Week 8 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
120 Miles East of Gods Country

HOT STOVE EDITION

Wow guyz! What an action packed finish to the KSFBFFL trade deadline as a total of 6 deals were completed in the last 2 days. The folks at BWKNBNC were on top of all the deals and are we plan on breaking them down to see who came out ahead.

Cam Newton for a 4th round pick

Was there any doubt this deal wouldn't get done? The Pounder's have been in fire sale mode for 4 weeks while the Ditka's are in First Place despite starting Tyrod Taylor. Questions remain as to whether Cam can regain his 2015 form and the Ditka's probably could of snagged him for a 6th but this is a win win deal.

Pounders Grade - A
Ditka's Grade - C+

Jonathan Stewart for an 8th Round Pick

The Pounders started their fire sale with this trade 2 weeks ago. Stewart had been injured for the majority of the season but his first game back he scored 28pts. If the Pounders had held off on trading him until after his return they likely could of gotten at LEAST a 5-6th round pick.

3/5rs Grade - A
Pounders Grade - C

Robert Gronkowski for a 4th Round Pick

Top of the line TE's are notoriously hard to come by but did the Footlongs Overpay? Cobb's GM Tristan Trupka revealed that his next best offer was a 9th round pick. No one will care though if the Footlongs bring The Martin back to Orlando.

Cobb's Grade - A+
Footlongs Grade - B

Jimmy Graham and Matt Asiata for a 10th Round Pick

Neither of these players move the needle much for the 3/5r's but then again neither does a 10th round pick. Graham may see some starts but Asiata is nothing but insurance.

3/5r's - B-
Monkeys - B-

Michelle Crabtree and Lesean McCoy for a 4th and 7th round pick

The Tates are going for Broke this year but did they really need to make this trade? They already have 2 top 10 RB's and 2 Top 10 WR's so someone will be riding the bench each week.

Puff's- A
Tates - D

Kelvin Benjamin for a 5th Round Pick

Since the Zippers acquired Kelvin Benjamin 1 month ago he has yet to have a double digit point total. Is that production worth a 5th round pick?

Monkeys - A
Zippers - D-

Tom Brady for an 8th Round Pick

Touchdown Tom is back from suspension and will now be slinging the rock for the Zipper Destroyers. QB was a position of need for the Zippers and they waited until the last second and were able to snag Brady for an 8th round pick. Considering that Cam Newton went for a 4th round pick just 2 days earlier this may have been the steal of the trade deadline.

Zippers - A+
Puff's - F

Dezerai Bryant for a 7th Round Pick

The Firechefs were desperate for some production at the WR spot but Dez Bryant has spent the Majority of the last 2 years injured on the sideline. Rookie QB Dak Prescott may not even know who he is!

Firechefs - C
Puff's - B

Power Rankings

1. Huge Ditkas 6-1

The W is flying high in The Windy City.

2. Farve Dollar Footlongs 4-3

The Footlongs are back baby! 145 points last week and the chance to end the Killers Playoff hopes this week.

3. Raytown 3/5rs 5-2

Raytown will go wild if the 3/5r's can lock up the 2 seed and get a first round bye.

4. My Lucky Tate 4-3

With the recent acquisitions of Crabtree and McCoy the Tate may have forgotten there is only 1 football on the field and not everyone can have it at the same time.

5. The Firechefs 5-2

Another lackluster performance last week but another W.

6. I Touchdown There 3-4

Impressive win last week but most the contenders got better while they stood still.

7. Zipper Destroyers 3-4

The Destroyers stunk up the bed last week but hope Touchdown Tom's veteran leadership can help them make the playoffs.

8. Keckism Killers 3-4

There are 8 teams competing for 6 playoff spots and the Killers are at the bottom of that group.

9. PV Monkeys 3-4

Don't sleep on the Monkeys as they still have an outside shot at the playoffs despite trading away their star players.

10. Puff Puff Pass 2-5

The Pass's got a bounty of draft picks for their players but some of their fans are still dreaming about what could of been.

11. Slobb on My Cobb 2-5

Maybe let Jenny run your team again?

12. Polygamy Pounders 2-5

Automatic W every week for whoever they play.

Week 7 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
120 Miles East of Gods Country

Are the Footlongs and Killers in danger of missing the playoffs AGAIN?

     The Keckism Killers and Farve Dollar Footlongs are 2 of the original Franchises of the KSFBFFL so it came as quite the surprise last year when both missed the playoffs. Fear not they said, we just need to rebuild and we will be back.....And it looked like that for a bit. The Footlongs started the year hitting on all cylinders as they put up 143 pts in week 1, but have now lost 3 of their last 4 including losses to the rebuilding Monkeys and Pounders. 

     Meanwhile the Killers started the year with high expectations after acquiring 6 draft picks in the first 4 rounds. They were hot out the gate going 2-1 while scoring at least 93 points in every game but have slumped lately. They are now 3-3 and have scored 65pts or below in 2 of the last 3 weeks. If these two traditional powers keep sliding it may allow some fresh blood like the Touchdowns, Tates and Pass's to sneak into the playoffs. 

1. The Huge Ditkas 5-1

Another week and another W is hung on the wall of GM Matthew Settles 1 bedroom studio apartment underneath the rickety L tracks of Chicago. The Ditka's are loaded at all positions except QB, a void that may be filled soon "My gut switching of both mediocre QBs has shown success so far but I may need one top of the line starter to finish the season out" Settle said before before rubbing salt in the wounds of the Touchdowns "I tried to hand the game to Brundgart last week by leaving 40 pts on the bench but we proved to be too strong!". 

2. Raytown 3/5rs 4-2

The Three Fifthers continue to roll as they settle into their new digs in Raytown, this time it was a 97-40 win over the hapless Monkeys. Newly acquired RB Jonathan Stewart scored 20 pts and their first round pick Lamar Miller finally got in the end zone(twice) on his way to scoring 28 pts. With Doug "The Muscle Hamster" Martin set to return from injury in a couple of weeks this team is starting to take the shape of a championship contender. "We feel good" Coach Lady Keck said "We trust that Jacquiz can fill in adequately until Dougie returns and know that Matthew Ryan is going to keep slinging the ball to TY Hilton and Michael Evans". 

3. The Firechefs 4-2

I would like to personally thank Firechefs GM Justin Van Heche for not only hosting my birthday party this Friday but also the KSFBFFL Fall meeting! Come prepared to swap draft picks for players this Friday 10-21 where all the out of towners and locals can meet in one place! In other news the Firechefs lost a heartbreaker to the Destroyers last week and now face the surging Auto Pass's. Better set your lineup before you spend all weekend making out with your WIFE!

4. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-3

What is going on in Cigar City USA? Despite a 109 pt performance last week the Footlongs fell for the 3rd time in 4 games. The running back core of Anderson/Forte/Blount that once looked so ferocious now looks more like a stray cat trapped in an alley. With a trip to Mid America on the schedule this week we asked GM Sven Ali Baba how the travel may affect his team's performance. "No issues" he said, "We like our matchup this week against the Cobb's, look for a bounce back win"

5. Zipper Destroyers 3-3

I don't know what to make of these destroyers...Do they have an offensive nickname? Yes. Do they have a GM with Championship level skills? Yes (2 baseball titles). But something just doesn't seem right about the Destroyers being a legit contender though. Maybe its because their owner Matt Murphy is a complete dick to the media saying "No we don't plan on acquiring another QB. Marcus and Dak are our Quarterbacks. Let me know when you have a good question, Ben"

6. My Lucky Tates 3-3

PEW! PEW! PEW! The Tates came out all guns a blazing last week led by 25 pts from Kenny Britt and 22 pts from Spencer Ware in their 105-78 beat down of the Cobbs. We tried to reach out to GM Casey Wayne Walker to get this thoughts on their upcoming matchup with Killers but he said "I refuse to speak with the liberal media, all you do is lie and support Hillary"

7. Keckism Killers 3-3

With Big Ben out for 4-6 weeks the Killers will be hitching their Wagon behind stud throughbred Matthew Stafford in an attempt to save their season. The Killers will need RB Todd Gurley to increase his production to make up for former starter Latavious Murray being relegated to second string status in Oakland. When asked if Big Ben would regain his starting job when he returns from injury GM Boo Boo Stanley said "We don't know, it's up in the air, we are just trying to win a ball game"

8. Puff Puff Pass 2-4

Don't look now but the Auto Pass's now lead the league in Total Points after their 130-109 shellacking of the sliding Footlongs. After scoring 62 points in week 1 the Pass's have topped the 90 point total every week and have scored 100+ in their last 3 games. GM Taco Meyers has turned down several offers for star RB LeSean McCoy saying "You'll never get this, You'll never get this" and feels confident that his team will continue winning "Touchdown Tom came to play! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

9. I Touchdown There 2-4

Yet another heartbreak in the Metroplex this week as the touchdowns fall 5 pts short of a victory against the Firechefs. Despite having the second highest point total this year the Touchdowns have 4 losses by a combined 19 points. The Touchdowns may have the best RB trio in the league but they will need more production from Aaron Rodgers and their receivers if they hope to turn their season around. 

10. PV Monkeys 3-3

Forty Points. Forty Points is all the PV Monkeys could manage last week in the 97-40 loss to the 3/5rs. "We are garbage" Coach McKinley said "Injuries and lack of draft picks did me in this year but that is the price you have to pay when you are constantly in the playoffs. We went all in last year and are now paying the price"

11. Polygamy Pounders 2-4

"CAM. NEWTON. IS. ON. THE. BLOCK."  Pounders GM Cheese McGee keeps reiterating despite an impressive win last week against the Killers. "It was a solid week for sure" he continued "but I'm gonna let the other GM's decide how good my players are. The doors and phone lines are wide open"

12. Slobb On My Cobb 2-4

The Martin is a cruel Mistress. After spending 2 long years sleeping with Tucker she seems to have sapped his will to compete as evident by his league low 431 points. The Cobbs are also the only team not to break 100pts this season so don't count on them sneaking up and knocking off a contender. 

Week 6 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
120 Miles East of Gods Country

Katy Bar the Door! The 3/5rs are cummin!!!

3/5rs coach Lady taking in a view of the beautiful Missouri River

The Raytown 3/5rs shook up their coaching staff last week when GM Ben Keck relinquished his coaching role to up and coming WR coach Lady. The shakeup paid immediate results as Lady led the 3/5rs to a comeback victory after expertly selecting her lineup card. We sat down with the 3/5rs new coach to learn more. 

     

Q: The 3/5r's are one of the pillar franchises of the KSFBFFL but have fallen on hard times recently having not won a playoff game since 2011. How do you intend to bring them back to their rightful place atop the league?

When GM Ben Keck approached me about taking over the head coaching job I was initially hesitant. I've always been a huge fan of the KSFBFFL and have followed it closely all of my life, to have an opportunity to coach such a historic franchise was an opportunity I could not pass up. I've got 10 hrs a day where I'm home alone with nothing to do except dig holes and chew bones. With my new responsibility I plan to spend all my available time scouring the waiver wire and interacting with my players on twitter. 

Q: That was a ballsy call last week starting Cameron Artis-Payne (combined 6 pts in last 2 games) last week but it paid off big with a 20pt performance. Was that a gut call?

A gut call? No, thats a clown question bro. That was 3 weeks worth of preparation that led to my decision to start Artis-Payne. 

Q: When will Doug Martin return to the lineup?

That's a great question Ben and I wish I could give you an answer but its all up to the doctors. We are hoping to have him back after his Bye this week to help us make a late season push for the 1 seed. Now if you excuse me I see a rabbit trying to break into the garden.  


1. Huge Ditkas 4-1

The Ditka's rise to the top spot in the league this week after an impressive 53pt beatdown of the Zipper Destroyers. GM Matthew Settle's decision to start 2 TE's paid off in a big way as Greg Olsen put up 18pts and Martellus Bennet scored 3 TDs on the way to a 24pt performance.

2. Keckism Killers 3-2

With their highest scoring week of the season(116pts) the Killers are feeling confident ahead of this weeks matchup against the Pounders. "Its gonna be a cakewalk" GM Jason Stanley said, "Gurley is finally hitting on all cylinders and D Murray may have been the steal of the draft"

3. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-2

What happened to the footlongs? They started out the year with aspirations of taking their place alongside the 2013 Firechefs as one of the GOAT but have lost 2 of their last 3. More concerning is that they have not broken 100 pts since week 2 and put up a measly 61 last week in a thrashing at the hands of the PV Monkeys.

GM Steve Murphy has a plan though "It was pitiful last week and that's why we are bringing in Presidential Candidate Donald Trump to speak at our team dinner on Thursday night. Lets just say that we plan to grab our opponent by the pussy next week!"

4. Firechefs 4-1

Speaking of the Firechefs ole CW may have finally whipped his team into shape as evident by their comeback 108-104 victory over the Touchdowns.  Despite being down 45 pts after the thursday night game the Firechefs came roaring back with Derek Carr scoring 21 pts and Waiver Wire Hero Tyrell Williams scoring 17.

The Firechefs face another high scoring team this week in the Zipper Destroyers but CW is not worried "I plan on running the same team out on the field that I have all season long" he said, "We don't see any reason to make changes at this point".

5. Raytown 3/5rs 3-2

Raytown residents have nicknamed this team the cardiac kids as they erased a 40 pt deficit on Monday Night Football to beat the Auto Pass's. With Mike Evans and Doug Martin/Jacquizz Rogers on Bye this week we they are going to need some other players to step up.

"We still believe that Lamar Miller(#19 overall draft pick) can be an impact player" GM Ben Keck stated, "He was less than impressive this week and has yet to score a TD but Lady has promised to give him some extra coaching this week".

6. I Touchdown There 2-3

Despite leading the league with 525 points and never scoring less than 95 The Touchdowns find themselves with a losing record. With 3 of the leagues top 4 RB's the Touchdowns have the manpower to turn their season around GM Mike Gomez knows every game from here on out is important.

"We are focusing on the game in front of us and thats it. All our guys are focused on getting better and we are ready to take down the Ditkas"

7. PV Porch Monkeys 3-2

Two weeks ago The Monkeys were dead in the water and in the process of selling off their team. Has two straight wins changed GM Pearce Wilson's mind? According to him that a big fat negative as he was quoted as saying "The rebuilding process has not been halted but we are still attempting to remain competitive, expectations are still low."

8. My Lucky Tates 2-3

The Tates have a solid team but is it championship caliber? Sure Julio Jones is a stud and Tevin Coleman/Andrew Luck are good players but GM Casey Wayne Walker has been talking like a defeatist lately. When asked how Jamaal Charles return will effect running back Spencer Ware he let a single tear roll down his face and whispered "It's over....".

9. Zipper Destroyers 2-3

After another loss has some people questioning GM Matt Murphy's decision to acquire Kelvin Benjamin but he is not backing down "The phone lines are always open, but it will take a good offer to forfeit our season before the halfway point. Jamaal's return gives us a critical piece to make a playoff run. We can afford to drop a couple more, we aren't worried."

Thing don't get easier this week as the Destroyers travel to take on the 4-1 Firechefs.

10. Slobb on my Cobb 2-3

Two deep playoff runs in a row may have taken their toll on the Cobb's this year. With only 1 player, their kicker, ranked in the top 10 there may not even be any pieces to sell off for draft picks.

11. Puff Puff Auto Pass 1-4

Tom Brady's explosive return to the KSFBFFL was overshadowed by the 3/5rs dramatic comeback victory. The Auto Pass's face a tough road to the playoffs but if GM Austin Taco decides to trade his team away he could get a fools bounty. Look for McCoy/Brady/Crabtree to be playing on different teams by the time the trade deadline rolls around.

12. Polygamy Pounders 1-4

A season low 52 pts last week may have signaled the end of the Pounders hopes of being competitive. GM Keane Cheese was in a somber mood after the loss "Up until now we had been focused on beating the opponent placed in front of us and as a result had deflected all trade offers....but i do think after this latest defeat its time to declare the market open. Look for the wacky waving inflatable arm guy outside of dailybread.com stadium"