2013 League of Extraordinary Men Playoff Preview

With 5 games left in the 2013 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a giant clusterfuck of Mediocrity that would make Mizzou fans blush. The only team that looks like a lock for the playoffs started out the year 0-3 and the team that started 5-0 is currently 1 game above .500. To make matters even more confusing Three of the Four Highest scoring teams last week(Blanco’s, HBT’s, Yell) wouldn’t even make the playoffs if they started today.

Let’s take a look how these teams sort out and their chances for making the playoffs.

Ticket Punched

Furbush Fisters (11-6)-

Despite scoring 417 pts last week the Fisters squandered a 100+ pt lead in the final day and lost a close ne to Rebel Yell. If Trout and Fernandez keep playing like stud’s the Fisters should have no problem from here on out including 2 gimmes against the Elephants and HBT’s.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Crocs- W

HBT- W

Billy Buttlicks-L

Team Elephant- W

Rebel Yell- L

Anything Could Happen

Billy Buttlicks (9-8)-

The Buttlicks faced the Cano’s last week and ended up on the wrong side of the Cripple Fight losing by 5pt. Their schedule toughens up a bit this week when the scorching hot Blanco’s come to town. Big rematch against the Cano’s to end the season.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Los Gringos Blanco’s- L

Penn Valley Pooches- W

Furbush Fisters- W

PV Predators- W

Paddle Your Own Cano-L

Paddle Your Own Cano (9-8)-

This team is 4-8 over their last 12 games and seem to be tailing off as we reach the dog days of Summer. They were able to eek out a win last week against the Buttlicks and really need a breather this week against the Elephants.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Team Elephant- W

Rebel Yell- L

Crocs In Florida-L

Hidden Ball Tricks- W

Billy Buttlicks- W

Crocs In Florida (9-8)-

All is not well in Allen Bairds office after a pitiful 210pt performance this week. With the 1^st place Fisters coming to town this week the Crocs may want to stock up on some Astro Glide.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Furbush Fisters- L

PV Predators- W

Paddle Your Own Cano- W

Los Gringos Blanco’s- L

Penn Valley Pooches- L

Penn Valley Pooches (9-8)-

The Pooches coasted to an Easy W last week despite not playing well. Rumor has it that 1B Eric Hosmer attributes his second half turn around to being on a tight lease after partying a bit too much in April and May.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Hidden Ball Tricks- L

Billy Buttlicks- L

Team Elephant- W

Rebel Yell- W

Crocs In Florida- W

Los Gringos Blanco’s (8-8-1)-

The Blanco’s put the league on notice last week with their 470pt performance. They certainly have some work to do if they want to make the playoffs but GM Keane Horner knows what it takes to win a championship.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Billy Buttlicks- W

Team Elephant- L

Rebel Yell- W

Crocs in Florida-W

Hidden Ball Tricks-L

Rebel Yell (8-8-1)-

Rebel Yell appears to have recovered from their recent swoon and knocked off the 1^st place Fisters with a furious Sunday Rally. The schedule doesn’t cut them any breaks to end the year but Starting Pitchers Jake Peavy and Max Scherzer plans to drag this team to the playoffs on their backs.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

PV Predators- W

Paddle Your Own Cano- W

Los Gringos Blanco- L

Crocs in Florida- W

Furbush Fisters- W

PV Predators (8-9)-

The Predators took a tough L last week against The Elephants that may just cost GM Harrison Poole a chance at the playoffs. They have 2 gimme’s to round out the year and need to beat Yell,Crocs or Buttlicks if they want to make something happen in September.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Rebel Yell- L

Crocs in Florida- L

Hidden Ball Tricks- W

Billy Buttlicks- L

Team Elephant- W

Down But Not Out

Hidden Ball Tricks (7-10)-

What to Make of the Ball Tricks? They put up 400pts last week but could not secure the W against the Blanco’s. While they still control their own destiny they pretty much need to win out if they want a shot and hoisting hardware over their head this year.

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Penn Valley Pooches- W

Furbush Fisters- L

PV Predators- L

Paddle Your Own Cano- L

Los Gringos Blanco’s- W

Better Luck Next Year

Team Elephant (6-11)-

VEGAS?!?

Upcoming Schedule and Prediction-

Paddle Your Own Cano- L

Los Gringos Blanco’s- W

Penn Valley Pooches- L

Furbush Fisters- L

PV Predators- L

Projected Final Finish

1. Furbush Fisters- (14-8)

2. Rebel Yell- (12-9-1)

3. Paddle Your Own Cano- (12-10) Head to Head Tie breaker over Buttlicks

4. Billy Buttlicks- (12-10)

5. Los Gringos Blanco’s- (11-10-1)

6. Penn Valley Pooches- (11-11) Head to Head Tie breaker over Crocs

7. Crocs in Florida- (11-11)

8. PV Predators- (10-12)

9. Hidden Ball Tricks- (9-12)

10. Team Elephant- (7-15)

Weed 14 Power Rankings

WEEK 14 POWER RANKINGS

We have a surprise team on top this week the 8-4 Furbush Fisters. We caught up with GM "Juice" Van Heche on the way to the clubhouse this week and asked him a couple of questions.

 First of all Congratulation on taking the top spot of the BWKNBNC Week 14 power rankings. Has this been a goal of your team since the season started?

 I don't think any of the teams in this league made it their goal to be in first place this early in the season.  Our goal is to hoist the trophy at the end of the season.  There are no trophies to be won in week 13.  We have a lot of work left to do and believe that our best baseball is still ahead of us. 

Your ball club started out 0-3 and seemed to have given up on the season before Brook was promoted to co GM. What kind of presence does she bring to the dugout?

Well Ben, she has brought the cooking skills that have allowed our players to eat like fucking kings.  Oh and steriods...

Since the 0-3 start the Fisters are 8-1 despite lacking any certifiable STUD starters. How  have you been able to overcome this during your current streak?

We preach the concept of TEAM in our clubhouse.  We feel that the great chemistry in the clubhouse and the dugout is a big key to our success.  Throughout the season it seems like when some of our guys are in slumps the rest of the team is there to pick them up.  We don't have a lot of power and RBI potential on our team, but what we lack in that area we have more than made up for it in stolen bases.  Fuck it lets be honest, our lineup stinks worse than Annie Thompson's pussy on a hot summer night at PNL.  We are just going to have to continue to count on our pitching and timely hitting.

 Some media members have pointed out that the Fisters have had the lowest amount of points scored on them all season and believe that their current hot streak is merely a mirage. What do you have to say to all the haterz out there?

Ben we don't worry about what we can't control.  We are simply working on getting better everyday.  Our good fortune may run out, but again thats not something we can worry about.  As long as we continue to play well and play with excellent fundamentals I believe we will be successful.

It looks like the Fisters have a lot of players on the DL right now. Any chance we see they make a move to acquire a fresh body?

We have been working late scouring the waiver wire and have been on the phones constantly working on some trades.  We have both David Price and Jose Reyes coming back by the end of the month so we feel that those two will give our team a nice boost as we approach the all-star break.  I believe that any team in the league would love to be adding those two in the middle of the season.  David was flat out awful before he got hurt but we are confident that he will return to his Cy Young form sooner than later.  Jose was outstanding before he got hurt so we are looking for him to pick up where he left off.

Here is this week’s Power Rankings

 "STUD'S"

1. Furbush Fisters (8-4) – Juice Christine

A new top dog this week as the Fisters have risen to the top after starting the season in the dawg house of the power rankings. The Fisters may have the fewest points scored against them of any team but until someone knocks them off they are on top.

2. Paddle Your Own Cano (7-5) - Sven Murphy

The Cano's of hit a bit of a rough patch losing 2/3 including a soul crushing loss this week against the Elephants. This team is still putting up impressive point totals but could do without Jeremy Guthrie's negative 17 points.

3. Billy Buttlicks (7-5) - Schooon McGooooooooon

The Buttlicks had a nice comeback win last week against Rebel Yell and put up an impressive 360 pts. You might not hear much about this team since I haven't seen owner Schoon McGoon since KSU Bball season but believe me, they can still play some ball.

4. Rebel Yell (6-6) - Benjamin William Keck

Rebel Yell has been sliding lately losing their last two games. We reached out to GM Benjamin William Keck to see what's going on.

"The fact of the matter is we have been racked by injuries. Two top 30 starters are on the DL and we just got Micheal Cuddyer back, we'll be fine come payday in september"

5 . Crocs In Florida (6-6)- Allan Baird

The crocs have clawed their way back to .500 on the backs of Adam Wainwright and Patrick Corbin. They face a tough matchup this week against Rebel Yell and their championship winning GM Benjamin William Keck.

"PUD'S"

6. Hidden Ball Tricks (5-7) - Blouse McKinney

The Pudly HBT's wouldn't be in the playoffs if the season ended today but GM Blouse McKinney appears to have righted his sinking ship despite a close loss to the Crocs last week.

They have a tough matchup against the up and down Elephants this week but should be able to eke out a victory.

  

7. Team Elephant (5-7) - Casey McIntosh

THE ELEPHANTS, SMOKIN HOT RIGHT NOW, 407 POINTS, WOOOO WEEE, HOT DAMN, ZIMMERMAN AND GARZA THROWING HEAT, HEAT I TELL YOU, CHRIS DAVIS SMACKIN HOME RUNS, GIGGITY, BAM, AMAZING!

8. PV Predators (6-6) - Old Man River

Its finger pointing time on 73rd ter as the Predators are slumping. GM Old Man River was last seen dropping his drawers when he heard it was finger pointing time.

9. Los Gringo's Blancos (5-7) - Cheese Horner

¿De verdad sólo traducir esto a leer algo de queso? Su equipo está caliente la basura y sus calcetines son por la costra con los restos de los mil hijos por nacer.

10. Penn Valley Pooches (5-7) - The Dawg

Suuppppppppppp

Week 12 Power Rankings

WEEK 12 POWER RANKINGS

BREAKING NEWS-

BWKNBNC has learned that reigning champion Matt Murphy has recently sold his team to "The Dawg".  The Speculation that has always circled around the KC Brosmers regarding who the true owner is has finally been put to rest. 

So what do we know about this mystery figure simply called "The Dawg"? Well not much, a quick google search shows that he is a playboy millionaire who was last spotted in the boom boom room of the B-Slider.

We reached out to Matthew Murphy who confirmed that "The Dawg" has bought the team and will be renaming them "The Penn Valley Pooches". Mr Murphy had no other news for us but speculated the roster would stay intact.

END BREAKING NEWS-

The Cano's hold on the the top spot but have been floundering of late. We reached out to GM Sven Murphy last week to ask about his teams recent woes.

1. How do the recent injuries to Peavy and Strasburg effect your attempt at a championship

The injuries to JP and Sven are very minor A DL stint for the two youngsters ensures their arms will be fresh for games that matter. Expect them both the be back in the lineup soon.(Editors note, Peavy was waived right after the comment)

2. Any truth both pitchers were injured in a locker room fight over a case of natty?

As for the fight we are taking away the clubhouse video games until the all star break. Too much gambling fighting and childish activity has been going on lately.

3. How many games in a row can you lose before you decide a drastic change is needed?

The cano's have hit a tough stretch, yes, but we have a championship demeanor that is instilled in every one of your players. Look for leaders like Robbie Cano, Justin Upton(since traded) and CC Sabatia to step up.

4. Any truth to the rumors your namesake Robbie Cano is on the trading block?

Cano is our franchise player and is going nowhere. End of comments.

Here is this week’s Power Rankings

 "STUD'S"

1. Paddle Your Own Cano (7-3) - Sven Murphy

The Cano's have not been as impressive as they were at the start of the year squeaking out a 17 point win over the floundering Blanco's. With 2 starters on the DL GM Sven Murphy decided to shake things up by acquiring Zacko the Wacko from the elephants. Tough match up this week against the scorching hot Fisters.

2. Rebel Yell (6-4) – Ben “10 for 10” Keck

League High 426 pts last week put a damper on the HBT's attempts at a comeback 

The key player of the week was Kyle Lohse who rejoined the team Sunday morning and put up an impressive 33 pt performance after being relegated to the waiver wire for 1 month.

3. Furbush Fisters (6-4) – Juice Christine

After starting the year 0-3 the Fisters have been tearing up buttholes left and right including their latest victim Crocs in Florida. Mike Minor and Shelby Miller both had solid weeks to lead the Fisters to their latest victory.

We reached out to GM Brook Van Heche to see if she had any comments about allegations regarding PED's like Steroids and Amphetamines being handed out like candy on Halloween. Brook was visibly upset by the allegations and refused to comment.

4. Billy Buttlicks (6-4) - Schoon McGoon

The Buttlicks cruised to an easy 70 point victory over the Elephants while putting up 398 points. There is nothing flashy about this team but with the recent addition of Yasiel Puig to an offense already featuring Trumbo this team has the look of a contender.

"PUD'S"

No dud's this week as we still have a clusterfuck at the bottom.

5 . Crocs In Florida (4-6)- Allan Baird

The Crocs have been hot recently but had an off week putting up a measly 309 points in their latest matchup. David Ortiz came through again but his 35 points were almost wiped out by a -24 effort by Ian Kennedy.

  

6. Prairie Village Predators (5-5) - Old Man River

The Predators have been slumping lately but they still sit at 5-5. With the harvest season starting soon expect to see Old Man River spend more time tending his garden then his baseball squad.

7. Los Gringos Blancos (4-6) – Cheese Horner

The Blanco's drop to 4-6 after losing a heart breaker to the 1st place Cano's. We reached out to GM Cheese Horner but he could not be reached for comment after consuming 2 lbs of montery jack while on a monday night bender.

8. Penn Valley Pooches (4-6) – The Dawg

New ownership brings deep pockets to the Penn Valley Pooches. We tried to reach out to The Dawg tonight but he had jumped the fence and all his voice mail said was "Dawg out chasing bitches, leave a message at the WOOF WOOF BARK"

9. Hidden Ball Tricks (4-6) – Pearce McKinney

The HBT's put up the second highest point total last week but still got the L after running into the buzz saw that is REBEL YELL.

Despite their recent showing I'm not sold the on the HBT's chances, they still have the lowest season point total.

10. Team Elephant(4-6) – Wayne Walker

While the Elephants are not terrible someone needs to be in last and this week it is the Elephants.

The season is never over for GM Wayne Walker who recently traded his Pitching Keeper from last year Zacko The Wacko. We reached out to Wayne about some recent unpaid rent at his soon to be former residence but could not get ahold of him

Week 11 Power Rankings

1. Paddle your own Cano
2. Billy Buttlicks
3. Rebel Yell
4. Furbush Fisters
5. Crocs in Florida
6. Los Gringos Blancos
7. PV Predators
8. Team Elephant
9. Hidden Ball Tricks
10. KC Brosmers

Hidden Ball Tricks Unveil New Logo

Week 7 Power Rankings

ITS GETTING CRAZY OUT DER!!!

Two Studs lose and two Dud's win.

Fisters Cruise and Buttlicks lose.

Blanco's win and Elephants Try again.

***SPECIAL PICTURE EDITION***WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

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Mid-Week Update

Taking a look at the games going on this week the most surprising result so far is the whooping Elk Musk Poole and the Predators are putting on Playboy owner Pearce McKinley's HBT's. The HBT's have had some fortunate luck this season racking up 3 wins despite scoring the fewest amount of points.

BWKNBNC has learned that GM Pearce McKinley is not happy with his ball club and may be looking to shake things up with a blockbuster trade, he is rumored to be looking for an entire infielder or "Basically just anyone with a pulse" and some pitching depth.

The Elephants and Brosmers are all locked up in the 160's at this point and each team is desperate for a win. I predict a Brosmers victory that will keep GM Pooch McGee out of the doghouse for at least another week.

The Cano's seem to have taken a solid lead over the Crocs today but anything could happen with each team still having 7 starters left. The Crocs are desperate for a win and if they get close enough they may just get ahold and take the Cano's under with a couple barrel rolls.

Rebel Yell has a 20pt lead over the Blanco's right now and should cruise to an easy victory. Despite being #2 in the latest power ranking Yell GM Ben Keck is still convinced his team can get better. Rumors place him in Salt Lake City last night talking to Blanco's GM Cheese Horner about a possible trade after this week.

Last but not least we have the Fisters continuing to tear the league a new asshole as they are currently up 60 points on the slumping buttlicks.


There are good ships and bad ships, there are ships that sail the sea, but the best ship is a championship, and may it ever.

2010 Rebel Yell
2011 Paddle Your Own Cano
2012 KC Brosmers