Mid Season Report

Steve Murphy
Kansas City, MO

Mid-season Report

Best Team: Fire Chiefs

Boasting a league-leading 804 total points has led GM Justin VanHecke’s squad to an impressive 6-1 record. This star-studded unit is led by veterans Peyton Manthing and former Taint’s star wide-out, Calvin Johnson. With the recent return of STUD Rob Gronkowski, there is no sign of the Fire Chiefs slowing down. Prediction: finish with a 10-3 record and lose in the title game.

Best Player: Peyton Manthing

There is no argument here as  the 37 year old future Hall of Famer is averaging an astounding 27.6 points per game. He has scored at least 20 points in 6 of 7 games so far this season. GM Justin Kueser has found himself replacing his knee pads each and every week amid Peyton’s success. Prediction: Manning gets hemorrhoids in week 16 forcing the title to slip out of Justie’s hands.

Most Productive Player: Jamaal Charles

GM Wayne Walker is thrilled with his 2^nd overall pick thus far (who was passed by Ben Keck for Trent Richardson LOLERZ). Charles leads all RBs with 127 total points (18.1 avg), including 15 or more in EVERY game this season. Although Jamaal’s success has facilitated a nice little 4-3 start for Costa Concordia Disaster, rumor is that teammates are still pissed at him for impregnating Jovan Belcher’s girlfriend. Prediction: Charles gets stabbed in the locker room showers after week 10.

Best Defense: Kansas City Chiefs

Nope, that’s not a typo. Your hometown team has the best defense in the NFL. The Chiefs’ D has been ridiculously productive this year forcing 19 turnovers, 35 sacks, and 5 TDs. Prediction: Accumulation of turnovers and sacks slows down, but they hold the #1 defensive rank all season long.

Rookie Sensation: Gio Bernard

Credit GM, Sven Murphy, of the Taints for snagging this youngster in the 5^th round of the draft. Although his number aren’t eye-popping (9.1 ppg), the rookie out of North Carolina has a promising future and has been the most impressive rookie this season. Prediction: Bernard’s workload increases as does production in the flex position for the Taints as they look to bring yet another trophy to “Titletown”.

Steal of the Draft: Phyllis Rivers and Chiefs D

It was hard to ignore the value that these two have brought to their respective teams. Rivers was drafted in the 14^th round (161^st overall) while he ranks as the 3^rd best QB at 19.1 ppg so far this season. Although he has played for two teams (Keckism Killers traded him to The Dawgs), Phyllis has had no problem learning each new offense. As for the Chiefs D (also picked in the 14^th round) , see BEST DEFENSE.

Pick-up of the Year: Julius Thomas

As Peyton’s go-to red zone target, Thomas was a hot commodity after week 1. Thanks to a despicable week 1 performance, playboy GM Pearce Pearce McKinney was able to claim the third year tight end. The Fighting McKinneys already had STUD TE Jimmy Graham, so Thomas was quickly wrapped in stink bait and thrown into the Missouruh river. GM Ben Keck nabbed the promising TE for Freddy Jackson. Prediction: Thomas remains a top 5 TE all year long.

Best Turnaround: Costa Concordia Disaster

After a disappointing 4-9 2012 season, GM Wayne Walker has been the best turnaround story so far in this young season at 4-3. Much credit is given to the Disaster’s GM for trading Aaron Rodgers to the Taints last year for a 3^rd round pick in the 2013 draft. It’s paying early dividends as this team is poised to make its first ever playoff appearance. Predcition: A matchup versus the Fighting McKinney’s in week 12 decides a final playoff spot.

Biggest Disappointment: Raw Dawg

GM Matt Murphy’s storied franchise is in danger of missing the playoffs for the first time ever after feeble 2-5 start. This squad may look good on paper, but they can’t seem to put together a winning formula. Problem #1: drafting MJD…WOOF! (pun intended- see what I did there). Prediction: The Dawgs finish 6-7 and watch the playoffs from their luxury kennel.

First Round Bust: Trent Richardson/Steven Jackson

Taken #1 overall by GM Ben Keck in this year’s draft, the Alabama product is the 26^th ranked RB averaging just 6.6 points per game. When asked about why he passed on prospective #1 overall RB Jamaal Charles, GM Ben Keck stated that he spent more time on his lawn this summer than preparing for the draft. Steven Jackson is also an obvious first round BUST. Playing in just 2 games this year (14 carries), Jackson was a horrific draft choice by GM Scott Pioli (Brungy).

Show us your tiiiiiiiiiits!

Your Commish,

Sven Murphy