tournament we can’t beat”.

Pants or Socks first? – Neither, just a shirt and then Porky Pig around the house.

3. NE JoCo Garter Snakes (9-4) – “Lamar Jackson is the MVP of the Garter Snakes and the League right now and if it wasn’t for some Piss Poor decisions to start Scam Newton the first 2 games we would be the total points leader with 1357 points” A quivering Coach Lady wimpered “Ben is not happy with me and keeps threatening to shoot a shotgun over my head all weekend as punishment”.

 The Garter Snakes are the hottest team in the league right now averaging 110 PPG during their 6 game winning streak and will look to keep the momentum going this week against the Keckism Killers.

Pants or Socks First? - I’m a fucking dog, I wear a collar and that’s it.

4. I Touchdown There (9-3-1) – After reaching #1 in the Power Rankings after an 8 game win streak the Touchdowns have come back down to earth going 1-2-1 in their last 4 games. BWKNBNC called up Owner Mike Brundgardt to get a quote on insurance and also his take on how the season went. 

“Anytime you make the playoffs you did something right and #myguy Nick Chubb was a big reason for that. We knew he was going to put up some numbers but didn’t expect as much production as he gave us…Also your homeowners quote is $1200 for the year if you pay in full. What’s it gonna take to get you in this insurance plan?!?”. Can the Touchdowns Finally get their hands on the elusive Martin this year or will it be another lonely winter in Dallas?

Pants or Socks first? – Only a sociopath puts their socks on before their pants.

5. Keckism Killers (6-6-1) – “I’m going to go ahead and say it, our MVP this year was me” Coach Aces Stanley said “We auto drafted because we knew it didn’t matter who was on the field. The players didn’t care, they knew I was going to put them in the place that gave them the best chance to succeed”. 

The Killers boast 2 top 5 WR’s in Hopkins/Evans and battled their way into a playoff spot but have not scored above 79 points in their last 3 games which could mean an early exit from the post season.

Pants or Socks first? – Socks, unless I wear pants. Then Pants.

6. Roughing The Kooch (6-6-1) – As Playboy Owner Scott Harris went shopping for domestic servants in Thailand last week his team decided to take the week off as well putting up 62 points against the Garter Snakes. BWKNBNC made multiple attempts to contact him but he is either in a Bangkok prison or sailing his Yacht in the middle of the Pacific.

Pants or Socks first? – I let Felipe decide, he dresses me how he wants and I dress him how I want.

FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF PREVIEW

NE JoCo Garter Snakes (9-4) VS Keckism Killers (6-6-1) –

What a great game in the first round of the playoffs as 2 arch rivals take the field with everything on the line. In week 10 the Killers were riding high having just scored 141 points and won or tied 6 of their last 8 games. Since then the team from North of the River has failed to score 80 points in 3 consecutive weeks but still snuck into the playoffs with a .500 record. 

The Killers do have some quality Ball Players like Mike Evans, Deandre Hopkins and Melvin Gordon but that’s about it. Meanwhile in NE JoCo the Garter Snakes have been on a tear winning 8 straight games behind all world QB Lamar Jackson and 3 top 11 running backs.

Prediction – The Snakes have too much firepower for the Killers. Snakes 115, Killers 89

I Touchdown There (9-3-1) VS Roughing The Kooch (6-6-1)

As Ditka’s GM Matt Settles pointed out earlier this week this first round matchup could have easily been a Beer Pong game at Lee Street in 2007 instead of a KSFBFFL game in 2019. The Touchdowns showed they still have some fight left in them as they put up 103 points last week which led to this bold statement by Coach Brundgart “We dominated the Kooch’s in week 3 and will dominate them again. We are not worried about the Leghounds in the 2^nd round either but the Footlongs and Snakes both have good teams”.

Prediction – Rodgers/Chubb/Elliott carry the Touchdowns to a big win. Touchdowns 98, Kooch’s 71.