Week 12 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles east of Gods Country

A LEAGUE IN TURMOIL?!? LAWSUITS THREATENED BY ENRAGED OWNER MATT MURPHY!!!!

Destroyers GM Matt Murphy has threatened to "Sue everyone to hell" 

BWKNBNC has learned that Zipper Destroyers GM Matthew Murphy is threatening legal action against the KSFBFFL if his team fails to make the Playoffs and Slobb on My Cobb does. The incident stems from last weeks game where the Kaibob Kangol Krew had 2 starters who were either out with an Injury or on a Bye week during their matchup with the Cobbs. The Cobbs ended up winning 55-45 and that does not sit well with Destroyers GM Matt Murphy “It’s alarming. The fact that another owner cares so little about the integrity of the league. We have the second highest point total, just astronomical, and we should make the playoffs. If the KKK play by the rules they should of beat the Cobbs and I would have more breathing room”. If GM Murphy does follow through with his threat it would be the first lawsuit filed against the League since Mike D sued for wrongful termination in 2011.

1. Huge Ditkas (7-4)

Four straight 100+ games and a league high 1032 pts has the Ditkas eating high on the hog this autumn. Coach Button Settles attributes his recent winning streak to “Consistent smart moves from our players looking to shine”…Whatever the hell that means. He also added that “The end of the season is our toughest yet but we are coming in hot for a first round bye”. The Ditkas still have to play the Touchdowns and Monkeys before the playoffs start so we will find out if they deserve the lofty title of #1 in the power rankings.

2. Raytown 3/5 (8-3)

Head ball coach Lady was not made available to the Media after last weeks heartbreaking loss to the Touchdowns. Some have speculated that it was to hide the black eyes she had received from her owners but GM Ben Keck denied that was the case “That’s all non sense, nothing of the sort happened” He said “Lady is hard at work  preparing for our matchup this weekend against the Monkeys. This game is HUGE, if we win we will lock up the #1 overall seed and a first round bye. Expect Lady to make her decision about the starting QB position by tomorrow afternoon."

3. PV Monkeys (8-3)

The Monkeys fell to their former landlord the Killers last week but Coach Lola Wilson was not worried. “Things like that happen” She said “We will be welcoming back Greg Olsen this week and expect big things from him to end the season”. With 2 more tough games on the schedule the end of the year the Monkeys will need to win at least 1, possibly 2 if they want to keep their first round bye.

4. I Touchdown There (7-4)

The Touchdowns dominance of the 3/5rs continued last week with a 87-85 victory bringing their all time record to 8-1 against the 3/5rs franchise. GM Mike Brungy didn’t think much of it though “It was a good win for us to get back on track. There isn’t a lot for me to say, the team knew they were capable of beating the 3/5rs, hell they’ve done it 8 times now”. With an outside chance at a first round bye still in the picture the Touchdowns are focused on beating the red hot Ditkas “The Ditkas are a hot team right now” Brungy remarked “We are going to need solid production from everybody. I’m looking to get dez and digs some more touches and hopefully a couple of TDs”.

5. Keckism Killers (6-5)

“Last week was a season saving win” Coach Boo said during his press conference Tuesday. “The Monkeys put up a valiant effort but much like their playoff performances they came up just short”. The killers finish off the year with games against the KKK and Deadbeats and should be able to cruise to a 8-5 record but a first round bye does not seem like its in the cards this year.

6. Slobb On My Cobb (6-5)

The Cobbs played like shit again last week but put another W on the scoreboard against the KKK. The soft end to the regular season means that barring any upsets the Cobbs can make the playoffs as long as the killers or Destroyers lose one of their last few games. GM Tristan Trooopka still feels like this is a team that can make some noise if they do get in the playoffs and is excited about his recent waiver wire pickup of Samje Perine “We strengthened our stable of backs this week and feel that will be enough to bring home a 3^rd Martin”

7. Zipper Destroyers (6-5)

Pictures were flying off the wall last weekend in Dallas as GM Matt “The Dawg” Murphy was LIVID about the KKK starting a kicker who was on his bye week against the Cobbs “Fucking Bullshit” He said “I have the 2^nd highest point total in the league but I’m 1 loss away from missing the playoffs! It shouldn’t be allowed! I have a good team dammit! Fucking Cheese didn’t even set his lineup! It’s not my fault I lost 5 games already this year! Look at my point total”. He calmed down after popping a Xanax and seemed to regain his composure when asked about his brewing QB controversy between Big Ben and Drew Brees “We are playing it week by week and this week Drew is getting the nod. We can’t predict efficiency but our crew does well analyzing matchups and predicting pass attempts which will favor Drew in a shootout vs the Rams”

8. Puff Puff Pass (5-6)

An errant snap chat posted to story mode by Philip Rivers showed that he and 3 other players stayed out until 4am on Sunday morning visiting Bonita Flats. The late night romp showed on the field as the Puffs were blown out by the Deadbeats in what should be a season ending defeat. GM Puff Meyers was disappointed but hopeful for the future “Its disgraceful, those players being out that late without inviting the owner. Our season is shot, it didn’t help to have 3 of my starters out on Bye but there are no excuses to losing to Wayne. We gave it a run, picked up some draft picks for 2018 but 2017 is over. We are heading back to Bonita Flats tonight, as a team, to pick up where we left off on Saturday night”

9. The Fire Chefs (5-6)

While the season may be over the Coach Van Hecke and the Firechefs they are still playing for something this week when they take on the Destroyers. “We would love nothing more than to beat the destroyers and keep them out of the playoffs. If we beat them this week and help the Cobbs make the playoffs that gives us champions (Keck/Horner/Muphy(Steve)/Trupka/Walker) a better chance of keeping the Martin in the family. The last thing I want to see if another owner get their grubby hands on that pristine trophy”

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-8)

The Krew have been officially reprimanded by the league office for failing to set their lineup before week 11. If there is another occurance they will be docked a 7^th round draft pick in 2018.

11. Deadbeat Darryls (3-8)

The Darryl’s jumped up and bit the Puffs last week. Can they do it again this week against the Cobbs?

12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-9)

Such a sad sad season for this formerly proud franchise.

Week 11 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
Looking at you through your window now....

PV Monkeys Skyrocket up the rankings!

PV Monkeys Playboy Owner Pearce McKinley Celebrates His 8-2 Start with Cocaine, lots of cocaine.

The  2017 rendition of K-States Finest Bros Fantasy Football League is coming down to an exciting end with 9 of 12 teams still .500 or above. The PV Monkeys and the Raytown 3/5rs are the class of the league at 8-2 and seem destined for first round byes. A step below them and its a like a bull in a china shop, just absolute mayhem as 7 teams fight for the 4 remaining playoff spots.

Without further adoo here are the week 11 Power Rankings.

1. Raytown 3/5rs (8-2)

It was business as usual last week as the 3/5rs earned their 8^th Win of the season. “Kirk and Greg both had a hell of a game and we are going to need the same type of performance from them next week” Coach Lady Said referencing their HUGE matchup with the Touchdowns. Since joining the league in 2012 the Touchdowns have beat the 3/5rs 7 out of 8 times but Lady isn’t fazed “This is only my second year as a coach so I can’t comment on what happened before. What I can comment on is that the Touchdowns are a trash team, and a trash organization led by a coach who has yet to win a playoff game (Drops mic)”

2. PV Monkeys (8-2)

Time to give the Monkeys the respect they deserve after a 21pt beat down of the cobbs. Christian McCaffrey is finally playing like the 3^rd round pick he was and has put up double digit totals the last 2 weeks. The Monkeys matchup this week is the desperate Killers who need a win to stay in the playoff Hunt. GM Pearce McKinney says that while all games count the same this one means a little more “The Monkeys and Killers always enjoy each other’s failure. It dates back to the days when their GMs would wait in hiding for hours to scare the opposing GM into Peeing their pants”.

3. Huge Ditka’s (6-4)

Despite putting up 101 pts in a win last week Ditka’s dropped a spot to make room for the red hot Monkeys. GM Matthew “Button” Settle is not worried tho “I feel good for the end of our season. Since our week seven slump we have been consistently rising with 3 100+ point games in a row.” RB Alvin Kamara has been a HUGE part of that putting up double digits in each of the last 4 games. A first round bye may be out of the picture for the Ditkas due to their remaining schedule “We have a tough road ahead against some of the top teams to end the season”

4. I Touchdown There (6-4)

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Cam Newton. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Lesean McCoy. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Carlos Hyde. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Here is coach Brungardt with a comment "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb"

5. Slobb on My Cobb (5-5)

Two time KSFBFFL Champion Tristan Trupka has guided his team to a 5-5 record but finishes out the season with 3 teams deep in the rebuilding process. "The Cobbs opponents over the next 3 weeks represent the bottom of the league. Game plan will be to get fat and hope to come out on top of the Chaos" Coach Moose said. With Touchdown Tom rocketing the ball around the field to Julio and Tyreek the Cobbs will be a force if they can grab a playoff spot. 

6. Puff Puff Pass (5-5)

Coach Puff led his team to a league high 69 points last week but was till not happy "There are still concerns with our running backs. All 3 on byes this week but we are confident we can pick up wins over the next 2 weeks setting up a must win against the FireChefs in week 13" he said referencing his upcoming games against the Deadbeats and Footlongs before finishing by saying "Never ever have 2 RB's from the Jets. Thats my biggest takeaway from this season". 

7. Keckism Killers (5-5)

The Killers have a large advantage over the Puffs and Cobbs in total points but they face a tough matchup this week against the RED HOT Monkeys. "I don't really have much to say" Despondent coach Boo said "Historically speaking the Monkeys are a better program than us. More wins, more playoff appearances, more playoff wins. They are what we aspire to be". If the Killers can somehow manage to knock off the Monkeys they can coast into a playoff spot by winning their last 2 games against the KKK and Deadbeats. 

8. Zipper Destroyers (5-5)

Locked into a similar scenario as the Killers is the Zipper Destroyers. They have plenty of points but have to finish the season against the Touchdowns and FireChefs without Star RB Zeke McZeke. "He is working with the zippers legal team to get his suspension down to 4 games. We expect he will suit up for week 14" Zippers GM Scooby Doo opined hopefully. Soon after that statement the courts ruled that the entire 6 game suspension is being upheld much to the chagrin of Scooby Doo. "Whatever" He said "Black Jordy will carry the load. We are deep and do not depend on any one player"

9. The FireChefs (5-5)

Lurking on the outside of the Playoff picture with no gimmes left on their schedule the FireChefs have been demoralized after their Coach Juice VanHeche was caught on a hot mike saying "My team fucking sucks". It seems like the only thing they have left to look forward to is spoiling a playoff spot for one of the teams above. 

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-7)

Keane is to cool for Groupme now that he has a GF and doesn't actually read this so I'm not going to bother giving my opinion on his shitty ass team. 

11. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-8)

The Footlongs put a scare in the Ditkas last week when they put up 86 Points. Look for them to sneak up and win at least 1 of their next 3 games. 

12. Deadbeat Darryls (2-8)

You should bring Chuck to Friendsgiving.  

Week 10 Power Rankings

Ben Keck
140 Miles East of God's Country

Week 10 Power Rankings

1. Raytown 3/5rs (7-2)

“It wasn’t pretty but we took care of business and got the W against the hapless Footlongs” head ball coach Lady said. This week should be a little tougher as they face off with the Firechefs in what some people are calling “The Rumble on 75^th St”. With Kareem Hunt on bye Lady is looking for some big production from a recently healthy Rob Kelley saying “We feel good about him in there. He is now healthy and the clear #1 in Washington, his 2 TD’s last week showed that he is a talented player”. The 3/5rs have all but locked up a playoff spot and are now gunning for the #1 overall seed.

2. Keckism Killers (5-4)

The Killers led the KSFBFFL in points last week and seem to have found their stride after a couple midseason struggles. With the best RB threesome in the league the Killers main problem has been staying focused and beating the teams they should beat (Losses to KKK/Deadbeats) but GM Jason “Aces” Stanley is not worried. “Our guys are ready to make the push and expect to be drinking champagne out of The Martin in Late December” He remarked. “I like the way the playoffs are shaping up and we know the only team that can beat us is ourselves”

3. The Huge Ditkas (5-4)

Chicagoland is buzzing about the Ditkas after they topped 100 points each of the last 2 weeks and Coach Settles thinks they have reason to be excited “Key players such as Alshon and Kamara are hitting on all cylinders right now. Look for us to be even more commanding vs the struggling footlongs in the next game” he said. The Ditkas also welcome back RB Louise Fournette after his one game suspension for missing a team picture.

4. Porch Monkeys (7-2)

If the season ended now the Monkeys would be the 2 seed but the loss of Deshaun Watson is weighing heavy in the locker room. GM Pearcey Poo Wilson thinks that Matty Ice can fill the void left by Deshaun “The pressure is back on Matty Ice, this was his team before and its his team again. We are going to sink or swim based on how he can handle the pressure”. The Monkeys should make the playoffs but face an incredibly hard end to the season with the Cobbs/Killers/3/5rs and Ditkas all coming up.

5. Slobb on My Cobb (5-4)

The Cobbs are hanging on to the final playoff spot by a thread thanks to an ugly 60-47 win over the Touchdowns. “We got lucky this week. Will need better effort next week against the Monkeys” Newly minted Eudora resident Tristan Trupka remarked. The Cobbs running back core has been terrible this year so its going to be on Tyreek, Julio and Dak to lead this team to the playoffs.

6. The Firechefs (5-4)

On the outside of the playoff picture looking in the Firechefs know that time is running out “Our players are aware of the urgency of the playoff situation and know they need to play their hearts out in order to give our fans a playoff birth” Coach Van Kueser said. “At this point we just have to utilize the players we have and play at the best of our ability”. Unfortunately for the Firechefs their players don’t have much ability as they have not scored 100 points during any game this year.

7. Puff Puff Pass (4-5)

GM Puff Meyers was noticeably upset after his loss to the Monkeys last week “We let one slip through our fingers, nobody to blame but the GM” He said “Poor handling of the lineup left a lot of points on the bench. Back to the drawing board for a strong finish to the season”. Luckily for the Puff’s they have what some consider the easiest remaining schedule left with games against the KKK/Deadbeats/Footlongs before finishing the year with the Firechefs. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Puffs end the year at 7-6 with a shot at the playoffs.

8. Zipper Destroyers (4-5)

Despite all his wheeling and dealing at the deadline the Destroyers lost again last week and have been dealing with a lot of drama lately due to AJ and Zeke. “It certainly doesn’t help. AJ is a veteran and leader on this team and we expect more out of him. That ejection was the difference in our game. Doug Baldwin called for a players only meeting this morning to press the urgency that we need to win out” Coach Murphy remarked. The Destroyers have 2 gimmes coming up against the footlongs and deadbeats before taking on the Firechefs and Touchdowns to end the season.

9. I Touchdown There (5-4)

What has gone wrong in the big D?!? After a 5-1 start the Touchdowns have dropped 3 straight and looked dead in the water last week putting up a measley 47 points in a loss to the Cobbs. If that is not bad enough the Touchdown’s next 3 games are against the top 3 teams in the power rankings. Coach Brungy didn’t seem fazed though “We always beat the 3/5rs so that’s one win, all we have to do is pickup another W against the killers/ditkas/destroyers and we are in the playoffs”.

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-6)

The Krew are still fighting and are actually 3-2 over their last 5 games. Look for them to knock off at least one more team before the year is over.

11. Deadbeat Darryls (2-7)

The Darryls have no paid and are free to change their name to whatever they like.

12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-7)

Is it time for a rebranding to get the stench off after this terrible year?

Week 9 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
#FireBillSnyder

KSFBFFL WEEK 9 POWER RANKINGS

But first a quick summary of the trade deadline and who won each trade as graded by the Media.



Zipper Destroyers have lost their 5th(Cobbs) and 6th(3/5rs) round draft picks in 2018 by betting on the winner of his matchup against those teams. - Matt just lost his mind here. 

The Footlongs have acquired The Monkeys 2nd round pick in 2018 for Mike Gillislee, Chris Thompson and their 6th round pick in 2018.  - McKinney got trade raped 

Footlongs acquire 3/5rs 5th round pick for Brandon cooks and Greg Zuerlein. - Push but slight edge to Stevie

Deadbeats acquire Touchdowns 6th round pick for LeSean McCoy - Touchdowns pulled off a coup here. 

KKK get Killers 5th for Gordon and Fitzgerald. Killers get KKK's 16th - Killers came out on top. 

monkeys trade their 6th and gillislee to KKK for Ingram and KKK's 9th round pick - Ingram has played well but the only reason you made this trade is because you botched the first one so bad. W T F 

KKK trade Jordan Reed to Ditkas for an 8th round pick - Meh, who cares

zippers trade 3rd and 7th for Brees Howard and Graham, get Puffs 12th. - Puffs are still in the hunt and gained 2 high picks next year. Advantage Puffs. 

3/5rs trade their 8th round pick to and Orleans DArkwa to the Deadbeats for LeGarret Blount. - Well now that the Eagles traded for Jay Ajai Legarret Blount is worthless, advantage deadbeats. 


1. Dixieland 3/5rs - (6-2)

Best record in the league. Cutest Coach in the league. Highest point total in the league. Smartest GM in the league. What doesn't this team have?

2. PV Monkeys - (6-2)

Did you know that Pearce stole his team name from the late Harrison Poole? Its true. Look at the standing for the KSFBFFL inaugural season and you will notice that Pearce is not the First Porch Monkeys to play in this league. 

3. Keckism Killers (4-4)

The Killers topped 100 points last week for the first time since week 3. Best backfield in the league. 

4. Zipper Destroyers (4-4)

Always active at the deadline Matt Murphy has pulled off another smattering of deals this year. He better accomplish what he has never accomplished (Win a title) because he only has 3 picks in the first 7 rounds next year. 

5. I touchdown there (5-3) 

A 2 game skid has Coach Brungy sniffing glue again. 

6. The Firechefs (5-3)

They don't deserve to be 5-3 but here they are. GM Justin Van Hecke commented on his lack of moves at the deadline by saying "Plastic surgery doesn't help when your a 4'9 300lb wench"

7. The Huge Ditkas (4-4)

The Ditkas are in the midst of cupcake city. After beating the KKK last week they now play the Deadbeats and then the Footlongs. 

8. Puff Puff Pass (4-4)

The Puffs CRUSHED the Touchdowns last week to keep their season alive. They have another HUGE matchup this week against their archrival, The Monkeys. 

9. Slobb on my Cobb (4-4)

The cobbs are circling the drain out in Falcon Ridge. If the Touchdowns bother to show up this week it could end the Cobbs season for good. 

10. Who Cares

11. Who Cares

12. Deadbeat Darryls (2-5)

PAY YOUR FUCKING DUES.