1. 50 Shades of Taint- Steve Murphy
The Taints take the first spot atop the power rankings this year as the reigning champion. The key player from that championship run, Adrian Peterson, returns as well hoping to join the Dixieland 3/5'rs as the only team to win BACK 2 BACK titles. If Grandpa Gore and Uncle Welker can stay healthy this team has a chance at that goal.
Key Player- Giovani Benard. No idea who this guy is but for some reason Stevie thinks his shit dont stink.
2. Dixieland Three Fifthers- Ben Ji Keck
The 3/5'rs had a rough go last year but look to bounce back behind a superb stable of Running Backs including Alfred Morris, Trent Richardson and David Wilson. Starting QB Matthew Stafford is primed for a come back year and is excited to sling the rock to newly acquired recievers Dwayne Bowe and Brandon Marshal "Yeah should be cool I guess, now leave me alone dude" he said.
Key Player- David Wilson. With the pre-season Injury to Andre Ware, Wilson will look to make big things POP as the every down back.
3. DezRespect Your Mother- Casey McIntosh
Is this the year Casey Wayne breaks through and makes the playoffs? Stud RB's Doug Martin and Jamal Charles say yes! If Andrew Luck has another stellar year and Lil Danny Amendola become's the new Wes Welker up in New England this team could be a threat to win the WHOLE DAM THING.
Key Player- Lamar Miller. Miller was recently named the starter in Miami, if he can become a top 20 back.....
4. The FireChefs- Justin Van Heche
Is this a 7 on 7 league? One would think so after looking at the this teams roster. Stud QB Peyton Manning Molloy should find plenty of open recievers between Calvin/Andre Johnson and Jordy Nelson. Who will run the ball though?
Key Player- Reggie Bush. Bush hopes a move to Detroit will help get the taste of Kayne's Dick out of his mouth.
5. Matt Millen Is My GM- Jason Scott Stanley
Can we just rename your squad "Running Backs Need Not Apply"? Luckily for Mr. Stans he's got Drew Bree's slinging the Rock to Julio Jones and AJ Yellow. If Darren McFadden can stay healthy team "Running Backs Need Not Apply" could win the first ever title for GM Stans The Man.
Key Player- DARRYL Richardson. Never heard of the guy but he has a cool name.
6. I Touchdown There- Mike Brungy(I can never remember how to spell your last name)
The Touchdown's hope new RB Steven Jackson has enough in the tank to complement super stud back CJ Spiller. If Jackson can't produce Brungy will have to hope Matt Ryan connects with Victor Cruz for some long touchdowns.
Key Player- Eddie Lacy. Lacy will be the starter in GB and could be primed for a great rookie season.
7. West Canaan Coyotes- Harri Houdini
This ball club could be a contender if everything falls in to place....C2K bounces back...Tony G still has it.....He finds a QB......Demarco Murray stays healthy......but right now there are too many question marks
Key Player- Demarco Murray. Plays for Cowboys, ask wayne about him or something.
8. Johnny Footballs- Tristan & Jenny Trupka
GM Jenny Trupka expects big things from starting QB Cam Newton this year and hopes he can carry the teams geriatrics(Ray Rice, Steve Smith) on his back.
Key Player- Montee Ball. Big fat guy from wisconsin, supposedly starting in denver.
9. Polygamy Pounders- Cheese Horner
Woof, Matt Forte/Dez Bryant/Larry Fitzgerald are the only proven performers on the team. Looks to be a rough year for socks in the Horner Household.
Key Player- Collin Kapernick. Dude sucks so bad the Coyotes cut him right after the draft.
10. Raw Dawg- Matt "Pooches" Murphy
Here is a picture of starting QB Robert Griffin's Knee
Key Player- Mike Vick. If Mike D can ride Vick to a Title anything is possible for the Dawgs if Vick reclaims his 2011 form.
11. Puff Puff Pass- Austin Meyers
Besides Tom Brady this team pretty much sucks, A+ draft grade or not. If the Puff's want to make it to the playoffs they will need Lesean "Shady" McCoy to lock it the fuck up because he certainly didnt do that last year when he fucked over my entire team by being a little cry baby bitch and maybe he's not the only reason my squad won 3 games but fuck if i cant blame it all on his peice of shit bowlegged frame.
Key Player-Rashad Mendenhall. Sucked in Pittsburgh, will prob suck in Arizona as well.
12. Team McKinney- Pearce "Blouse" McKinney
Keeping Ridley was dumb but starting Micheal Bush opposite him was dumber. Look for GM Pearce Pearce to start dismantling his squad for draft picks around week 7.
Key Player- Stevie Ridley. I dare you to prove me wrong.
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