Interview With New Owner Scott Harris

Ben Ji
130 Miles East of Gods Country

BWKNBNC EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Scott Harris

Scott Harris (Middle in sailor cosplay outfit) enjoys a cold beverage

1. I noticed you are domiciled in the state of Oregon but your team is located in Salt Lake City. Do you have any plans on relocating and renaming the Polygamy Pounders? 

Yes, after procuring the Pounders from their previous owner, I’ve decided to move the team to Corvallis, OR. We love the fans of Salt Lake, but with the move out of Utah we felt it was appropriate to change the name (having more than one wife sounds horrible anyways). We are proud to announce that our new team name is “Roughing the Kooch”. This name plays into the traditions of Fantasy Football but is also an homage to the late Miami guard. 

2. Your Franchise is one of of only 8 franchises to win The Martin (2011), do you already feel superior to the Puffs(Austin), Touchdowns(Brungy), Leg Hounds(McKinney) and Dawgs(The Dawg)?

I’m still feeling out the pedigree of each team. With that said, we’ll see how the draft and week one goes before I start slinging mud. 

3. Rumor has it that much like The Mississippi Leg Hounds owner Pearce McWilson you are a "Playboy" owner who only cares about the status of owning a team in THE KSFBFFL. Is it true you will be in a different country during the draft? 

Fake news. Sometimes you have to mix business with pleasure while abroad. Lucky for me, owning the ‘Koochs is my pleasure. 

4. Do you have a particular strategy for your first KSFBFFL draft? 

I plan to consume large quantities of beer to shutdown the brain cells not associated with Fantasy Football in order to maximize focus. 

5. What does owning a franchise in THE KSFBFFL mean to you? 

It’s an honor to be on the same field as coaching legends such as Tristan Trupka, Ben Keck, and Jason Stanley, to name a few. So, as a K-State bro for life, I’m looking forward to the camaraderie amongst coach/owners. Make no mistake though, I’m here to claim The Martin and I look forward to accompanying her to a nice dinner followed by a powerful love making session.

6. Will Julie have any involvement with your team?

Roughing the Kooch is an organization which values diversity and inclusion. 

{....}

Is the mic off? Ok, ya, no way would I let that happen. 

7. Any additional comments about joining THE KSFBFFL? 

“Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.” -Coach Kilmer

Week 10 Power Rankings

WEEK 10 POWER RANKINGS

TRADE SUMMARY

Monstars acquired Aaron Jones from the PV Police for a 9th round pick. 

Monstars Acquired Phillip Lindsey from the Dawgs for a 7th round pick. 

Farve Dollar Footlongs acquired Eric Ebron and Matt Breida from the PV Police for a 6th round pick. 

Huge Ditkas acquired Antonio Brown from the PV Police for a 3rd round pick. 

Deadbeat Darryls acquired TJ Yeldon from the PV Police for a 5th or 9th round pick. If he gets 250 Touches it will be 5th. If not, 9th. 

Slob on my Cobbs acquired Gronk/Zeke/Lynch from the Texas Dawgs for a 2nd and 6th round pick. 

1. Huge Ditkas 7-2

The Ditkas continue to be the class of the league behind strong play from Kamara/Kelce/Brown. They currently lead the league in points and put up a league high 122 last week with stud RB Joe Mixon on the bench. Look for the Ditkas to continue their strong play and end the season with a 1^st round bye.

2. Raytown Monstars 6-3

Four straight wins have the MonStars sticking their chest out on top of Moron Mountiain. “We didn’t panic early this year after starting 2-3” GM and all around great looking/smelling guy Ben Keck said, “We stuck by the guys we drafted and have added a couple of auxiliary pieces to help during our championship run”. The Monstars have a tough end to the season with 3 games against 6-3 teams coming up.

3. Kaibob Kangol Krew 6-3

With 1 more month on their stadium lease in Phoenix the Krew have seen attendance dwindle but they keep on winning. Last week it was a 40 pt beatdown of the shelter pups and they have a chance to end the Puff’s season this week. If Julio and Theilen can both go off at the same time the Krew can take down any team in the league.

4. The Firechefs 6-3

Due to some pending felony charges GM Justin Van Heche was unable to answer the door on Halloween and instead locked himself in the basement to figure a way out of his self-inflicted salary cap hell. When he emerged from the basement he informed Brooke Van Heche that she was being let go as Assistant GM due to her poor use of the waiver wire salary cap “She took it alright I guess, its not like I was getting laid anyways. I had no choice! She picked up Ito for $50, sat him on the bench then waived him the next week!”

5. Deadbeat Darryls 5-4

The Deadbeat Darryls still have not paid their dues.

6. I Touchdown There 6-3

How are the Touchdowns 6-3? They are averaging about 10 less points per game than the other teams with the same record. The Touchdowns only face 2 more teams with winning records so they should still make the playoffs but expect a quick first round exit for the boys from McKinney TX.

7. Farve Dollar Footlongs 4-5

If the Touchdowns or Darryls stumble the Footlongs are waiting in the wings to take their playoff spot. “It hurts not being in complete control” Coach Sven Said “We need some help but I feel confident that if we win out then we will be in the playoffs. Big game this week against the Ditkas!”

8. Slobb on my cobb 4-5

(Cher Voice) iffffff I could turrrrnnn back time……That what ole tuck tuck has to be thinking about his week 3 trade for Gronk/Zeke/Lynch. After a hot 2-0 start the Cobbs mortgaged their future to win now but instead have gone 2-5 since the deal was completed. They are in the same spot as the Footlongs and need to win out to have a shot at the playoffs.

9. Puff Puff Pass 4-5

Waiting and watching in the wings The Puffs are technically still in the hunt but unless Touchdown Tom and Josh Gordon transform into the Brady/Moss circa 2007 it looks like they will miss the playoffs. 

10. Keckism Killers 3-6

At the start of the year BWKNBNC thought the Keckism Killers were the best team in the league for a second straight season....but then the wheels came off. After starting 3-0 the Killers have lost 6 straight and seen their fans turn on them. "Its freaking bullshit" Killers Super Fan Darnell Johnson said, "That money grubbing Owner Jason Stanley increased season ticket prices by 20% then put this garbage out on the field? CMON MAN"

11. Texas Dawgs 2-7

Rumor out of Plano is the Texas Dawgs will be changing their name to the Shelter Pups after their dismal performance this year. 

12. PV PC Police 1-8

Not much left to play for the the PC Police did manage to snag an extra 9th round pick while on their honeymoon in Turks and Caicos "We never sleep on a good deal" Coach McWilson said. 

Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
13 Miles West of Gods Country AKA Arrowhead Stadium 

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Week 4 of the KSFBFFL league is in the books and we are starting to see the bottom fall out on a couple of teams. After a run of bridesmaid dresses the PV PC Police have struggled to make any arrests so far this year putting up a measly 70.5 points per game en route to an 0-4 record. Not far behind them are the hapless Puff Puff Passes at 1-3 who have yet to break 100 pts. But what do we make of the Texas Dawgs? After starting 0-3 and trading away their 2 best players the dog put up a record 149 points last week! Will GM Dawg Murphy ditch the rebuilding process and try to win now? Keep reading for the answer!

1. Huge Ditkas (3-1) – The Ditkas lead the league in points so far this year and handed the Killers their first loss of the year last week behind a 35 pt performance from Kamara. Despite the hot start fans in the Windy City are taking a wait and see approach after last season’s hot start fizzled out in December. GM Button Settle says this year is different “Our QB1 is just starting to find his groove and as long as Kamara stays healthy we will be in a great position come playoff season. If Larry Legend doesn’t pick it up these next couple of weeks he will need to find himself a new home”. Look for Kamara to come back to earth now that Ingram is back from his PED Suspension.

2. Deadbeat Darryls (3-1) – The Darryl’s are the talk of Lake Lottowana after their 3-1 start despite #1 overall pick Dalvin Cook’s poor start. I reached out Charles Walker who was recently named assistant quality control coordinator and asked just how high the ceiling is on this team if Dalvin can return to form, “HIGH” he said then pointed to his sippy cup “Boom Boom BANG, MY PLAYERS”.  As long as Patty Mahomes is slinging the rock like a cross between Elway/Farve/Brady the Darryls will be in the hunt for the martin.

3. Keckism Killers (3-1) – A week 4 thrashing at the hands of the Ditkas ruined the Killers hope for an undefeated season but to Coach Aces Stanley it was a blessing in disguise. “I don’t want my players focusing on things like that, let the fake news media speculate on teams greatness, we just need to win, just win baby”. If RB Jordan Howard keeps ceding touches to Tarik Cohen the Killers will need another miraculous stretch from Gurley to win back to back titles.

4. Raytown MonStars (2-2) – “We just kept plugging away, getting a little better every day” Coach Lady said when asked about the teams recent 2 game win streak to bring them back to .500. Despite a combined 10 Points from Drake/Evans/Stills the MonStars had their best showing on the year last week in a 130-89 Beatdown of the Cobbs. If Josh Gordon can get in Rhythm with Touchdown Tom the MonStars could be hoisting The Martin from the summit of Moron Mountain.

5. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-1) – QB Drama in the desert? GM Keene Cheese has been getting an earful from Fans about replacing Aaron Rodgers with Matt Ryan and has his own theories about Rodgers slow start “Its that dam woman Danica Patrick” He grumbled. “She’s like a STD that affects your performance. Look at Ricky Stenhouse JR, a real up and comer until he and Danica Started knocking boots. Now it’s a miracle if he can actually finish a race with an intact car. Same thing is going on with Rodgers right now and Matty Ice has definitely earned himself a look at the starting job”

6. Slob on my Cobb (2-2) – “We have not seen the return we Expected from the players we acquired” coach Tuck Tucker said about his recent acquisition of Gronk/Zeke/Lynch. Some asshole Cobb fans are blaming the arrival of tiny lil adorable baby drake for the Cobbs recent 2 game slide and coach Tucker doesn’t deny it “I’m getting hazed by my own blood here, the sleep deprivation is real”.

7. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-2) –  The Footlongs lost a heartbreaker last week to the arch-rival Firechiefs but have an easy rebound game this week against the winless PV PC Police and GM Sven Murphy is feeling cocky. “The local boys are back from their bye and Edelman will be inserted into the line up” The Jovial Fat Man Murphy said “Lets just say we don’t expect to get pulled over by the Police this weekend, hehehehehehe”

8. I Touchdown There (2-2) – After a hot 2-0 start the Touchdowns have slid back to their rightful place of being mired in mediocrity but GM Mike Gomez isn’t concerned “Its been a rough couple of weeks. No urgency though, just have to keep the bus moving”.

9. The Firechiefs (2-2) – Despite a 2-2 record thanks to 2 consecutive wins Firechief fans and beat reporters have been critical of Coach Van Kueser’s roster selection but coach doesn’t care “We honestly don’t care if we are respected by the media or not. The main thing here is that we are 2-2 without 2 of our best players, LeVeon and Devonta Freeman. We will get both back in a matter of weeks and believe we will be right in the thick of things”. Firechief faithful hope he is right as the team needs a lot of help, only 2 players scored in double digits during last weeks win vs the Footlongs.

10. Puff Puff Pass (1-3) – “Its been a rough start to the season, no one to blame but Management” Coach Puff explained “Things won’t get any easier this week against the powerhouse MonStars and if we lose it will be time to build towards a successful season in 2019”.

11. Texas Dawgs (1-3) – The Dawgs came out of nowhere last week and shocked the Puffs with a 149 pt performance. After trading 3 of their best players for draft picks some Dawg fans are having buyers remorse and dreaming about what could have been this season. Will GM Dawg Murphy seize on this momentum and make move to win in 2018? “We are sticking to our strategy of playing for the future” GM Dawg said, “We are sellers and Villains this year, the dawgs will enjoy playing the spoiler role the rest of the year”

    

1. Prairie Village PC Police (0-4) – It looks to be a dreary fall in Prairie Village this year as the PC Police are struggling to put fans in the seat. I reached out to PC Police super fan Darnell McDermot for his take on the teams struggle “I’ll tell you what, that dam playboy owner McKinney has lost his Mojo ever since he decided to get hitched. And during the middle of the season?!? Come on!”. BWKNBNC reached out to GM Pearce Wilson and asked if his upcoming nuptials have negatively effected his team “That’s not true. We knew this could be a rebuilding year after dealing several draft picks last season during the playoff push. We think the talent on our team is better than our record indicates but the fans expect to win every year”.

2018 Week 2 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
120 Miles East of Gods Country

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS! 

1. Kaibob Kangol Krew (1-0) – WOW! Who saw a 128 pt week 1 victory coming from Keene Cheese? Certainly not the esteemed media members that follow the KSBFFL! Its certainly possible that the fighting white robes from the desert will come crashing back to reality if Aaron Rodgers misses significant time but for now they are on top.

2. The Huge Ditkas (1-0) – An impressive week 1 win over the always competitive MonStars has GM Button Settle feeling confident “We had a great draft. I missed the Memo on keepers but unlike some other teams in the league I didn’t have to wait 6 rounds between picks”. Button Settle better hope Alvin Kamarakura keeps playing like a stud if we he going to be throwing that kind of shade around.

3. Farve Dollar Footlongs (1-0) – Will a move to the Tar Heel state help turn Sven Murphy’s franchise around? Sven thinks so and much like his days at 509 he has been picking up the local boys “We are leaning on our hometown heroes Cam and Christian. Pairing them with our amazing receiving core (OBJ, Jarvis Landry, Keenan Allen) should bring us back to our rightful position on the top of the league”

4. Keckism Killers (1-0) – The Killers defended their championship with an easy win over the hapless dawgs from Texas but lost star WR Marquise Goodwin to a severed leg. “Its tough, real tough to lose a guy like Marquise” Defending champion Jason Aces Stanley said, “But as hard as this loss is Marquise just wasn’t a key part of our ball club. As long as Todd THE MACHINE Gurley is on our squad we feel good about our chances of repeating”.

5. The FIrechefs (0-1) – Despite an impressive 120 point performance the FireChefs started the year out with a tough loss to the KKK. “I’m not happy about my draft and I expect to lose every game” Head Ball coach Justin Van Heche said. With LeVeon Bell out all season with a poor attitude Coach Van Heche better hope James Conner Brings his lunch pail in every week.

6. Deadbeat Darryls (0-1) – When 3 players score 70% of your points its never a good sign but the Darryls should get back on a winning track if Dalvin Cook and Jimmy Graham can find the end zone.

7. Slob on my Cobb (1-0) – Week 1 wasn’t pretty for ole Tuck Tuck but he eeked out a 4 point win over the Puffs. “To be honest I didn’t even set my lineup as I HAVE A SMALL CHILD INSIDE OF ME TRYING TO COME OUT AND I REALLY JUST WANT IT OUT SO I CAN POUND SANGARITAS AGAIN” GM Jenny Trupka said.

8. Raytown MonStars (0-1) – Coach Lady was pretty angry after their week one loss and was overheard dressing her team down in the locker room after their week 1 loss “YOU ARE ALL PATHETIC, PATHETIC WASTES OF ATHLETIC ABILITY. IF I HAD OPPOSABLE THUMBS I WOULD STRANGLE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU”. Look for Kareem “The Dream” Hunt to be more involved in their week 2 matchup.

9. Texas Dawgs (0-1) – “Considering we had 2 picks in the first 7 rounds we are happy with where our team is after week 1” Coach Dawg said. “We fully expect Marcus to be a top 3 QB by the end of the season and won’t sit on our laurels if we think we have a chance to win this year”. Of course not Matthew, of course not.

10. Puff Puff Pass (0-1) -  After spending all week trying to trade Carlos Hyde GM Puff Meyers left him and his 12 points on the bench last week which costs him a win in week 1. “I took some bad advice, look for Carlos to be back in the starting lineup.

11. I Touchdown There (1-0) – Despite a week 1 victory the Touchdowns have a lot of unanswered questions heading into week 2. Will Big Ben still be the starter? Will David Johnson ever return to his 2016 form? Will Little Baby Coop be ready to take over the franchise in 40 years?

12. Prairie Village PC Police (0-1) – We are all dumber after seeing your week 1 performance. I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.

First Round Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

First Round Matchups

I Touchdown There (8-5) VS Keckism Killers (8-5)

Four weeks ago the Touchdowns demolished the Killers 108-73 and GM Mike Brungy thinks this time will be similar. “We had a must win game last week and we won so this is nothing new to us. I’m proud of the guys and think last weeks W will give us some momentum into our matchup with the Killers”. Coach Gomez will have some tough decisions to make as star WR Michael Crabtree returns from his 2 week suspension “Crabtree is a game time decision. I can tell you one thing though….He will not be wearing a god damn chain around his neck”

Meanwhile Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo never planned on making it to the playoffs and is in the middle of a 10 day Bender in Las Vegas. We talked to Darryl Darnell, one of the few remaining Killers fans left, about what he thought of the head coach spending time in Vegas before the Game “It’s a disgrace. We have not made the playoffs in 3 years, have never won a playoff game in our history, and now our coach has gone AWOL to Vegas”. Coach Boo had another take saying “No game prep is needed, we basically have a double bye into the title game. We are already preparing to face the Ditkas in 2 weeks”. Bold statement by the Coach who has never won a playoff game. 

Prediction – Killers 96 Touchdowns 82

Huge Ditkas (9-4) VS Zipper Destroyers (7-6)

The Ditkas are the hottest team in the league riding a 6 game win streak where they have scored over 100 points each week. In a recent survey all owners participating in the playoffs the Ditkas won every vote as the favorite to bring home The Martin. Coach Settle says his recent success is not a flash in the pan “We have put in our best effort the last half of the season and it truly shows our dedication to practicing the right way week after week”. The Path to the championship game seems clear cut for the Ditkas, beat the Destroyers this week and the Reeling Monkeys next week and he is in. Coach settle doesn’t think it will be that easy though “While it’s a favorable path to the championship game we are only concerned with the Destroyers right now. GM Murphy is a trickster and we want to make sure he doesn’t try any sneaky moves”

It took a Christmas Miracle to get the Destroyers into the playoffs and now GM Pooch Murphy is hoping for another “Really counting on some help from the Falcons to slow down the Ditkas big play guys (Thomas/Kamara)” He opined hopefully “Hope those guys are hungover from their big games last week. All we have to do it win 2 games before our lord and savior Zeke comes back for the title game”. Both Jimmy Graham and Woman Beater Mixon are listed as questionable for this weeks game so the Destroyers may be putting their season in the hands of Doug “The Muscle Hamster” Martin.

Prediction – Ditkas 106 Destroyers 74

What is the first thing you do if you win The Martin?

Touchdowns GM Mike Brungy – “First of all it would be an honor. Second of all I will probably sleep with her the first night, maybe get a photo op of my balls in it to send to the other owners??!?!? Who knows!”

Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo – “The Martin will be taped to the hood of my 2011 Toyota Camry for the parade down Main St”

Destroyers GM Pooch Murphy – “Wow, Great Question. If we win The Martin we will likely glue it to the baseball trophy and turn it into a duel light saber (Darth Maul style)”

3/5rs GM Benji Keck – “It’s been 6 years too long since the Martin was in my possession. I imagine we would spend the first couple hours catching up, maybe over a bottle of wine? Once the pleasantries are out of the way I’ll invite her into the bedroom and see how Lauren responds….”

Monkeys GM Pearce Wilson – “If we have the honor of bringing The Martin home there will be a parade scheduled down 70^th street between Pflumn and Nall. All members of the league will be invited, the parade will end at the Blue Moose”

Ditkas GM Button Settle – “When we win it all The Martin will be making its debut appearance in Vegas for March Madness…BLACK TEN”

Week 12 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles east of Gods Country

A LEAGUE IN TURMOIL?!? LAWSUITS THREATENED BY ENRAGED OWNER MATT MURPHY!!!!

Destroyers GM Matt Murphy has threatened to "Sue everyone to hell" 

BWKNBNC has learned that Zipper Destroyers GM Matthew Murphy is threatening legal action against the KSFBFFL if his team fails to make the Playoffs and Slobb on My Cobb does. The incident stems from last weeks game where the Kaibob Kangol Krew had 2 starters who were either out with an Injury or on a Bye week during their matchup with the Cobbs. The Cobbs ended up winning 55-45 and that does not sit well with Destroyers GM Matt Murphy “It’s alarming. The fact that another owner cares so little about the integrity of the league. We have the second highest point total, just astronomical, and we should make the playoffs. If the KKK play by the rules they should of beat the Cobbs and I would have more breathing room”. If GM Murphy does follow through with his threat it would be the first lawsuit filed against the League since Mike D sued for wrongful termination in 2011.

1. Huge Ditkas (7-4)

Four straight 100+ games and a league high 1032 pts has the Ditkas eating high on the hog this autumn. Coach Button Settles attributes his recent winning streak to “Consistent smart moves from our players looking to shine”…Whatever the hell that means. He also added that “The end of the season is our toughest yet but we are coming in hot for a first round bye”. The Ditkas still have to play the Touchdowns and Monkeys before the playoffs start so we will find out if they deserve the lofty title of #1 in the power rankings.

2. Raytown 3/5 (8-3)

Head ball coach Lady was not made available to the Media after last weeks heartbreaking loss to the Touchdowns. Some have speculated that it was to hide the black eyes she had received from her owners but GM Ben Keck denied that was the case “That’s all non sense, nothing of the sort happened” He said “Lady is hard at work  preparing for our matchup this weekend against the Monkeys. This game is HUGE, if we win we will lock up the #1 overall seed and a first round bye. Expect Lady to make her decision about the starting QB position by tomorrow afternoon."

3. PV Monkeys (8-3)

The Monkeys fell to their former landlord the Killers last week but Coach Lola Wilson was not worried. “Things like that happen” She said “We will be welcoming back Greg Olsen this week and expect big things from him to end the season”. With 2 more tough games on the schedule the end of the year the Monkeys will need to win at least 1, possibly 2 if they want to keep their first round bye.

4. I Touchdown There (7-4)

The Touchdowns dominance of the 3/5rs continued last week with a 87-85 victory bringing their all time record to 8-1 against the 3/5rs franchise. GM Mike Brungy didn’t think much of it though “It was a good win for us to get back on track. There isn’t a lot for me to say, the team knew they were capable of beating the 3/5rs, hell they’ve done it 8 times now”. With an outside chance at a first round bye still in the picture the Touchdowns are focused on beating the red hot Ditkas “The Ditkas are a hot team right now” Brungy remarked “We are going to need solid production from everybody. I’m looking to get dez and digs some more touches and hopefully a couple of TDs”.

5. Keckism Killers (6-5)

“Last week was a season saving win” Coach Boo said during his press conference Tuesday. “The Monkeys put up a valiant effort but much like their playoff performances they came up just short”. The killers finish off the year with games against the KKK and Deadbeats and should be able to cruise to a 8-5 record but a first round bye does not seem like its in the cards this year.

6. Slobb On My Cobb (6-5)

The Cobbs played like shit again last week but put another W on the scoreboard against the KKK. The soft end to the regular season means that barring any upsets the Cobbs can make the playoffs as long as the killers or Destroyers lose one of their last few games. GM Tristan Trooopka still feels like this is a team that can make some noise if they do get in the playoffs and is excited about his recent waiver wire pickup of Samje Perine “We strengthened our stable of backs this week and feel that will be enough to bring home a 3^rd Martin”

7. Zipper Destroyers (6-5)

Pictures were flying off the wall last weekend in Dallas as GM Matt “The Dawg” Murphy was LIVID about the KKK starting a kicker who was on his bye week against the Cobbs “Fucking Bullshit” He said “I have the 2^nd highest point total in the league but I’m 1 loss away from missing the playoffs! It shouldn’t be allowed! I have a good team dammit! Fucking Cheese didn’t even set his lineup! It’s not my fault I lost 5 games already this year! Look at my point total”. He calmed down after popping a Xanax and seemed to regain his composure when asked about his brewing QB controversy between Big Ben and Drew Brees “We are playing it week by week and this week Drew is getting the nod. We can’t predict efficiency but our crew does well analyzing matchups and predicting pass attempts which will favor Drew in a shootout vs the Rams”

8. Puff Puff Pass (5-6)

An errant snap chat posted to story mode by Philip Rivers showed that he and 3 other players stayed out until 4am on Sunday morning visiting Bonita Flats. The late night romp showed on the field as the Puffs were blown out by the Deadbeats in what should be a season ending defeat. GM Puff Meyers was disappointed but hopeful for the future “Its disgraceful, those players being out that late without inviting the owner. Our season is shot, it didn’t help to have 3 of my starters out on Bye but there are no excuses to losing to Wayne. We gave it a run, picked up some draft picks for 2018 but 2017 is over. We are heading back to Bonita Flats tonight, as a team, to pick up where we left off on Saturday night”

9. The Fire Chefs (5-6)

While the season may be over the Coach Van Hecke and the Firechefs they are still playing for something this week when they take on the Destroyers. “We would love nothing more than to beat the destroyers and keep them out of the playoffs. If we beat them this week and help the Cobbs make the playoffs that gives us champions (Keck/Horner/Muphy(Steve)/Trupka/Walker) a better chance of keeping the Martin in the family. The last thing I want to see if another owner get their grubby hands on that pristine trophy”

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-8)

The Krew have been officially reprimanded by the league office for failing to set their lineup before week 11. If there is another occurance they will be docked a 7^th round draft pick in 2018.

11. Deadbeat Darryls (3-8)

The Darryl’s jumped up and bit the Puffs last week. Can they do it again this week against the Cobbs?

12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-9)

Such a sad sad season for this formerly proud franchise.

Week 11 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
Looking at you through your window now....

PV Monkeys Skyrocket up the rankings!

PV Monkeys Playboy Owner Pearce McKinley Celebrates His 8-2 Start with Cocaine, lots of cocaine.

The  2017 rendition of K-States Finest Bros Fantasy Football League is coming down to an exciting end with 9 of 12 teams still .500 or above. The PV Monkeys and the Raytown 3/5rs are the class of the league at 8-2 and seem destined for first round byes. A step below them and its a like a bull in a china shop, just absolute mayhem as 7 teams fight for the 4 remaining playoff spots.

Without further adoo here are the week 11 Power Rankings.

1. Raytown 3/5rs (8-2)

It was business as usual last week as the 3/5rs earned their 8^th Win of the season. “Kirk and Greg both had a hell of a game and we are going to need the same type of performance from them next week” Coach Lady Said referencing their HUGE matchup with the Touchdowns. Since joining the league in 2012 the Touchdowns have beat the 3/5rs 7 out of 8 times but Lady isn’t fazed “This is only my second year as a coach so I can’t comment on what happened before. What I can comment on is that the Touchdowns are a trash team, and a trash organization led by a coach who has yet to win a playoff game (Drops mic)”

2. PV Monkeys (8-2)

Time to give the Monkeys the respect they deserve after a 21pt beat down of the cobbs. Christian McCaffrey is finally playing like the 3^rd round pick he was and has put up double digit totals the last 2 weeks. The Monkeys matchup this week is the desperate Killers who need a win to stay in the playoff Hunt. GM Pearce McKinney says that while all games count the same this one means a little more “The Monkeys and Killers always enjoy each other’s failure. It dates back to the days when their GMs would wait in hiding for hours to scare the opposing GM into Peeing their pants”.

3. Huge Ditka’s (6-4)

Despite putting up 101 pts in a win last week Ditka’s dropped a spot to make room for the red hot Monkeys. GM Matthew “Button” Settle is not worried tho “I feel good for the end of our season. Since our week seven slump we have been consistently rising with 3 100+ point games in a row.” RB Alvin Kamara has been a HUGE part of that putting up double digits in each of the last 4 games. A first round bye may be out of the picture for the Ditkas due to their remaining schedule “We have a tough road ahead against some of the top teams to end the season”

4. I Touchdown There (6-4)

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Cam Newton. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Lesean McCoy. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Carlos Hyde. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Here is coach Brungardt with a comment "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb"

5. Slobb on My Cobb (5-5)

Two time KSFBFFL Champion Tristan Trupka has guided his team to a 5-5 record but finishes out the season with 3 teams deep in the rebuilding process. "The Cobbs opponents over the next 3 weeks represent the bottom of the league. Game plan will be to get fat and hope to come out on top of the Chaos" Coach Moose said. With Touchdown Tom rocketing the ball around the field to Julio and Tyreek the Cobbs will be a force if they can grab a playoff spot. 

6. Puff Puff Pass (5-5)

Coach Puff led his team to a league high 69 points last week but was till not happy "There are still concerns with our running backs. All 3 on byes this week but we are confident we can pick up wins over the next 2 weeks setting up a must win against the FireChefs in week 13" he said referencing his upcoming games against the Deadbeats and Footlongs before finishing by saying "Never ever have 2 RB's from the Jets. Thats my biggest takeaway from this season". 

7. Keckism Killers (5-5)

The Killers have a large advantage over the Puffs and Cobbs in total points but they face a tough matchup this week against the RED HOT Monkeys. "I don't really have much to say" Despondent coach Boo said "Historically speaking the Monkeys are a better program than us. More wins, more playoff appearances, more playoff wins. They are what we aspire to be". If the Killers can somehow manage to knock off the Monkeys they can coast into a playoff spot by winning their last 2 games against the KKK and Deadbeats. 

8. Zipper Destroyers (5-5)

Locked into a similar scenario as the Killers is the Zipper Destroyers. They have plenty of points but have to finish the season against the Touchdowns and FireChefs without Star RB Zeke McZeke. "He is working with the zippers legal team to get his suspension down to 4 games. We expect he will suit up for week 14" Zippers GM Scooby Doo opined hopefully. Soon after that statement the courts ruled that the entire 6 game suspension is being upheld much to the chagrin of Scooby Doo. "Whatever" He said "Black Jordy will carry the load. We are deep and do not depend on any one player"

9. The FireChefs (5-5)

Lurking on the outside of the Playoff picture with no gimmes left on their schedule the FireChefs have been demoralized after their Coach Juice VanHeche was caught on a hot mike saying "My team fucking sucks". It seems like the only thing they have left to look forward to is spoiling a playoff spot for one of the teams above. 

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-7)

Keane is to cool for Groupme now that he has a GF and doesn't actually read this so I'm not going to bother giving my opinion on his shitty ass team. 

11. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-8)

The Footlongs put a scare in the Ditkas last week when they put up 86 Points. Look for them to sneak up and win at least 1 of their next 3 games. 

12. Deadbeat Darryls (2-8)

You should bring Chuck to Friendsgiving.