Week 4 Power Rankings!
Wow folks! What a start to the first 3 weeks of the 13th edition of the Kansas State's Finest Bros Fantasy Football League! Before we get to the much anticipated power rankings lets take a minute to recognize some STUDS and DUDS of this last week. First up the STUDS
STUDS - This week's STUD award is a 3 way tie as Ben Keck, Michael Brungy and Mattias Settle are all undefeated after the first 3 games. Great work by all the STUDS!
DUD - This week's DUD is Justin Van Heche who is the only person who has not paid his fantasy football dues yet. C'mon Juice, figure it out and stop being a DUD!
1. Biden Pulls Out (3-0)
The crowd on W 75th street was 4 inches deep and full of waving flags as the Pull Outs returned home from their heart stopping .1 point victory over the Kooch's last week. Coach Lady was showered with dog bones but stopped for a quick word with reporters "WE ARE BACK" she said before taking a giant dump in front of her adoring fans. It certainly looks so as the Pull Outs appear likely to cruise to their 3rd overall title but first since 2009.
2. I Touchdown There (3-0)
Down in in the Big D the Touchdowns put up another W despite some lackluster play by Ty'Son Williams "We expected big things from Ty'Son this week against the 32nd ranked run defense but it just didn't pan out." Luckily for Coach Brungy the rest of his team all put up solid performances and he kept his record a perfect 3-0.
3. The Huge Ditkas (3-0)
We head up to Chicago next as the HUGE Ditka's made quick work of the reeling Footlongs to advance to 3-0. Coach Mattias Settle may have found the steal of the draft in Jamar Chase who already has 4 TD catches this year. Coach Settle expected rookie QB Justin Fields to put some heat on starting QB Jalen Hurts but so far has been less than impressed "We thought Fields was ready for more time in our offense but after his performance last week we are sticking with Jalen as our #1"
4. PV Leghounds (2-1)
Is this the year that Leghound fans in PV finally get to cheer for a championship team? The Leghounds are averaging 117 points a game and cruised to an easy victory over the Lake Rats last weekend. BWKNBNC was able to reach owner Molly McKinney for a comment "Lake Rats? More like Lake Bitches, maybe come to play next time? Lil Kyler is red hot and I don't see us losing another game". Bold words from an owner without a title if you ask me.
5. Cleveland Steamers (1-2)
Despite scoring over 100 points each week the Steamers of Falcon Valley finally picked up their first win of the season over the hapless puff's. "It was a tough start to the season and we definitely got the best out of each of our first 2 opponents...but anytime you have Davante Adams catching balls for your team you have a competitive squad" Coach Moose told us. It also helps when you have a running back like Lamar Jaxson who is eligible to start in the QB slot.
6. Roughing the Kooch (1-2)
Critics are pointing out that making his defense practice without water all of last week may have contributed to Playboy owner Scott Harris losing a heartbreaker by .1 points to the Pull Outs "The last 2 weeks are all on on our defense, they scored zero and 7 points. My hot sexy Matthew Stafford and his Muscly Amish/Greek god of a receiver Cooper Kupp cant do it all god dam it". Looks like it could be another dry week of practice up in the Pacific NorthWest.
7. The Firechiefs (1-2)
The lil ol Firechefs picked up their first W of the year and have quietly put together a solid ball club that is averaging over 100 points a game. Unfortunately they are ineligible for the playoffs unless they PAY THEIR GOD DAM DUES.
8. Lotawanna Lake Rats (1-2)
Despite a breakout game from Michael Williams the fourth the Lake Rats have lost their 2nd straight game and things have been getting dicey out at Lake Lotawana as boat parades have been making their way past the Walker dock shouting expletives at owner Casey Walker. "Hey Ben, I know it was you making circles by my dock in Byrons boat. The community is still behind us" Coach Walker said oblivious to the resentment building around Lake Lotawana.
9. The Dem in Dementia (1-2)
The defending champs took a step back last week but championship coach Matt Murphy never counts himself out for the year as long as his best player is still healthy "Gnao is a fucking stud man. Yeah he is a kicker but he is the best player on my team after I traded all of my draft picks for some alone time with The Martin". The Dem's face another tough matchup next week against the undefeated Ditkas.
10. Keckism Killers (1-2)
A paltry 60 points in Week 2 had Coach Aces Stanley shutting off media access to his team but that didn't prevent them from another disappointing performance in week 3 as they lost to the Touchdowns. The only bright side for the Killers is that they have the opportunity to kick the shit out of this weeks DUD the Firechefs next week.
11. Puff Puff Pass (0-3)
The Puff's fell for a 3rd straight time last weekend but Coach Puff Meyers has fallen head over heels for TE TJ Hockenson. "The whole team is built around him and his great flow, my god. I haven't seen lettuce that nice since I was 12. He will be doing head and shoulders commercials with Pat and Troy within the next year".
12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (0-3)
What is there to say about the footlongs at this point? Last year they traded a dealers choice of draft picks only to miss the playoffs and now they are paying the price and taking their licks from everyone in the league. Next up is the Touchdowns who expect the Footlongs to bend over and take it like a bitch "Our players were out late last weekend for Charlies birthday and I would love to say we bounce back next week...but thats not going to happen. The whole team is for sale" says GM Sven Murphy.
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