140 Miles East of Gods Country
KSFBFFL Playoff Preview
Power Rankings
1. Farve Dollar
Footlongs (10-3) – Led by the Great White Hope Christopher McCaffrey the Footlongs
put up a league high 1355 points in the regular season and locked up the #1 overall seed with a first
round bye. Footlongs Coach Svenika Murphy was in Kansas City this weekend and
had this to say about his star running back “No question that Run CMC is the
big man on campus. When we drafted him it was expected that he could provide
this kind of production”.
When asked about his plans during the teams first
round bye he added “The bye will give us time to rest and prepare for the buzz
saw that is the Garter Snakes”. Wow, no respect for the Killers from head ball
coach Svenika Murphy.
Pants or Socks First? - Socks
2. PV Leghounds (10-3) –
The Leghounds jumped out to a hot start at the beginning of the season but slowly
squandered their total points lead before finally being passed by the Footlongs
in the last week of the season. Losing David Johnson’s production has hurt but
the Leghounds still have some firepower with Aaron Jones, Travis Kelce and
Michael Thomas catching passes from Russell Wilson.
“DangerRuss is our leader
and the lynch pin to our offense” Coach McKinney said over the speakerphone as
he was clearly taking a shit “We have a first round bye and there is not a team
in this Tournament we can’t beat”.
Pants or Socks first? – Neither, just a shirt and then Porky
Pig around the house.
3. NE JoCo Garter Snakes
(9-4) – “Lamar Jackson is the MVP of the Garter Snakes and the League right
now and if it wasn’t for some Piss Poor decisions to start Scam Newton the
first 2 games we would be the total points leader with 1357 points” A quivering
Coach Lady wimpered “Ben is not happy with me and keeps threatening to shoot a
shotgun over my head all weekend as punishment”.
The Garter Snakes are the
hottest team in the league right now averaging 110 PPG during their 6 game
winning streak and will look to keep the momentum going this week against the
Keckism Killers.
Pants or Socks First? - I’m a fucking dog, I wear a collar and
that’s it.
4. I Touchdown There
(9-3-1) – After reaching #1 in the Power Rankings after an 8 game win
streak the Touchdowns have come back down to earth going 1-2-1 in their last 4
games. BWKNBNC called up Owner Mike Brundgardt to get a quote on insurance and
also his take on how the season went.
“Anytime you make the playoffs you did something
right and #myguy Nick Chubb was a big reason for that. We knew he was going to
put up some numbers but didn’t expect as much production as he gave us…Also your
homeowners quote is $1200 for the year if you pay in full. What’s it gonna take
to get you in this insurance plan?!?”. Can the Touchdowns Finally get their
hands on the elusive Martin this year or will it be another lonely winter in Dallas?
Pants or Socks first? – Only a sociopath puts their socks on
before their pants.
5. Keckism Killers
(6-6-1) – “I’m going to go ahead and say it, our MVP this year was me”
Coach Aces Stanley said “We auto drafted because we knew it didn’t matter who was
on the field. The players didn’t care, they knew I was going to put them in the
place that gave them the best chance to succeed”.
The Killers boast 2 top 5 WR’s
in Hopkins/Evans and battled their way into a playoff spot but have not scored
above 79 points in their last 3 games which could mean an early exit from the
post season.
Pants or Socks first? – Socks, unless I wear pants. Then Pants.
6. Roughing The Kooch
(6-6-1) – As Playboy Owner Scott Harris went shopping for domestic servants
in Thailand last week his team decided to take the week off as well putting up
62 points against the Garter Snakes. BWKNBNC made multiple attempts to contact
him but he is either in a Bangkok prison or sailing his Yacht in the middle of
the Pacific.
Pants or Socks first? – I let Felipe decide, he dresses me
how he wants and I dress him how I want.
FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF PREVIEW
NE JoCo Garter Snakes
(9-4) VS Keckism Killers (6-6-1) –
What a great game in the first round of the playoffs as 2
arch rivals take the field with everything on the line. In week 10 the Killers
were riding high having just scored 141 points and won or tied 6 of their last
8 games. Since then the team from North of the River has failed to score 80
points in 3 consecutive weeks but still snuck into the playoffs with a .500
record.
The Killers do have some quality Ball Players like Mike Evans, Deandre
Hopkins and Melvin Gordon but that’s about it. Meanwhile in NE JoCo the Garter
Snakes have been on a tear winning 8 straight games behind all world QB Lamar
Jackson and 3 top 11 running backs.
Prediction – The Snakes have too much firepower for the
Killers. Snakes 115, Killers 89
I Touchdown There
(9-3-1) VS Roughing The Kooch (6-6-1)
As Ditka’s GM Matt Settles pointed out earlier this week
this first round matchup could have easily been a Beer Pong game at Lee Street
in 2007 instead of a KSFBFFL game in 2019. The Touchdowns showed they still
have some fight left in them as they put up 103 points last week which led to
this bold statement by Coach Brundgart “We dominated the Kooch’s in week 3 and
will dominate them again. We are not worried about the Leghounds in the 2nd
round either but the Footlongs and Snakes both have good teams”.
Prediction – Rodgers/Chubb/Elliott carry the Touchdowns to a
big win. Touchdowns 98, Kooch’s 71.
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