120 Miles East of Gods Country
Katy Bar the Door! The 3/5rs are cummin!!!
The Raytown 3/5rs shook up their coaching staff last week when GM Ben Keck relinquished his coaching role to up and coming WR coach Lady. The shakeup paid immediate results as Lady led the 3/5rs to a comeback victory after expertly selecting her lineup card. We sat down with the 3/5rs new coach to learn more.
Q: The 3/5r's are one of the pillar franchises of the KSFBFFL but have fallen on hard times recently having not won a playoff game since 2011. How do you intend to bring them back to their rightful place atop the league?
When GM Ben Keck approached me about taking over the head coaching job I was initially hesitant. I've always been a huge fan of the KSFBFFL and have followed it closely all of my life, to have an opportunity to coach such a historic franchise was an opportunity I could not pass up. I've got 10 hrs a day where I'm home alone with nothing to do except dig holes and chew bones. With my new responsibility I plan to spend all my available time scouring the waiver wire and interacting with my players on twitter.
Q: That was a ballsy call last week starting Cameron Artis-Payne (combined 6 pts in last 2 games) last week but it paid off big with a 20pt performance. Was that a gut call?
A gut call? No, thats a clown question bro. That was 3 weeks worth of preparation that led to my decision to start Artis-Payne.
Q: When will Doug Martin return to the lineup?
That's a great question Ben and I wish I could give you an answer but its all up to the doctors. We are hoping to have him back after his Bye this week to help us make a late season push for the 1 seed. Now if you excuse me I see a rabbit trying to break into the garden.
1. Huge Ditkas 4-1
The Ditka's rise to the top spot in the league this week after an impressive 53pt beatdown of the Zipper Destroyers. GM Matthew Settle's decision to start 2 TE's paid off in a big way as Greg Olsen put up 18pts and Martellus Bennet scored 3 TDs on the way to a 24pt performance.
2. Keckism Killers 3-2
With their highest scoring week of the season(116pts) the Killers are feeling confident ahead of this weeks matchup against the Pounders. "Its gonna be a cakewalk" GM Jason Stanley said, "Gurley is finally hitting on all cylinders and D Murray may have been the steal of the draft"
3. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-2
What happened to the footlongs? They started out the year with aspirations of taking their place alongside the 2013 Firechefs as one of the GOAT but have lost 2 of their last 3. More concerning is that they have not broken 100 pts since week 2 and put up a measly 61 last week in a thrashing at the hands of the PV Monkeys.
GM Steve Murphy has a plan though "It was pitiful last week and that's why we are bringing in Presidential Candidate Donald Trump to speak at our team dinner on Thursday night. Lets just say that we plan to grab our opponent by the pussy next week!"
4. Firechefs 4-1
Speaking of the Firechefs ole CW may have finally whipped his team into shape as evident by their comeback 108-104 victory over the Touchdowns. Despite being down 45 pts after the thursday night game the Firechefs came roaring back with Derek Carr scoring 21 pts and Waiver Wire Hero Tyrell Williams scoring 17.
The Firechefs face another high scoring team this week in the Zipper Destroyers but CW is not worried "I plan on running the same team out on the field that I have all season long" he said, "We don't see any reason to make changes at this point".
5. Raytown 3/5rs 3-2
Raytown residents have nicknamed this team the cardiac kids as they erased a 40 pt deficit on Monday Night Football to beat the Auto Pass's. With Mike Evans and Doug Martin/Jacquizz Rogers on Bye this week we they are going to need some other players to step up.
"We still believe that Lamar Miller(#19 overall draft pick) can be an impact player" GM Ben Keck stated, "He was less than impressive this week and has yet to score a TD but Lady has promised to give him some extra coaching this week".
6. I Touchdown There 2-3
Despite leading the league with 525 points and never scoring less than 95 The Touchdowns find themselves with a losing record. With 3 of the leagues top 4 RB's the Touchdowns have the manpower to turn their season around GM Mike Gomez knows every game from here on out is important.
"We are focusing on the game in front of us and thats it. All our guys are focused on getting better and we are ready to take down the Ditkas"
7. PV Porch Monkeys 3-2
Two weeks ago The Monkeys were dead in the water and in the process of selling off their team. Has two straight wins changed GM Pearce Wilson's mind? According to him that a big fat negative as he was quoted as saying "The rebuilding process has not been halted but we are still attempting to remain competitive, expectations are still low."
8. My Lucky Tates 2-3
The Tates have a solid team but is it championship caliber? Sure Julio Jones is a stud and Tevin Coleman/Andrew Luck are good players but GM Casey Wayne Walker has been talking like a defeatist lately. When asked how Jamaal Charles return will effect running back Spencer Ware he let a single tear roll down his face and whispered "It's over....".
9. Zipper Destroyers 2-3
After another loss has some people questioning GM Matt Murphy's decision to acquire Kelvin Benjamin but he is not backing down "The phone lines are always open, but it will take a good offer to forfeit our season before the halfway point. Jamaal's return gives us a critical piece to make a playoff run. We can afford to drop a couple more, we aren't worried."
Thing don't get easier this week as the Destroyers travel to take on the 4-1 Firechefs.
10. Slobb on my Cobb 2-3
Two deep playoff runs in a row may have taken their toll on the Cobb's this year. With only 1 player, their kicker, ranked in the top 10 there may not even be any pieces to sell off for draft picks.
11. Puff Puff Auto Pass 1-4
Tom Brady's explosive return to the KSFBFFL was overshadowed by the 3/5rs dramatic comeback victory. The Auto Pass's face a tough road to the playoffs but if GM Austin Taco decides to trade his team away he could get a fools bounty. Look for McCoy/Brady/Crabtree to be playing on different teams by the time the trade deadline rolls around.
12. Polygamy Pounders 1-4
A season low 52 pts last week may have signaled the end of the Pounders hopes of being competitive. GM Keane Cheese was in a somber mood after the loss "Up until now we had been focused on beating the opponent placed in front of us and as a result had deflected all trade offers....but i do think after this latest defeat its time to declare the market open. Look for the wacky waving inflatable arm guy outside of dailybread.com stadium"
1. Huge Ditkas 4-1
The Ditka's rise to the top spot in the league this week after an impressive 53pt beatdown of the Zipper Destroyers. GM Matthew Settle's decision to start 2 TE's paid off in a big way as Greg Olsen put up 18pts and Martellus Bennet scored 3 TDs on the way to a 24pt performance.
2. Keckism Killers 3-2
With their highest scoring week of the season(116pts) the Killers are feeling confident ahead of this weeks matchup against the Pounders. "Its gonna be a cakewalk" GM Jason Stanley said, "Gurley is finally hitting on all cylinders and D Murray may have been the steal of the draft"
3. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-2
What happened to the footlongs? They started out the year with aspirations of taking their place alongside the 2013 Firechefs as one of the GOAT but have lost 2 of their last 3. More concerning is that they have not broken 100 pts since week 2 and put up a measly 61 last week in a thrashing at the hands of the PV Monkeys.
GM Steve Murphy has a plan though "It was pitiful last week and that's why we are bringing in Presidential Candidate Donald Trump to speak at our team dinner on Thursday night. Lets just say that we plan to grab our opponent by the pussy next week!"
4. Firechefs 4-1
Speaking of the Firechefs ole CW may have finally whipped his team into shape as evident by their comeback 108-104 victory over the Touchdowns. Despite being down 45 pts after the thursday night game the Firechefs came roaring back with Derek Carr scoring 21 pts and Waiver Wire Hero Tyrell Williams scoring 17.
The Firechefs face another high scoring team this week in the Zipper Destroyers but CW is not worried "I plan on running the same team out on the field that I have all season long" he said, "We don't see any reason to make changes at this point".
5. Raytown 3/5rs 3-2
Raytown residents have nicknamed this team the cardiac kids as they erased a 40 pt deficit on Monday Night Football to beat the Auto Pass's. With Mike Evans and Doug Martin/Jacquizz Rogers on Bye this week we they are going to need some other players to step up.
"We still believe that Lamar Miller(#19 overall draft pick) can be an impact player" GM Ben Keck stated, "He was less than impressive this week and has yet to score a TD but Lady has promised to give him some extra coaching this week".
6. I Touchdown There 2-3
Despite leading the league with 525 points and never scoring less than 95 The Touchdowns find themselves with a losing record. With 3 of the leagues top 4 RB's the Touchdowns have the manpower to turn their season around GM Mike Gomez knows every game from here on out is important.
"We are focusing on the game in front of us and thats it. All our guys are focused on getting better and we are ready to take down the Ditkas"
7. PV Porch Monkeys 3-2
Two weeks ago The Monkeys were dead in the water and in the process of selling off their team. Has two straight wins changed GM Pearce Wilson's mind? According to him that a big fat negative as he was quoted as saying "The rebuilding process has not been halted but we are still attempting to remain competitive, expectations are still low."
8. My Lucky Tates 2-3
The Tates have a solid team but is it championship caliber? Sure Julio Jones is a stud and Tevin Coleman/Andrew Luck are good players but GM Casey Wayne Walker has been talking like a defeatist lately. When asked how Jamaal Charles return will effect running back Spencer Ware he let a single tear roll down his face and whispered "It's over....".
9. Zipper Destroyers 2-3
After another loss has some people questioning GM Matt Murphy's decision to acquire Kelvin Benjamin but he is not backing down "The phone lines are always open, but it will take a good offer to forfeit our season before the halfway point. Jamaal's return gives us a critical piece to make a playoff run. We can afford to drop a couple more, we aren't worried."
Thing don't get easier this week as the Destroyers travel to take on the 4-1 Firechefs.
10. Slobb on my Cobb 2-3
Two deep playoff runs in a row may have taken their toll on the Cobb's this year. With only 1 player, their kicker, ranked in the top 10 there may not even be any pieces to sell off for draft picks.
11. Puff Puff Auto Pass 1-4
Tom Brady's explosive return to the KSFBFFL was overshadowed by the 3/5rs dramatic comeback victory. The Auto Pass's face a tough road to the playoffs but if GM Austin Taco decides to trade his team away he could get a fools bounty. Look for McCoy/Brady/Crabtree to be playing on different teams by the time the trade deadline rolls around.
12. Polygamy Pounders 1-4
A season low 52 pts last week may have signaled the end of the Pounders hopes of being competitive. GM Keane Cheese was in a somber mood after the loss "Up until now we had been focused on beating the opponent placed in front of us and as a result had deflected all trade offers....but i do think after this latest defeat its time to declare the market open. Look for the wacky waving inflatable arm guy outside of dailybread.com stadium"
No comments:
Post a Comment