KSFBFFL Semi Final Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Semi Final Preview

It was all chalk in the first round of the playoffs as the TD's and Garter Snakes both advanced with ease. How will things shake out this weekend in the semifinals?

NE JoCo Garter Snakes VS Farve Dollar Footlongs

The Footlongs stellar regular season saved them from what surely would have been a first round exit last week as they scored a paltry 61 points. This week they take on the red hot Garter Snakes who have won 6 straight games. General Manager Svennika is not concerned though and had this to say about his matchup this week “We feel that Charlie gives us an edge from a coaching perspective but are dealing with a few unexpected roster changes. We have cut kicker Brett Maher and are currently holding tryouts for a new foot fairy. Secondly Coach Charlie has not made his decision on which QB will be starting. We didn’t expect to have a QB controversy at this point in the season but we are confident our beloved canine will make the right decision. I predict a 113-96 win for the Footlongs.”

Meanwhile in NE Johnson County Coach Lady is on thin ice after a piss poor performance pheasant hunting last weekend. We caught up with her in her kennel to ask if the pressure is getting to her “Pressure? From Fantasy Football? I can coach this team in my sleep. What I can’t do is run around in a field full of grass that is 3 times taller than me while my asshole owner shoots a shotgun over my head. Its like WTF, you expect me to sniff out some wild birds and then after a big BANG put them in my mouth and bring them back? I don’t even like fireworks…Whatever, I’ll win the Martin for Ben and hopefully he will let me sleep next to that instead of a shotgun. Look for the Snakes to pull off a 125-103 win”

BWKNBNC Prediction – Garter Snakes keep the train rolling and the footlongs flounder. Garter Snakes 118, Footlongs 91

I Touchdown There VS Prairie Village Leg Hounds

After sending the Kooch’s to a first round exit the Touchdowns were a little confused on who they were playing next and gave us a preview of how they plan to beat the Garter Snakes….After being reminded they still have to play the Leg Hounds this week GM Mike Brungy was less than concerned “The TD’s are not worried about the Leghounds…Molly will have something very important for Pearce Pearce to do like take Lola to the spa or something and distract him from coaching his team. TD’s by 25 points.”

The Leg Hounds spent last weekend with their legs kicked up on the couch and still managed to put up an impressive 140 points. With another trip to the championship game on the Line GM Pearce McKinney was not worried about his matchup against the TD’S. “Come over to my closet and let me know you something” he said “See that? Bridesmaid dress from 2017. That one? Bridesmaid dress from 2014. Over there? That’s my 2013 Bridesmaid dress….Its what we do here on 70^th Ter, we make championship games and lose. This will be the TD’s last game of the season, we will win 110-85

BWKNBNC Prediction – The TD’s pull off a shocker and make their first KSFBFFL Championship game. Touchdowns 99, Leg Hounds 87.

Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Playoff Preview

Power Rankings 

1. Farve Dollar Footlongs (10-3) – Led by the Great White Hope Christopher McCaffrey the Footlongs put up a league high 1355 points in the regular season and  locked up the #1 overall seed with a first round bye. Footlongs Coach Svenika Murphy was in Kansas City this weekend and had this to say about his star running back “No question that Run CMC is the big man on campus. When we drafted him it was expected that he could provide this kind of production”. 

When asked about his plans during the teams first round bye he added “The bye will give us time to rest and prepare for the buzz saw that is the Garter Snakes”. Wow, no respect for the Killers from head ball coach Svenika Murphy.

Pants or Socks First? - Socks

2. PV Leghounds (10-3) – The Leghounds jumped out to a hot start at the beginning of the season but slowly squandered their total points lead before finally being passed by the Footlongs in the last week of the season. Losing David Johnson’s production has hurt but the Leghounds still have some firepower with Aaron Jones, Travis Kelce and Michael Thomas catching passes from Russell Wilson. 

“DangerRuss is our leader and the lynch pin to our offense” Coach McKinney said over the speakerphone as he was clearly taking a shit “We have a first round bye and there is not a team in this Tournament we can’t beat”.

Pants or Socks first? – Neither, just a shirt and then Porky Pig around the house.

3. NE JoCo Garter Snakes (9-4) – “Lamar Jackson is the MVP of the Garter Snakes and the League right now and if it wasn’t for some Piss Poor decisions to start Scam Newton the first 2 games we would be the total points leader with 1357 points” A quivering Coach Lady wimpered “Ben is not happy with me and keeps threatening to shoot a shotgun over my head all weekend as punishment”.

 The Garter Snakes are the hottest team in the league right now averaging 110 PPG during their 6 game winning streak and will look to keep the momentum going this week against the Keckism Killers.

Pants or Socks First? - I’m a fucking dog, I wear a collar and that’s it.

4. I Touchdown There (9-3-1) – After reaching #1 in the Power Rankings after an 8 game win streak the Touchdowns have come back down to earth going 1-2-1 in their last 4 games. BWKNBNC called up Owner Mike Brundgardt to get a quote on insurance and also his take on how the season went. 

“Anytime you make the playoffs you did something right and #myguy Nick Chubb was a big reason for that. We knew he was going to put up some numbers but didn’t expect as much production as he gave us…Also your homeowners quote is $1200 for the year if you pay in full. What’s it gonna take to get you in this insurance plan?!?”. Can the Touchdowns Finally get their hands on the elusive Martin this year or will it be another lonely winter in Dallas?

Pants or Socks first? – Only a sociopath puts their socks on before their pants.

5. Keckism Killers (6-6-1) – “I’m going to go ahead and say it, our MVP this year was me” Coach Aces Stanley said “We auto drafted because we knew it didn’t matter who was on the field. The players didn’t care, they knew I was going to put them in the place that gave them the best chance to succeed”. 

The Killers boast 2 top 5 WR’s in Hopkins/Evans and battled their way into a playoff spot but have not scored above 79 points in their last 3 games which could mean an early exit from the post season.

Pants or Socks first? – Socks, unless I wear pants. Then Pants.

6. Roughing The Kooch (6-6-1) – As Playboy Owner Scott Harris went shopping for domestic servants in Thailand last week his team decided to take the week off as well putting up 62 points against the Garter Snakes. BWKNBNC made multiple attempts to contact him but he is either in a Bangkok prison or sailing his Yacht in the middle of the Pacific.

Pants or Socks first? – I let Felipe decide, he dresses me how he wants and I dress him how I want.

FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF PREVIEW

NE JoCo Garter Snakes (9-4) VS Keckism Killers (6-6-1) –

What a great game in the first round of the playoffs as 2 arch rivals take the field with everything on the line. In week 10 the Killers were riding high having just scored 141 points and won or tied 6 of their last 8 games. Since then the team from North of the River has failed to score 80 points in 3 consecutive weeks but still snuck into the playoffs with a .500 record. 

The Killers do have some quality Ball Players like Mike Evans, Deandre Hopkins and Melvin Gordon but that’s about it. Meanwhile in NE JoCo the Garter Snakes have been on a tear winning 8 straight games behind all world QB Lamar Jackson and 3 top 11 running backs.

Prediction – The Snakes have too much firepower for the Killers. Snakes 115, Killers 89

I Touchdown There (9-3-1) VS Roughing The Kooch (6-6-1)

As Ditka’s GM Matt Settles pointed out earlier this week this first round matchup could have easily been a Beer Pong game at Lee Street in 2007 instead of a KSFBFFL game in 2019. The Touchdowns showed they still have some fight left in them as they put up 103 points last week which led to this bold statement by Coach Brundgart “We dominated the Kooch’s in week 3 and will dominate them again. We are not worried about the Leghounds in the 2^nd round either but the Footlongs and Snakes both have good teams”.

Prediction – Rodgers/Chubb/Elliott carry the Touchdowns to a big win. Touchdowns 98, Kooch’s 71.

Week 12 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

FOOTLONGS ARE NUMBER 1! 

Footlongs Coach Steve Murphy is knows to spend hours on his throne developing a game plan.

1. Farve Dollar Footlongs (8-3) – Things are looking up in the Carolina’s where Christopher McCaffrey has led the Footlongs to a 8-3 record and a 116-79 shellacking of the Dawgs last week. GM Sven Murphy is feeling confident and believes this is his best team since the Taints won it all in 2012 “Barring any major setbacks we are confident we will lock up the 2 seed. However we are resting our young gunslinger Lil Kyler Murphy this weekend in preparation of a deep playoff run. Coach Charlie believes this team is catching fire at the right time and wanted me to pass along this message (Humps favorite stuffed animal)”. Their next 2 game are against losing teams so the first round bye is a real possibility.

2. PV Leg Hounds (9-2) – The Leg Hounds still lead the league in total points but seem to have lost a step from how they started the season. We caught up the Leg Hounds shirtless Team President Pearce McKinney as he was washing his truck and asked him about the slowdown in production “It’s Fake News” He said while lathering the bubbly soap up and down the rock hard hood of his big manly truck “We expect to lock up a first round bye and Danger Russ will bring The Martin to Prairie Village”. The Leg Hounds face some stiff competition this week as they play the Gartner Snakes but McKinney insists he knows his way around stiff snakes and shouldn’t have any difficulty “Absorbing” the Snake’s best shot.

3. NE JoCo Garter Snakes (7-4) – After vanquishing their bitter rival the Touchdowns last week the Garter Snakes are on a 4 game winning streak behind the legs of Lamar Jackson. With a big matchup this week against the Leg Hounds GM Ben Keck is ready to pull out all the stops.  “Look, we put up 97 points last week with two top 10 running backs on bye” Keck said between spits of Tobacco Juice “This McKinney guy and his leg hounds? We aren’t worried about them, Lady takes shits bigger than their mascot Lil Lola. Look for the Garter Snakes to strangle the Leg Hounds run game and win 128-95”. Bold words by a great looking GM.

4. I Touchdown There (8-3) – The Touchdowns were atop the power rankings earlier in the year but have hit a rough patch averaging 72 points per game and going 1-2 in their last 3 matchups. “We’ve let a couple of games slip away and I’m not happy about that” Coach Brungy said shaking his head in disgust “We need to have a good week of practice and finish strong over the next 2 weeks to bring some momentum into the playoffs. To encourage our team to practice harder I will be providing free sonic drinks after each good practice”.  With 2 bottom feeders coming up to finish out the season the Touchdowns are still in a good position to lock up a first round bye.

5. Roughing The Kooch (6-4-1) – Some experienced owners were licking their chops at the thought new owner Scott Harris joining the KSFBFFL but the Playboy Owner from the Pacific Northwest has proven he belongs with the big boys. We reached out to Scott Harris for his thoughts “The Kooch’s are looking forward to the playoffs. This GIF is the rest of the comment”

6. Keckism Killers (5-5-1) – The Keckism Killers have quietly worked their way into position to be the 6^th seed in the playoffs but face a tough matchup against the Kooch’s this week. We sat down next to Coach Aces Stanley at the poker table and asked for his thoughts “Look man. I auto drafted my team, lost 3 of my first 4 games and traded 2 of my best players for draft picks but here I am holding down the 6^th playoff spot. Just goes to show you how shitty a lot of these other owners are. We can lose to the Kooch’s, beat the deadbeats and still make the playoffs as long as the Puff’s and Dawgs both lose once”

7. Texas Dawgs (5-6) – After spending the 2018 season tanking for draft picks and then trading 5^th/6^th/11^th rounds picks next year the Dawgs were expecting to be contenders this year. Thigs were looking up after a 3-1 start but a recent 3 game slide has pushed them past their breaking point and we are hearing rumors that Coach Matt Murphy struck a player at halftime of their game on Sunday “I got upset at halftime and lost my cool with the players then booked a one way flight to Tahiti that left yesterday” Coach Murphy said  “I’m gone, players are on their own. We exchanged some choice words and I might of even punched Greg Zuirlien, its all a blur. I’ll be watching the team the next couple of weeks but those fellas are on their own. I’ll be back next year with a new roster and until then My son Dean will be coaching the team”

8. Puff Puff Pass (5-6) – The Puffs are still hanging around the playoff picture and could sneak in as a 6 seed if they win their next 2 games against the Footlongs and Firechiefs. Here with a comment is Puff’s coach Adrian Meyers “Amari Cooper and Michael Thomas are outscoring Davante Adams every week. This was Steve’s best chance to win the Martin but he is a piss poor manager and screwed the pooch”. Wow, strong words from a gentle lady, lets see if the Puff’s can back up their talk on the field this week against the Footlongs.

9. Deadbeat Darryls (4-7) – Residents of Lake Lottawanna are getting antsy as it looks like the Darryls will miss the playoffs for a 3^rd straight year. The Chairman of the Deadbeat Darryls fan club, Byron Moore, was recently seen running over his Darryls Jersey with his Pontiac Grand Am. When we asked him why he would do such a thing he pulled out his wallet and said “Look in here buddy, you see that cash? I piss excellence in the morning and hate that I have to cheer for a losing team. I can buy 50 more of these Jerseys if I want but I’m not spending another dime until the Darryls start winning”. Will the Darryls make moves to shake up their coaching staff once the season is over?

10. Slobb On My Cobb (4-7) – The Cobbs are in rebuilding mode and playing for next season which has the fans in Falcon Ridge unhappy. We caught up with Cobb Superfan Todd Stanley on the golf course and got his take “Its fucking bullshit” he muttered “When the Cobbs relocated to Falcon Ridge we were expecting the team that won 2 straight KSFBFFL Titles but that’s not what we got. They pissed away a shot at The Martin last year and now GM Tucker Trupka is jetting off to the Caribbean in the middle of the season instead of trying to win games.”

11. Huge Ditkas (4-7) – Some people say the high of winning The Martin can last a lifetime but that has not been the case for Button Settle and the Ditkas who have lost 5 of their last 6 games. I ran into Button at a local watering hole with his head resting on the bar surrounded by empty PBR cans so I asked him if he was going to finish the season strong for his fans “I expect to finish this season like I’ve finished the last couple of games. Alone with an empty bottle of McCormicks in my hand and a melted candle on my nightstand”. You hate to see it but I can understand where he is coming from.

12. The Firechiefs (ZERO – 11) -  It’s been a rough season on Carter Circle and GM Justin Van Heche is feeling the heat of potentially being the first KSFBFFL team to go winless “Our management is shit, our coaching is shit, our cheerleaders are fat shits and our players are shitty. The fans are tired of all the shit and are making it known. I’m just trying to get through this season so I can go out to dinner without being verbally assaulted by angry Firechief fans.”  Tough times on Carter Circle indeed.

Week 9 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

Touchdowns Are on Top! 

Touchdowns GM Mike Brungardt enjoys the perks of being #1 in the KSFBFFL Power rankings

1. I Touchdown There (7-1) – Is this this the year The Touchdowns finally break through and win the Martin? GM Mike Brungy thinks so and has traded his 3^rd round pick next year to acquire troubled running back Zeke Elliot. Here with a comment is Touchdowns Superfan Kyle Jacobs “FUCKING RIGHT WE GOT ZEKE! WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE ZEKE JOIN THE TEAM, THAT’S A GUY YOU WANT ON YOUR SIDE WHETHER ITS ON THE FIELD OR WHEN YOU PULL OUT A SHOTGUN AND TRY AND FIND YOUR SISTERS BF!!! WHOSE DRINKING TONIGHT YOU FUCKING F****TS!?!”

2. Farve Dollar Footlongs (6-2) – The High Flying Footlongs dropped another hundred spot on the hapless Killers last week but some fans in the Carolinas are questioning whether they can win a title with Lil Kyler Murray or Baked Mayfield slinging the rock. This week’s matchup against the Gartner Snakes has Coach Charlie Murphy pulling out all the stops “Our team is led by our defense and we are working on some schemes to stop the garter snakes. Those tactics include letting chickens roam the field, removing all snacks from the visiting locker room vending machine and last but not least, dousing the field in our trade marked Coach Charlies Snake-A-Way Repellent.”

3. Texas Dawgs (6-2) – With a statement win over the Leghounds last week the Dawgs have announced to the league that they are a legitimate contender for the Martin. BWKNBNC caught up with Owner Emily Murphy at the local nail salon to get her take “We have depth and leadership on our team, when you have those 2 things the sky is the limit” she said before chastising the nail lady for taking too long.

4. Prairie Village Leghounds (6-2) – The Leghounds still lead the league in Points scored but after averaging 120 points per game in the first 5 weeks they have managed a paltry 87.6 over the last 3 games. Coach Lola Mckinney is not concerned though “The Leghounds have been dealing with some injuries lately. Don’t be surprised if we are active at the trade deadline”  

5. NE JoCo Garter Snakes (4-4) – This team is a model of consistency who has scored over 85 points in 7 of their 8 games…unfortunately their ceiling seems to be pretty low as their high score on the year is only 105pts. Team President Benjamin William Keck IV is not worried though “Look here you pissant reporter, we have the number 1 QB in PPG and our 3 RB’s are all in the top 10 of points scored. Don’t you dare question my team and get off my lawn before I go Walt Kowalski on your stupid ass”

6. Roughing The Kooch (4-3-1) – Playboy Owner Scott Harris is sailing his Yacht (Technically his crew is sailing it) in Southeast Asia this week but was kind enough to Phone into to the weekly BWKNBNC teleconference. “After a shameful AutoDraft we knew we had work to do. That meant canning a few people and making some smart waiver pickups. We had many doubters, had several trash trade offers from teams thinking they could take advantage of a new owner, but we persevered into the well oiled machines we are today…..Now if you excuse me I need to dock this Yacht in Manilla Harbor and pickup some fresh “Produce””.

7. Slobb On My Cobb (4-4) – When rumors that Zeke Elliot had been involved in another “Domestic” incident surfaced GM Jenny Trupka had enough. “Slobb on My Cobb recognizes that all genders/identities/pronouns deserve to be treated with respect and I can’t have Zeke Running around Falcon Ridge punching the cart girls. Luckily we were able to move the bad apple during this rebuilding year for a significant pick”

8. Keckism Killers (3-4-1) – Despite being only a game or two outside of the playoff picture Coach Aces Stanley has decided to hold a firesale “We live by a simple motto here on the river boat…If You Ain’t First, You’re Last”

9. The Huge Ditka’s (3-5) – Ditka’s owner Matt “Button” Settles was recently served with a restraining order by the New Orleans Police Department after camping outside of Alvin Kamara’s house for 5 days holding a prayer vigil for his health. “It didn’t work” Button Settles said “And now I can’t visit New Orleans for 6-9 Months ☹ “

10. Puff Puff Pass (3-5) – Coach Puff Meyers has pulled the plug on the season and is looking to deal some significant assets. We caught up with him on the Frisbee Golf course and he laid it our for us “Michael Thomas is the #1 WR and will be traded. Amari Cooper is the #7 WR and will be traded….It’s time to plan for next year”

11. Deadbeat Darryls (2-6) – “I’ve got a 5 month old baby and a Toddler at home, you think I have enough time to be good at Fantasy Football too?” GM Stephanie Walker said about this lost season.

12. The FireChiefs (0-8) – After having the greatest fantasy season ever in 2013 the FireChefs are trying to set the record for futility as well. No team has ever gone winless in a KSFBFFL season but the FireChefs are giving it a run this year. “Fans just never know what they are going to get with this team, its exciting!” Coach Van Heche said before he broke down and cried for a full 17 minutes. 

Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

1. Mississippi Leg Hounds 3-1 – Despite a tough loss last week to the Darryls the Leg Hounds hold on to the top spot in the rankings. I ran into Head Ball Coach McKinney at the local watering hole and asked him if he was looking to add any players or if his current squad was enough “We really like our team right now” he said while twiddling his hair “We have great locker room chemistry as evident by our league leading point total but we always have an ear open to any trade discussions”.

 2. Farve Dollar Footlongs 3-1 – The Footlongs put up an impressive 121 points last week to crush the rival Firechiefs. “We feel really good right now after that big W” Coach Charlie Muphy said as he licked where his balls used to be “Despite our good play we have not seen the success we projected from a couple of positions like QB and TE. We aren’t giving up on our guys yet but those are two areas we may look to target before the trade deadline. Right now all our focus is on giving the Leg Hounds a taste of their own medicine #Humptown”

3.  I Touchdown There 3-1 – BWKNBNC ran into Touchdowns owner Mike Gomez at Sonic the other day and asked him about his surprising 3-1 start “We have been quite pleased with our teams performance over the last couple of weeks. Our QB is really finding his stride and the other guys are doing what they are supposed to do” The Touchdowns have a gimme next week against the Firechiefs so they should be 4-1 without any issues.

4. Texas Dawgs 3-1 – Despite being 3-1 the Dawgs are not sitting on their laurels “Watson is off to a slow start and we may be looking for another QB, also have some work to do at the TE position” GM Dawg Murphy said at his weekly press conference (shirtless in front of a mirror) “We are in win now mode and will wait for more sellers to emerge before we make any deals”. If I know anything about the Dawgs its that they are always in win now mode and they never wait to make a deal. Is GM Dawg Murphy blowing smoke?

5. NE JoCo Garter Snakes 3-1 – Another week and another win from the sneaky garter snakes. Owner Ben Keck dropped some produce by the BWKNBNC office and had this to say about his team’s matchup with the Puff’s next week “Puffs? Pfft, more like the Puds. Our team is projected to score 99 and we will beat that by at least 15. Katy bar the door, the Garter Snakes are coming!”

6. Keckism Killers 1-3 – The Killers have the 3^rd highest point total in the league but due to some bad luck they currently sit at 1-3. “We will see what the next few weeks bring” Coach Aces Stanley said “Whatever happens over the next couple of weeks we are going to go HARD in one direction or the other”

7. Huge Ditkas 2-2 –  While not as dominant as they were last year the Ditka’s are still a force to be reckoned with as long as Kamara is healthy. With a big matchup this week against the Texas Dawgs GM Button Settles is not worried “Did you win the Martin last year? No?!? Then shut the fuck up and get out of my face AND IF YOU EVER CALL ME BUTTON SETTLES AGAIN I WILL CUT YOU.”

8. Slob on my Cobb 2-2 – “We knew this rebuilding year would be a struggle and we have a couple of workhorses in the stable who are getting fed up with our teams play” Back to Back champ Tucker Linville said while turning some wrenches in his garage. “These workhorses aren’t ready to start sucking for Tua yet and want to bring the Martin back home”. This weeks matchup against the Killers could be a do or die game for both teams.

9. Deadbeat Darryls 2-2 – Coach Wayne Walker and the Deadbeats pulled off heart stopping 1 pt win last week over the Leg Hounds and expect more of the same this week “Practice has been great but we have not executed as well on the field. We are looking forward to this weeks matchup against the Kooch’s and expect big numbers from our running game”.

10. Puff Puff Pass 1-3 – While GM Puff Meyers might be giving up on winning the title this year he does have one goal left for the season “I refuse to finish behind 1^st year coach Scott Harris. October is a big month and we need to start putting some W’s up on the board"

11. Roughing the Kooch 1-3 – First year Coach Julie Harris is still getting used to the grind of the KSFBFFL schedule “Unfortunately our team has been plagued by injuries the past few weeks. However….we have the finest back room doctors working on the players and just received a fresh supply of horse steroids from Mexico. We don’t plan on selling off any players at this point but if the Steroids are duds we may have no choice". 

12. The Firechiefs 0-4 – BWKNBNC reached out The Firechiefs team president Justin Van Hecke for his thoughts on their disappointing start “Are you serious clark? What would your thoughts be if your team was 0-4 and having one of the worst seasons in the history of fantasy football?!? EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE”. 

Week 3 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

1. Mississippi Leg Hounds 2-0 – The Leg Hounds of Prairie Village are lighting up scoreboards this year averaging 123 points per game and that has Playboy Owner Pearce McKinney all hot and bothered “The Leg Hounds are feeling extremely optimistic about their hot start. If we can stay healthy I think it could be our year to cradle The Martin” McKinney said while slowly stroking his cat Ursala.
2. NE JoCo Garter Snakes 2-0 – The snakes have managed to stay undefeated despite piss poor QB play from Scam Newton. “Cam’s production has been disappointing so far this year” Head ball coach Ben Keck said while flexing shirtless into the mirror “Luckily for Garter Snake fans we have a young guy named Lamar Jackson who has been tearing it up and will be getting the start next week”.
3. Farve Dollar Footlongs 1-1 – 37 Points from the Patriots Defense??!?! Some pundits are saying these team is all smoke and mirrors and GM Sven Murphy agrees that some changes need to be made after a tough loss to the Touchdowns “Head Coach Charlie Murphy has now assumed play calling duties and co-GM Sinnikka Murphy has been stripped of all duties until she gains more experience” Murphy whispered “Now if you will excuse me its time for Sinnikka’s nightly foot massage and I cant be late”
4. Slobb On My Cobb 1-1 – Never doubt a proven GM like Jenny Trupka. A big win last week against the reeling dawgs has put the league on notice that the Cobbs expect another playoff season. “Zeke has really stepped up as a leader this year but its never too early to make a deal and everyone is for sale at the right price”  She said after putting tiny lil baby drake down in his crib. Could the Cobbs be looking to sell already? What?
5. Deadbeat Darryls 1-1 – Patrick Mahomes is going to put up video game numbers all season long and the Darryls will ride him harder than Kilmer rode Mox. “Boy needs to learn some toughness, tough love is still love” Coach Wayne said between spits of tobacco juice.
6. Texas Dawgs 1-1 – After a dominating week 1 performance the Dawgs put up a turd in Week 2 and may have lost RB James Conner for an extended amount of time. Will GM Pooch Murphy go into gunslinger mode and start making deals? “We are underperforming and need to figure out our TE position” Pooch said while drinking an old fashioned and smoking a black and mild.
7. Roughing The Kooch 1-1 – We caught up with first year coach Scotty Harris while he was watching his servant polish his yacht after getting shellacked by the Leg Hounds last week and he hopes to bounce back this week against Footlongs. “We are feeling good about our team despite the loss to the hounds and are looking at the bigger picture. Seasons are won and lost on the waiver wire so expect some transactions this week” he said before he started throwing silver dollars at homeless people.
8. Huge Ditkas 1-1 – A big win in week 2 against the Puff’s shows that the Ditkas are not ready to give up the Martin just yet. The big question is whether Kamara can keep his production up while Drew Bree’s is injured. “An easy win this week helped us gel and gave us confidence that we can be a contender again this year” defending champion Matt Settle said before going back to his game of blackjack.
9. I Touchdown There 1-1  – Coach Mike Gomez jetted off to Hawaii before the game last week and his team seemed to respond positively with a come back win against the footlongs.  He phoned into the weekly conference call with some insight “You know, I’m really not that great at this whole fantasy football things so I’m basically going to put it on AutoPilot and see what happens…That’s all I have to say, gotta run to Sonic!”
10. Keckism Killers 0-2 – You are starting Oaklands Backup RB….You are lucky to be ranked this high. Here is GM Aces Stanely in his own words (while chugging mountain dew) “We are not a good team”
11. Puff Puff Pass 1-1  – What the hell was that? After a 104pt week 1 showing the Puff’s put up a paltry 47 pts in week 2. With Drew Bree’s out for most of the season it may be time for Coach Meyers to start planning for next season “Terrible performance in week 2, long road ahead for the Puffs and our first priority is to figure out our QB situation” the coach said while eating a bag of Doritos.
12. The Firechefs 0-2 – At least you have some trade bait I guess? We knocked on the door of Head Coach Justin Van Heche for a comment but he just closed the blinds and pretended he wasn’t home.

2019 Season Preview / Week 1 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

2019 KSFBFFL SEASON PREVIEW

(A group of KSBFFL Owners enjoy a leisurely boat ride 1 day before the draft)

First of all I would like to congratulate all the owners of the KSFBFFL for paying their dues before the season started. This year is a special season for the KSFBFFL as we celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the league. Before we preview our upcoming season lets take a moment to recognize our past champions. 

2009 - NE JoCo Garter Snakes (Ben Keck)
2010 - ***VACATED DUE TO TERRORIST ATTACK**
2011 - Turrible Tabernacle (Keane Cheese) - Franchise is now Roughing the Kooch
2012 - 50 Shades of Taint (Sven Murphy)
2013- The Firechiefs (Justin Van Heche)
2014 - Slobb On My Cobb (Tristan Trupka)
2015 - Slobb On My Cobb (Tristan Trupka) 
2016 - My Lucky Tate (Casey Wayne Walker)
2017 - Keckism Killers (Jason Stanley)
2018 - Huge Ditkas (Matt Settle)

Before we get to the power rankings lets hear from a representative of each team about how they are feeling about the upcoming season. 

Texas Dawgs Owner Matt Murphy – “Excited about the whole squad but I think we have the best running back trio and when you add a healthy Watson it’s a scary team. There’s really no weakness and there is some added depth which we haven’t had in recent memory. I’m predicting an 11-2 regular season and the #1 seed.”

Mississippi Leg Hounds assistant GM Pearce McKinney – “We feel really good about our teams talent and depth. I think we are a preseason Martin contender and should be favored nearly every game this season.”

Puff Puff Pass super fan Austin Meyers  – “We think this is the best team the puffs have put together since entering the league. We have lacked solid RB’s in the past but are feeling good this year and expecting at least an 8-5 regular season. Ironically team tight end could use some better tight ends, still work to be done.”

FireChefs GM Brooke Van Heche – “The draft didn’t fall quite like we wanted it to. That being said we think we are set to finish around .500 and squeak into the playoffs where anything can happen. Look for Darrel Guice to breakout this year and be a top 10 back.”

Slobb On My Cobb VP of Player Personnel Tucker Trupka – “We knew going in this was a rebuilding year so we drafted the roster accordingly. Zeke is very close to a deal with the Cobb’s and will be a factor in week 1. Considering where we are at today, 7-6 and squeaking into the playoffs is going to be our goal this year. Talk to anyone but the Ditka’s and you will understand the Cobb’s are a formidable opponent in the month of December.”

Huge Ditka’s GM Matt “Button” Settles – “The Ditkas have some fresh faces this year and are excited about our young talent and 60 year old Kicker. We are ready to defend the Martin and have another stellar season.”

Keckism Killers owner Boo Boo Stanley – “Heeeeyyyy Benjamin”

NE JoCo Garter Snakes Coach Lady – “WOOF, WOOF WOOF BARK, BARK BARK WOOF (We’re the best, forever, nothing ever going to hold us back)”

Farve Dollar Footlongs Co-Owner Sinnika Murphy – “My husband told me that Damien Williams was a steal in the 3^rd round but I’m pretty sure that Shady McCoy is going to steal a lot of his touches. I think we should add some more depth and pickup Terrel Owens if he is still available, would definitely help us to 13-0”

Roughing the Pooches Coach Scott Harris – “Mr. Keck. My media team will contact you when I’m not so intoxicated” (His media team never reached out)

I Touchdown There Assistant Water Boy Mike Brungy – "The Touchdownsare feeling very good about this season. We finally have all the pieces in place for a deep run. Look out for Nick Chubb this year, he has a chip on his shoulder after hearing Kareem may take over after his suspension. I'm conservatively predicting a 10-3 record for us this year"

Deadbeat Darryls season ticket holder Chuck Walker – “We ride and die with my guy Mahomes. If Fournette can put together a decent season and David Montgomery has the breakout year we are expecting there is no reason we cant go 10-3 and make a run at The Martin.

1. Huge Ditkas – To be the best you have to beat the best so the Ditka’s start off the year on top. Unfortunately for them I don’t see much Talent on their roster besides Kamara.
2. Texas Dawgs - The Dawgs finally learned how to acquire draft picks instead of trading them and have what some are calling the best backfield in the league with Watson/Gurley/Conner/Freeman. 
3. NE JoCo Garter Snakes – If Dalvin Cook and Cameron Newton stay healthy this team will be a force to be reckoned with in December.
4. Mississippi Leg Hounds – The Leghounds are primed for a bounceback season on the back on Kelce and David Johnson.
5. Deadbeat Darryls – If Mahomes performs like he is expected (60 TD’s 6,000yds) this team will win the Martin.
6. The Firechefs – Rumor has it coach Van Heche is moving to New England this season to camp outside of Josh Gordons house to keep him away from the weed.
7. I Touchdown There – Look for Tyreek to stay out of trouble and keep this team in the playoff picture.
8. Puff Puff Pass – Team Tight End is now Team QB with 3 currently on the roster (Bree’s/Rapelisberger/Trubisky). If Drake and Bell stay healthy this is a playoff team.
9. Farve Dollar Footlongs – Would not surprise me is Christian McCaffrey is on the trading block by week 4.
10. Keckism Killers – Auto Draft? Does he even care?
11. Slobb On My Cobb – Team Boom or Bust is looking like a bust right now but never count out a seasoned owner like Jenny Trupka.
12. Roughing The Kooch - The Kooches inaugural season in the KSFBFFL may be a rough one but at least it won't be as rough as the time owner Scott Harris got punched in the face by a girl then convinced Justin and I that he got jumped and then we went over to fight them but found out scott walked into the wrong house and tried to kick everyone out which led to him getting punched in the face by a girl. 

Interview With New Owner Scott Harris

Ben Ji
130 Miles East of Gods Country

BWKNBNC EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Scott Harris

Scott Harris (Middle in sailor cosplay outfit) enjoys a cold beverage

1. I noticed you are domiciled in the state of Oregon but your team is located in Salt Lake City. Do you have any plans on relocating and renaming the Polygamy Pounders? 

Yes, after procuring the Pounders from their previous owner, I’ve decided to move the team to Corvallis, OR. We love the fans of Salt Lake, but with the move out of Utah we felt it was appropriate to change the name (having more than one wife sounds horrible anyways). We are proud to announce that our new team name is “Roughing the Kooch”. This name plays into the traditions of Fantasy Football but is also an homage to the late Miami guard. 

2. Your Franchise is one of of only 8 franchises to win The Martin (2011), do you already feel superior to the Puffs(Austin), Touchdowns(Brungy), Leg Hounds(McKinney) and Dawgs(The Dawg)?

I’m still feeling out the pedigree of each team. With that said, we’ll see how the draft and week one goes before I start slinging mud. 

3. Rumor has it that much like The Mississippi Leg Hounds owner Pearce McWilson you are a "Playboy" owner who only cares about the status of owning a team in THE KSFBFFL. Is it true you will be in a different country during the draft? 

Fake news. Sometimes you have to mix business with pleasure while abroad. Lucky for me, owning the ‘Koochs is my pleasure. 

4. Do you have a particular strategy for your first KSFBFFL draft? 

I plan to consume large quantities of beer to shutdown the brain cells not associated with Fantasy Football in order to maximize focus. 

5. What does owning a franchise in THE KSFBFFL mean to you? 

It’s an honor to be on the same field as coaching legends such as Tristan Trupka, Ben Keck, and Jason Stanley, to name a few. So, as a K-State bro for life, I’m looking forward to the camaraderie amongst coach/owners. Make no mistake though, I’m here to claim The Martin and I look forward to accompanying her to a nice dinner followed by a powerful love making session.

6. Will Julie have any involvement with your team?

Roughing the Kooch is an organization which values diversity and inclusion. 

{....}

Is the mic off? Ok, ya, no way would I let that happen. 

7. Any additional comments about joining THE KSFBFFL? 

“Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.” -Coach Kilmer