Killers Dream Season Comes Crashing Down

Killers Dream Season Comes Crashing Down

Ben Ji

140 Miles East of Gods Country

   Tanners Bar in Grille in Waldo was the setting for what some had been calling "The Game of the Century". Shadows bouncing off the brick walls, back lit by the glow of flat screen TV's and neon beer signs told the story of  last years runner up, the PV Monkeys, taking on the Keckism Killers. The PV  Monkeys had made the finals last year before losing a heart breaker to the Firechefs. The Killers were a rip roaring buzz saw of a team that had dominated the K-State's Finest Bro's Fantasy Football League in 2014 by winning their last 11 consecutive games. Last week on a bye the Killers had scored 169 points! Conventional wisdom held that the PV Monkeys would hang around for a bit but the Keckism Killers had to much talent too be denied a shot at the Martin. 

Rival GM's and Roommates pose for a pictur        

     19 Minutes into Sundays games everything had changed. The Monkeys had jumped out to a quick 18-7 lead setting off alarms in the Killers Locker room. Things got worse as an early touchdown by the Monkeys Mike Evans set them up with a commanding 25-7 lead that led GM Pearce McKinney to get a little lippy with his opponent across the table. Killers GM Jason Stanley would not back down from a barking match and loudly celebrated a 15 yard rush by the normally flat footed Aaron Rodgers. A Pick Six by Monkeys QB Matt Ryan brings another ouburst of enthusiasm from the Killers Bench. 

    The early turning point came at 12:57 when Matt Ryan took a vicious hit from a Steelers Defender. Ryan took a shot to the chin followed by the back of his head slamming into the ground causing a clear case of the Sketti Brains. The Killers Bench exploded in celebration, if Monkeys QB Matt Ryan was out for the day this game could be over! Monkeys GM Pearce McKinney stepped out of the owners box to check on his star QB. Whatever McKinney said worked as on the next play Matt Ryan showed his balls were made of stone when he threw a perfect strike in the end zone to put the Monkeys up 34-12. QB Matt Ryan ended the day with 20 points, 15 more than Killers Stud QB Aaron Rodgers managed to put up. 

Killers GM Jason Stanley watches his season end. 

        With halftime of the noon games upon us things were looking bleak for the Killers. They were down 42-16 and questions were swirling about why GM Jason Stanley had kept drug addict Josh Gordon in the lineup over WR Mike Wallace who was on pace for a 16 point game. Did Stanley not realize the Browns were starting rookie QB Johnny Football? What about his decision to keep the Patriots Defense and their 20 points on the bench? At halftime Stanley predicted "We will not go quietly into the night, we will score 100 points" but his body language showed a man who was already beaten although he claimed "We will regroup in the locker room and get within 15 when the noon games end. 

          Monkeys GM Pearce McKinney seemed a little more upbeat saying " Our stars haven't found the end zone yet and we are up 26. If any of them can get some scores it could get ugly quick.

         The Killers would not go down easy though as a late Gronkowski TD made it a 54-33 game....but when Jordy Nelson dropped an easy 60 yard TD by Aaron Rodgers Killers GM Jason Stanley was quoted as saying "There is a higher power that doesn't want us to win"

Tucker and McKinney Will face off for the martin next week.  

        By the end of the 3pm games the Killers were down 19 points and needed Demarco Murray to outscore Jimmy Graham by 20 points. As Stanley said "We're living on a prayer". Murray did his part putting up a gutsy 20 point performance on 31 rushes to give the Killers a brief 1 point lead. But it wasn't meant to be for the Killers as Jimmy Graham put the game away with a quick 10 yard reception in the first quarter of Monday Night Football. 

      The Killers dream season was over at 8pm central time, another season filled with promise ended prematurely. But with every rain shower comes a rainbow, and this year's rainbow is the Monkeys who have knocked off the favorite and will face the Cobb's next week with the Martin on the line. Monkeys GM Pearce McKinney was there last year but came up short, this year he plans on popping the cherry saying "Winning the Martin is something I can't really describe as I haven't done it yet. If I were to pop my cherry this year, well it would be VERY NICE"

       

Trade Summary

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Trade Summary

Deals


Firechef's trade Demarious Thomas to the Raw Dawgs for a 3rd round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Terrance Williams to the Lucky Tate's for a 4th round pick.

Polygamy Pounders trade Eddie Lacy to the Dixieland 3/5rs for a 8th round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Cam Newton and Brandon Marshall to the Taints for a 3rd round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Eddie Lacy to the Touchdowns for a 4th round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Calvin Johnson to the Raw Dawgs for a 4th round pick. 

Polygamy Pounders trade AJ Green to the Keckism Killers for a 6th round pick. 

Polygamy Pounders trade Kevlin Benjamin and Arian Foster to the PV Monkeys for a 4th round pick. 



Summary


Firchefs - Raw Dawgs 3rd round pick. 

Dixieland 3/5rs - Tate's 4th round, Taints 3rd round, Touchdowns 4th round, Dawgs 4th round picks. Will not have an 8th round pick. 

Polygamy Pounders -  Killers 6th round pick, 3/5rs 8th round pick, Monkeys 4th round pick. 

Raw Dawgs - Will not have a pick in rounds 3 and 4. 

Tates - Will not have a 4th round pick

Killers - Will not have a 6th round pick. 

Monkeys - Will not have a 4th round pick. 

Taints - Will not have a 3rd round pick. 

2014 KSFBFFL Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

THIS IS WHERE CHAMPIONS ARE MADE

TOT #1 Keckism Killers - *BYE* - Quick Box Score	TOT TBD - TBD - Quick Box Score	TOT TBD - TBD - Quick Box Score
TOT #5 50 Shades of Taint 0 #4 Porch Monkeys 0 Quick Box Score | Preview
TOT #6 Slob on my Cobb 0 #3 Raw Dawg 0 Quick Box Score | Preview	TOT TBD - TBD - Quick Box Score
TOT #2 My Lucky Tate - *BYE* - Quick Box Score

Favorites

1. Keckism Killers

Record- 11-2
Points Scored- 1448
Highest Point Total- 138 In week 8 and week 12
Streak- W10
Career Playoff Record- 1-2

The Killers are riding a 10 game win streak and have put group home member Justin VanHeche on notice that they intend to spend winter with The Martin. With over 200 more points scored then the next highest team the Killers should the the hands down favorite, but questions remain about GM Jason Stanley's ability to win the league.

We reached a couple of GM's who requested anonymity due to potential domestic issues, here is what they had to say. "Stans? Winning it all? This guy was a founding member of the league and he's only won 1 playoff game. Thats all you need to know"  "I'd have more faith in him winning it all if he did something other than shit the bed every year in the Fantasy Baseball Playoffs"

When reached for comment GM Jason Stanley was not concerned saying "With this football team, we feel good about our matchups. We will be rooting against the dawgs on the other side of the bracket though because honestly I'm scared shitless of playing them."

3. Raw Dawgs

Record- 8-5
Points Scored- 1244
Highest Point Total- 123 in week 13
Streak- W1
Career Playoff Record- 2-3

At one point the Dawgs were 2-5 and wondering what they had to do in order to win a game. GM Matt Murphy had an idea, he mortgaged his future to acquire Demarious Thomas and Calvin Johnson. Since acquiring those Studs the Dawgs have been undefeated and seem to be hitting their stride at the right time scoring 122 and 123 points in the last 2 weeks. "Our Dawgs leave it all out on the field. Demarious and Calvin have been key acquisitions. Someone different steps up every week which attests to the diverse corp of talent we have." Says GM Matt Murphy.

If the Dawgs can win the KSFBFFL title this year GM Matt Murphy will join GM's Ben Keck and Sven Murphy in 2maw glory as he has already won the Baseball Title this year.

GM Murphy doesn't want to hear anything about that quite yet though "Comparing myself to those 2 all time greats wouldn't be appropriate yet. We are going to take it game by game and see where we are at the end"

Contenders-

2. My Lucky Tate

Record- 8-5
Points Scored- 1129
Highest Point Total- 127 in week 4
Win Streak- W1
Career Playoff Record- 0-0

Despite this being their first playoff appearance alot of pundits have selected the Lucky Tate's as a dark horse candidate to take home The Martin. GM Casey Wayne Walker rolled the dice on draft day taking Andrew Luck and has rode his Stallion to a first round bye. With RB Ahmad Bradshaw out he expects big things from his backup, recently acquired Daniel Herring


4. PV Porch Monkeys

Record-8-5
Points Scored- 1208
Highest Point Total- 132 in week 8
Win Streak- L1
Career Playoff Record- 2-1

The PV Porch Monkeys turned the after burners on in their first playoff appearance last year making it all the way to the championship game before falling to the FireChefs (Undoubtedly the GOAT). The Monkeys are hungry for another chance at glory but ended up on the wrong side of the bracket.

GM Pearce McKinney says "We have had the score of last years championship game in our weight room all year. It's time to take back what is ours! It will be a tough road and we have our work cut out for us" Having to face the Savvy Taints in week 1 and if they win the Killers in Week 2 is certainly a challenge for the Monkeys in only their second playoff appearance.

5. 50 Shades of Taint

Record- 7-6
Points Scored- 1132
Highest Point Total- 124 in week 10
Win Streak- L1
Career Playoff Record- 4-4, One Championship(2012)

As the only team with Championship experience the Taints cant be taken lightly. Unfortunately for them they will have a tough road to hoe as they take on Hungry Porch Monkeys in the first round. GM Sven Murphy plans to "Treat this game like every other game on our schedule. Our youngsters have been there, yes, and I think they have the poise and focus to dominate"


If they somehow get past the Monkeys they will have to knock off a well rested Goliath in second round. GM Sven Murphy doesn't see that as a challenge "Honestly, if we can get past the Monkeys in the First Round I don't see anything stopping us from a second championship. The Killers are led by Marty Schottenhiemer and we expect to face Andy Reid and the Lucky Tates in the title game, Cmon bro, we got this"

Gimme's 

6. Slobb on my Cobb

Record- 7-6
Points Scored- 1075
Highest Point Total- 99 in week 1
Win Streak- L2
Career Playoff Record-0-0

If there is one team that does not belong in the playoffs this year its the Cobbs from KCMO. Despite never scoring more than 100 points in a game and losing their last 2 games they somehow snuck in the backdoor. GM Tristan Trupka had this to say "The back door eh? You know I'm dam good at sneaking in the back door, in fact I plan to backdoor my way all the way to the title"






Stay tuned as later in the week we poll the experts and put out a special playoff prediction edition here at BWKNONBLOGNEWSCORP.COM

HOT STOVE Week 8 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

THE STOVE IS HOT and Week 8 Power Rankings

Wow! With the trade deadline less than 1 week away the KSFBFFL has been seen more deals than your local Wally World.

Completed Trades 

Firechef's trade Demarious Thomas to the Raw Dawgs for a 3rd round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Terrance Williams to the Lucky Tate's for a 4th round pick.

Polygamy Pounders trade Eddie Lacy to the Dixieland 3/5rs for a 8th round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Cam Newton and Brandon Marshall to the Taints for a 3rd round pick.

Dixieland 3/5rs trade Eddie Lacy to the Touchdowns for a 4th round pick.


Now lets take a look at what teams we see as "Buyers"

Buyers

PV Porch Monkeys- The PV Porch Monkey's biggest need is at the RB position where they have been devastated by the loss of CJ Spiller. Things are so bad the Monkeys may be forced to start Isiah Cromwell and Bobby Rainey next week....GM Pearce Mckinney was quoted as saying "We think the league is down this year(Stanley is in first, LOL) and the opportunity to return to the championship game could be a move away. That move will be the acquisition of a RB and we are in conversations with multiple GM's."

50 Shades of Taint-The Taints have already executed a Blockbuster this year sending their 3rd round pick to the 3/5rs in exchange for Tony Romo and Cam Newton. This team is still hungry and has expressed interest in acquiring a #1 running back to pair with Ronnie Hillman and Ben Tate...is a deal for Arian Foster in the works?

Keckism Killers- The Killers are the favorites to take home the title this year but don't expect GM Jason "Tum Tum" Stanley to sit on his hands. Speculation is the Killers are looking for a WR to keep a spot warm until Josh Gordon returns.

Lucky Tate's- With the acquisition of Terrance Williams earlier in the Year the Tate's have a squad that should be able to reach the playoffs. If they want to make any noise when they get in the playoffs they could use a top flight WR/RB to play in the flex position.

Raw Dawgs- WHAT? Shocking I know but the 2-5 Dawgs aren't ready to give up telling BWKNBNC "Trades? The phones have been ringing off the hook with offers to send us draft picks. We are still buyers at this point". GM Matt Murphy EXPECTS to acquire a top flight RB before the deadline hits. Will RB Eddie Lacy be traded for a 3rd time this year?!?

Slob on My Cobb- The Cobb's have quietly been having a solid year since their move to Missourah. Look for GM Tristy Trupka to work the phones in an attempt to land a top flight TE for his playoff push. Could the PV Porch Monkeys deal Jimmy Grahm for Marshawn Lynch?!?


Sellers 

Polygamy Pounders- While some GM's were snickering at the Pounders for dealing Eddie Lacy for a 8th round pick, Pounders GM Keane Cheese was ambivalent saying "Its a fire sale, things go for fire sale prices". The Pounders still have a couple pieces to move so it will be no surprise if Arian Foster/AJ Green/Andre Johnson all have a new home by this time next week.

Dixieland 3/5rs- The 3/5rs have been the most active team in the league so far and have compiled an impressive 7 picks in the first 4 rounds of next years draft. The team is still fielding offers but remains adamant that WR Calvin Johnson will go for no less than a 3rd round pick saying "We traded some pieces away but we still have an outside shot at the playoffs, its in our fans best interest not to fully abandon the season"

FireChefs - Last years champion started the dealing early this season when they sent Demarious Thomas to live at the Dawg Pound. Despite their victory last week they remain committed to the rebuilding process. Unfortunately this team lacks any real stars and can only expect to receive some mid round draft picks for QB Drew Bree's or RB's Bishop Sankey/Brandon Oliver/Shane Vereen.



POWER RANKINGS

1. Keckism Killers(5-2)

Cream of the crop. The Killers just keep on Killing anyone dumb enough to step on the field. Up next is the West Canaan Coyotes.

2. My Lucky Tate's (4-3)

The Tates plan to ride RB's Jamaal Charles and Ahmad Bradshaw to a deep playoff run.

3. 50 Shades of Taint (4-3)

The Taints have rocketed up the rankings this week after acquiring Cam Newton and Brandon Marshall. Keep an eye on this team as they look for their 2nd championship.

4. PV Porch Monkeys (4-3)

The Monkeys are in desperate need of a RB, hell they need 2 RB's if they want to keep their momentum going.

5. West Canaan Coyotes (4-3)

A big matchup this week with the Keckism Killers. Could this be a title game preview?

6. I Touchdown There (4-3)

The recent trade for Eddie Lacy has given this team a new outlook on the season. Could GM Mike Gomez really trade him again?!?

7. Slobb On my Cobb (4-3)

The Cobbs havent made any moves yet preferring to keep their roster intact.

8. Raw Dawgs (2-5)

The Dawgs are hungry and could make some rash moves in an attempt to win now. It wouldnt suprise me to see GM Matt Murphy trade away ALL of next years picks.

9. Dixieland 3/5rs (3-4)

While the team has dealt some key pieces they feel they have enough to remain dangerous and hopefully sneak into the 6th playoff spot.

10. Puff Puff Pass (3-4)

The Puffs started RB LeSean McCoy last week. The eagles had a bye....that should tell you all you need to know.

11. Polygamy Pounders (3-4)

The once proud pounders are floundering in a sea of 3.2 beer and tears, sweet salty tears.

12. The FireChef's (2-5)

Despite getting the W last week GM Justin VanHeche is committed to rebuilding saying "BURN IT DOWN"

Week 7 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

Week 7 KSFBFFL Power Rankings

The fighting Tum Tum's check in at the top spot this week! GM Jason Stanley lacks a championship pedigree but seems to be pulling all the right strings this year. The Keckism Killers lead the league in points scored averaging 105 points a game. While not as impressive as the 115 PPG the Firechefs put up last year the Killers are certainly on a championship track.

We caught up with GM Jason "Tum Tum" Stanley and asked him a couple of questions.

How does this team stack up to all the others you have coached?

We feel like this is a team of destiny and certainly the best team our organization has seen in a number of years. We really don't have any big holes are clicking as a unit right now.  

Stud RB Demarco Murray is listed as questionable this week. Any concerns about his durability?

We are not concerned about Demarco. The initial tests just came back and he was "Negative" for Ebola, he will be ready to go. 

Will you play Josh Gordon in week 12 or impose any additional suspension?

We will handle the Josh Gordon situation internally, no comment. 

It's Rivalry week for the Killers as they take on the 3/5rs. You currently have a 3-2 record against the GM Ben Keck including dominating victories the past 2 years. Do you treat this as "Just another game" or does it mean more to beat a 2 time champion?

We are going to treat it like any other game. The rivalry has lost some luster lately with the problems the organization on 75th street has been having. We think they will give it their best shot this week but they don't stand a chance. 


Thanks to GM Tum Tum Stanley for stopping by the office.

Now its time to get down to the nitty gritty. There has been very little seperation in the league so far this year. 11 out of the 12 teams are within 1 game of .500 with the only team out of contention being led by last years champion Justin VanHeche.



1. Keckism Killers (4-2)

GM Tum Tum Stanley has this team rolling as they have scored 100+ points in each of the last 4 weeks. RB Demarco Murray is having a breakout year but questions remain about his ability to last an entire season. The loss of WR Victor Cruz to a torn Patella tendon should be tempered when all pro Josh Gordon comes back from suspension in 4 weeks.

2. West Caanan Coyotes (4-2)

The Coyotes keep right on rolling with a 98-69 victory over Puff Puff Pass. RB Matt Forte had a breakout game scoring 27 points. This team is loaded at every position except quarterback. GM Harripants Poole cant really expect to win a title with Ben Rapelistberger or Tom Brady at QB....Can he?

3. PV Porch Monkeys (4-2)

Last week's victory over the Tate's was never really in doubt after WR T.I. Hilton escaped from prison and put up 28 points on Thursday night. This team keeps on winning but face alot of question marks at the RB Position. RB's Doug Martin and CJ Spiller put up a combined 3 points last week. Both RB's were high draft picks whose lack of production could sink the Porch Monkeys season.

4. 50 Shades of Taint

As perennial contenders its no surprise to see the Taints this high in the rankings. Despite a sub-par performance last week(78 Points) the Taints were able to pull out a victory over their arch rivals the Firechefs. With Ben Tate back from injury and Ronnie Hillman taking over the starting job in Denver this team once again has a chance to make some noise in the playoffs. The only question is whether QB Nick Foles is the man to lead them there.

5. My Lucky Taints (3-3)

The Taints couldn't pull out the W last week but the team GM Casey Wayne Walker has put together looks like it could go off any week. RB Ahmad Bradshaw has been having a stellar year and RB Jamaal Charles looks to put up big numbers this week after resting during the bye week. They face a desperate Raw Dawg team this week and need production from newly acquired WR Terrance Williams.

6. Slob On My Cobb (3-3)

It was a rough outing for the Cobb's last week as they ran into the buzzsaw that is the Keckism Killers. RB Marshawn Lynch and Andre Ellington let the team down scoring a combined 11 points. GM Tristy Trupka responded by ordering both men to "Turn around and touch your toes"

7. Dixieland 3/5rs (3-3)

Is this team an enigma or what? They have scored 90+ points in 4 weeks but also have 2 sub 50 point games sprinkled in. Last week was a good week as they led the league with 121 points. QB Cam Newton finally came through scoring 33 points. His WR's didnt let him down as Brandon Marshall/Steve Smith/Jordan Cameron scored a combined 44 points. This teams weakness is at the RB position and only got worse with RB Darren Sproles partially tearing his MCL. Look for GM Ben Keck to work the phones in an attempt to add some depth.

8. Puff Puff Pass (3-3)

The Puff's have averaged 85 points per game and made it to the final 4 last year but I'm still not sold on their ability to do it this year. Maybe its the fact that their leading scorer last week was their kicker and they just lost RB Stephen Ridley to the injury bug for the rest of the year?

9. Raw Dawgs (2-4) 

The Dawgs won a crucial game last week as Peyton Manning and Demarius Thomas combined for 39 points against the slumping touchdowns. GM Matthew Murphy knows they have very little room for error next week against the Tate's saying "Every week is now do or die. We don't plan to lose, Jack. We're buyers right now"


10. I touchdown There (3-3)

Deja Vu all over again. After a hot start the Touchdowns are slumping scoring in the low 60's the past 2 weeks. The Touchdowns may start packing their bags if they lose against the Taints this week.

11. Polygamy Pounders (2-4) 

Is time finally catching up to the Pounders? Cracks are starting to show in the facade that is GM Keane Horner. Some folks have called him "The Wonder Boy"for his constant success in both Baseball and Football but last weeks loss to the 3/5rs have some questioning that title. We reached out to GM Keane Horner and asked him if they could salvage the season "We are as committed to winning this year as the Missouri Tigers are to the Big 12" Expect a fire sale soon folks.

12. FireChefs (1-5)

Predictions of a Firechefs Fire Sale have been floated for weeks now but so far GM Juice VanKueser has yet to make a move. We asked him about his plans "The problem is that other than Drew Bree's my team is a dumpster fire. We have heard from several teams about Drew and I believe we will get a deal done before the deadline".


Trade Deadline is Tuesday October 28th. Stay tuned next week when we break down the Hot Stove Rumors and take a look at which teams will be buyers and which teams will be sellers. 

Week 2 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 East of Gods Country

Week 2 KSFBFFL Power Rankings

This weeks top spot belongs to the West Canaan Coyotes led by reclusive owner Sir Harrison W Poole. This picture, taken on the French Riviera (Ozarks) in 2006, is the last known sighting of Sir Poole. There are many rumors about his current whereabouts including leaving to fight ISIS as a one man wrecking ball, in hiding due to his chronic masturbatory syndrome or possibly just living a normal post-grad life in Prairie Village. One thing is for sure, the Coyotes are the team to beat in 2014.

Here at BWKNonBlogNewsCorp we make it a point to cover every story in depth so we reached out to Sir Harrison W Poole's secretary and were granted a brief interview with the man, the myth, the legend.

Are you surprised by your teams success so far this year?

In West Canaan, Football is a way of life - We always expect good results. 

I noticed that Ray Rice is still on your ball club, are you making a statement that you support beating women?

We will refrain from commenting on the Ray Rice situation, the league has our full support.

Julian Thomas has been a complete stud this year. How were you able to acquire him AND a second round pick for Marshawn Lynch last year?

Julius Thomas was a great acquisition last year. It takes a keen eye to recognize talent at an early point in a players career - Some organizations have it and some obviously do not.

Any predictions on how this year turns out?

I'm not one to make bold declarations but let me tell you this. We have the most talent we've had since Tweeter/Billy Bob/Wendell and Mox graced the sidelines back in 99. 



1. West Canaan Coyotes (2-0)

After week 2 the Coyotes are the only undefeated team left thanks to herculean performances by Jordy Nelson(26 Points) and Giovani Bernard (22 Points). Their trade of Marshawn Lynch last season keeps paying dividends as Julio Thomas caught another touchdown pass last week.

2. Raw Dawg (1-1)

The Dawgs put up 100 points last week but ended up with an L after the usually solid Seahawks DST scored -3 points. Antonio Gates had a breakout game scoring 27 point while Chris Johnson had another sub-par performance putting up a measly 2 points. Look for the dawgs to rebound next week against Puff Puff Pass.

3. Dixieland 3/5rs (1-1)

The 3/5rs were sweating out their match up against the defending champion Firechefs until late Sunday night when Brandon Marshall caught his third TD. RB Darren Sproles looks to be the steal of the draft (7th Round) as he currently leads all RB's in points. GM Ben Keck has decided to take a vacation to Gods Country instead of prep for next weeks game saying "Come on, we're playing Wayne, Lady could set my lineup from the waiver wire and we would still win"

4. PV Porch Monkeys (1-1)

The Porch Monkeys have rocketed up the rankings this week after scoring 107 in a upset of the Dawgs. The PM's could of scored even more but opted to leave Phillis Rivers 24 points on the bench after taking advice from a GM without much success(Jason Stanley). The monkeys are still waiting for some production from #14 overall pick Doug Martin and may be looking to acquire a running back to start some competition.

5. Keckism Killers (1-1)

Speaking of Jason Stanley the Killers check in at #5 this week after a respectable showing in week two. The Killers are hoping to stay in the hunt long enough to get Josh Gordon back in week 11....to make it that far they will need to find a better flex option as Marquise ColdStoneCreamery scored 0 points last week.

6. Slob On My Cobb (1-1)

The Cobb's didn't play bad last week but could of used Kniles Davis's 21 points to get the W. With Jamaal Charlie out for at least a couple of weeks the Cobbs are looking to ride the hot, black and sweaty, back of Kniles Davis for a couple of weeks. (CO-GM Jenny Trupka just fainted)

7. Puff Puff Pass (1-1)

The Pass's rebounded from a week one loss by bukakking the Keckism Killers with a solid performance by the entire team. 5 different players scored in double digits including Darren Sproles Backup, LeSean McCoy, who put up 15 points in garbage time work. They have a tough matchup next week against but dawgs but feel they are up to it saying "Maple syrup man! These Canucks can't get enough of it!"

8. Polygamy Pounders (1-1)

The Pounders aren't back to their normal championship form yet (Possibly due to the above 3.2 beer Cheese's parents smuggled into Utah) but they were able to squeak a win out over the Taints last week despite an injury to starting QB Roberto Griffinte. The pounders will need Colin Kapernick to step up if they want to keep this mini win streak going.

9. 50 Shades of Taint (1-1) 

The taints lost in heart wrenching fashion last week but some analysts are saying its god's way of punishing them for Harboring Child Abusing Pieces of Shit on their Roster. The Taints have no choice but to accept and coddle Adrian Peterson, who was recently arrested on a felony warrant for child abuse, now that Ben Tate and Mark Ingram are injured. When reached for a comment GM Sven Murphy simply said "I don't care how many Children he beats, just get in the dam endzone every sunday. Just win baby."

10. I Touchdown There (1-1)

Well lookie here...one week after scoring 120 Points to take down the 3/5rs the Touchdowns can only muster a lousy 55 points in a loss to the dreadful Tates. Eat a dick brungy.

11. My Lucky Tate (1-1) 

Despite winning the cripple fight against the Touchdowns last week the Tate's are still a god awful football team. With Jamaal Charles hitting the IR about as much as Adrian Peterson hits his child this could be another long year at lake lottawana.

12. FireChefs (0-2)

From First to Worst? GM Juice VanHeche don't care, telling the haters "Talk to me when you win a title". Recent news coming out of the group home on 73rd Ter is that the FireChefs could be in fire sale mode by week 5.

2014 Week 1 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Power Rankings

Look at this Smug Sack of Shit. Despite selecting STEVEN JACKSON as his keeper he knew he would have no problem in his week one match up against the Dixieland 3/5rs. In the Three years since he has joined the league The Touchdowns have come out swinging on week one scoring 102, 120 and 114 points, all victories over the Dixieland 3/5rs.

We reached out to Douchebag Micheal to ask him a couple of questions.

What do you attribute your success in week one to?

"I attribute our early success to our preparation in the off season and hard work during training camp. We made a couple moves in the draft that allowed us to better leverage our strengths and as you can see its working out well for us so far"

Was there any household Pressure to select Steven Jackson as your keeper? Some sources have reported links between Shannon Brundgart and Steven Jackson as a possible reason for the bizarre keeper selection.

"There was no pressure from the Boss to keep Jackson, those rumors are untrue and have no basis in reality. We think he still has alot of positives that he can contribute to our team and we are excited to see him on the field next week."

The Touchdowns looked like world beaters last week, how do you think they will fair this season?

The sky is the limit this year. We really think that after feeling out the league for the first couple of seasons and making the playoffs one of those years we are ready to take home the hardware. Its a long season though.....Staying healthy is a big part of success so talk to me again in 12 weeks and we will see. Just have to keep sawing wood. Speaking of wood I gotta run, the boss woman is ovulating and needs some attention if you know what I mean (Winks and walks away)"



1. I Touchdown There (1-0)

Scoring a KSFBFFL high 115 points in week one puts the touchdowns at the top spot in the inaugural power rankings. The Touchdowns have a formidable threesome in QB Matt Ryan/RB LeVon Bell/TE Vernon Davis that should keep them in most games. If the touchdowns want to hold on to the top spot throughout the season they will need some more production from Fred Jackson and Larry Fitzgerald.

2. West Canaan Coyotes (1-0)

The Coyotes owner Harrison Poole traded the farm last season and appears to be reaping the benefits. In a sport that puts emphasis on productive RB's no one in the KSFBFFL can match this teams depth at Running back(Matt Forte/Reggie Bush/Giovani Bernard/Knowshon Moreno). A top end QB may be the only thing holding this team back from a championship, look for one of these backs to be dealt by mid season. We reached out to GM Harrison Poole who told us "Anything can happen".

3. Raw Dawgs (1-0)

Locking up the 3 spot this week are the Dawgs who thoroughly dismantled the storied Polygamy Pounders in week one. The Dawgs are led by a pair of Mile High Studs(Manning/Ball) and a solid cast of surrounding characters.

4. Slobb on my Cobb (1-0)

The Cobbs are another team that has benefited from the new rules allowing draft picks to be traded as they crushed the Lucky Tate's last week. Matthew Stafford and Marshawn Lynch (Combined 53 points) may be the best QB/RB combo in the league. If the Cobbs can get solid production from Andre Ellington/Torrey Smith/Alshon Jeffery this season could be special. GM Tristan Trupka already has a planned for increased production from those three saying simply "Lashings".

5. Dixieland 3/5r's (0-1)

Despite scoring 95 points last week the 3/5rs were once again crushed in week one by the Touchdowns. 4th round pick Cam Newton should return next week to give the 3/5rs a lift in their match up against he defending champs. A RB core that was questioned going into the year had a solid showing in week one. GM Ben Keck plans to keep "Chopping wood" and stay focused on "Getting a little better every day".

6. 50 Shades of Taint (1-0)

The Taints pulled out a W last week but didn't look very impressive in their 84-68 win over the Puff's. Steven Murphy doesn't seem concerned about Adrian Peterson and Dez Bryant's lack of production saying "I take full Responsibility, I didn't get the ball in their hands enough. But, ultimately a W was first on our list and we accomplished that". RB Carlos Hyde was a bright spot on the bench and could become a starter by mid season.

7. Keckism Killers (1-0)

Is this the year the Killers break their championship drought? Team owner Jason Jones certainly thinks so saying "If the 3/5rs can win back to back titles, WHY NOT US??!?" Unfortunately for the Killers they lacked championship form while sleepwalking to a W over the PV Porch monkeys. If the Killers are for real about competing for a championship they will need some more production from Aaron Rodgers and their WR's.

8. Polygamy Pounders (0-1)

The Pounders have been a model of consistency by reaching the playoffs every year since they relocated to Utah but could this be the year they miss the cut? Injuries to RB Eddie Lacy and Toby Gerhart have the Pounders scrounging the waiver wire for replacements.


9. FireChefs (0-1)

Championship Hangover maybe? GM Juice VanKueser agree's saying "We have a bad team this year. The owner was drunk when he drafted...luckily the championship bought me at least 5 years with the fans so I can afford a shitty season. Hell just look at the 3/5r's, they haven't won a title since Prince was a coach and their fans still show up". Cordelle Patterson looks to be a great selection but may have his production canceled out by a slumping Zac Stacy.

10. PV Porch Monkeys (0-1)

Speaking of championship game hangovers the Monkeys certainly looked uninspired in their week one loss to the Killers. If the Monkeys want to compete for a championship again this year they are going to need more production from the #14 overall pick Doug Martin who scored 0 points last week.

11. Puff Puff Pass (0-1)

The Puff's shocked the world last year with a 3rd place finish but seem to have lost their way putting up a measly 68 points in a week one loss to the taints. The Puff's have the talent to compete but need to avoid starting 0-4 before getting WR Wes Welker back from suspension.

12. My Lucky Tate (0-1)

The Tate's vowed that this year would be different, they were a changed team and had a responsible married GM at the helm...Unfortunately things looked the same as always in week one.  QB Andrew Luck was the only player in double digits and Jamaal Charles only scored 2 points.

2014 All Time Standings

KSFBFFL All Time Standings

Its here boys! Drop your cocks and grab your socks, its football(fantasy) time!

With a mere 24 hours before the 2014 KSFBFFL draft lets take a look at the all time rankings. 

Wins (W-L)

1.       Steve Murphy – 43-22

2.       Keane Horner – 41-24

3.       Justin Vanhecke – 37-28

4.       Jason Stanley – 32-33

5.       Matt Murphy – 29-23

6.       Ben Keck – 28-37

7.       Pearce McKinley – 25-27

8.       Harrison Poole – 22-43

9.       Tristan Trupka – 19-33

         Casey Walker – 16-23

         Austin Meyers – 13-13^

         Mike Brungardt – 12-14^

Win %

1.       Steve Murphy – .662

2.       Keane Horner – .631

3.       Justin VanHecke – .569

4.       Matt Murphy – .558

5.       Austin Meyers – .500

6.       Jason Stanley – .492

7.       Pearce McKinley – .481

8.       Mike Brungardt – .462

9.       Ben Keck – .431

        Casey Walker – .410

        Tristan Trupka – .365

        Harrison Poole – .338

No surprise here folks, Sven Murphy and Cheese Horner are the cream of the crop when it comes to winning. The big surprise is how shitty 2009 KSFBFFL champion Ben Ji Keck has sucked ass recently, .431??? Woof.

Total Points

1.       Keane Horner – 6,156

2.       Justin VanHecke – 5,969

3.       Steve Murphy – 5,851

4.       Jason Stanley – 5,645

5.       Ben Keck – 5,608

6.       Harrison Poole – 5,017

7.       Pearce McKinley – 4,708

8.       Matt Murphy – 4,663

9.       Tristan Trupka – 4,255

        Casey Walker – 3,416

       Austin Meyers – 2,208

        Mike Brungardt – 2,175

Total Points (Per Year Avg.)

1.       Keane Horner – 1,231

2.       Justin VanHecke – 1,193

3.       Pearce McKinley – 1,177

4.       Steve Murphy – 1,170

5.       Matt Murphy – 1,166

6.       Casey Walker – 1,139

7.       Jason Stanley – 1,129

8.       Ben Keck – 1,122

9.       Austin Meyers – 1,104

        Mike Brungardt – 1,088

        Tristan Trupka – 1,064

        Harrison Poole – 1,003

Points Against (Per Year Avg.)

1.       Harrison Poole – 1,202

2.       Ben Keck – 1,177

3.       Jason Stanley – 1,169

4.       Tristan Trupka – 1,158

5.       Casey Walker – 1,135

6.       Matt Murphy – 1,127

7.       Justin VanHecke – 1,123

8.       Keane Horner – 1,123

9.       Mike Brungardt – 1,117

        Steve Murphy – 1,114

        Pearce McKinley – 1,101

        Austin Meyers – 1,072

Things get interesting when you look at the average points per year and points against. Lets take a look at ole Pearce McKinney....Second lowest amount of points scored against him but still no titles? Pearce Pearce may have wasted some golden opportunities these last couple of years and could be in big trouble if things take a swing the other way. Another thing to note from this is that teams really seem to bring their "A" game when playing Ben Ji Keck and Jason McMillen Stanley.  

Playoff W/L (Appearance %)

1.       Steve Murphy – 4-4 (100%)

2.       Keane Horner – 4-4 (100%)

3.       Justin VanHecke – 4-2 (60%)

4.       Matt Murphy – 2-3 (75%)

5.       Ben Keck – 2-1 (60%)

6.       Pearce McKinley – 2-1 (25%)

7.       Austin Meyers – 1-1 (50%)^

8.       Jason Stanley – 1-2 (33%)

9.       Mike Brungardt – 0-1 (50%)^

         Harrison Poole – 0-1 (20%)

        Tristan Trupka - 0-0 (0%)

     .   Casey Walker - 0-0 (0%)

Still no playoff appearances for Tucker or Wayne :-(

Championships

1.       Ben Keck – 2* (2009)

2.       Steve Murphy – 1 (2012)

3.       Keane Horner – 1 (2011)

4.       Justin VanHecke – 1 (2013)

Thats right, suck it bitches. 

Final All-Time Rankings (Computer Generated)

1      Keane Horner         -

       Steve Murphy        -

       Justin VanHecke    +2

       Matt Murphy         -1

        Ben Keck                  -1

        Pearce McKinley   +2

       Austin Meyers       +3

       Jason Stanley          -2

       Mike Brungardt     -2

      Casey Walker        -1

         Harrison Poole      -          

          Tristan Trupka       -

Note: 2010 Championship was forfeit due to a Terrorist attack during the Title Game.

* 2008 Helms Title

^ Only played one season