140 Miles East of Gods Country
Van Heche Named GM of the Month
Firechef's GM Justin Van Heche poses in his kitchen with an random groupie
Firechef GM Justin Van Heche has been Named GM of the Month by the BWKNBNC after his sensational start to the year. The Firechef's are on a record setting pace and currently the HEAVY favorite in Vegas to win the WHOLE DAM THING.
Are they really that great you may ask?
They are. In fact they have put up video game stats so far this year
- 165 Point score in week 1, 35 points higher than the next best total(130 By the Taints)
- Averaging 115 points per game
- Scored over 100 points in 4 out of 6 weeks.
- In their only loss they scored 82 points and lost by one.
We caught up with GM Justin Van Heche after work and asked him a couple of questions.
Did you think your team would be this good after the draft?
"I think every owner believes their team is great after the draft, however I did not think we were going to have this much success early in the season"
Your only loss was by 1 point to the lowly Footballs. What happened that Game?
"Peyton Fumbled, its as simple as that. While we do appreciate what he has done for us this season that fumble fucked us in the ass. HARD"
Interesting. Now obviously Peyton is the most important person on the team, but what other player could you least afford to lose to the Injury Bug?
"Reggie Bush. He has been NAILS this year but with his injury history another one is very possible."
Will the Firechefs lose again this year?
"Yes, we will lose again this year but it won't be to those lowly Matt Millen Scum"
STUDS
1. Firechefs, 5-1-
Peyton put up a season low 13 points and they still scored 120. They are the undisputed #1 team, what more is there to say?
DUDS
2. 50 Shades of Taint, 4-2
The Taint's fell flat on their face last week in their Prime Time match up against the Firechefs putting up a pitiful 77 points. If Tony Romo and Adrian Peterson keep scoring in the single digits they may take a tumble down the rankings. We reached out to GM Sven Murphy earlier today and he had this comment "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"
3. Team McKinney, 3-3
What looked like a close match up against the Mothers turned into a sleepwalk as the McKinney's notched the W. Sven Ridley had a breakout week scoring 22 points but last weeks stars Jimmy Grahm(0 points) and Fred Jackson(4 points) need to get back on track. Grahm will be out this week on a BYE but GM Blouse McKinley is not worried
"Next man up. We won without much contribution from Mr. Ridley the previous weeks. He is aback and ready to fulfill his keeper potential."
4. Dixieland 3/5rs, 3-3
The Dixieland Three Fifthers continue their climb out of the cellar on the back of their STUDLY WR core of Desean Jackson(18 points) and Brandon Marshall(20 points) who caught a couple of Bombs from Matthew Stafford(23 Points). This team has increased their point total every week and have some experts asking "How high can this team climb?"
5. Polyagmy Pounders, 3-3
Last weeks loss can be placed soley on the shoulders of Darren Sproles, Dez Bryant and Jason Witten who combined for 11 points after scoring a combined 48 points the week before. This is a solid team that could beat anyone if you catch them on a good week. We asked GM Keane Horner about his teams upcoming matchup with the reeling Coyotes
"Normally I would be worried about the team overlooking the reeling and hapless coyotes, but after letting a winnable game slip the focus has never been more intense. The addition of Eddie Lacy could not have come at a better time with Sproles on a BYE. Lacy also now gives the team three solid options at RB and move Demarius Moore from a permanent flex player to a legit contender for one of the WR slots In short we have more RB/WR options than we do slots, time to nut up or shut up"
6. DezRespect Your Mother, 3-3
What is wrong out in Blue Springs? A 2 game skid has the Mothers sinking and questioning the depth of their roster. RB Jamal Charles scored 24 points last week but was the only player in double digits.
7. Raw Dawgs, 2-4
The Red Hot Dawgs take on the Mothers next week after scoring 114 points last week. His Running back core looks better every week putting up a combined 60 points. We caught up with the head dog himself today lapping some water out of a fountain and asked him about his upcoming matchup against the Mothers.
"They may have Charles but have you seen their recieving core? Embarassing. Bunch of special team caliber fill ins. My projected 130 points this week is all you need to know. How we prep in the Dawg Pound stays in the Dawg Pound"
8. Puff Puff Pass, 3-3
Things are looking up on Quality hill after a 22 point victory over the Coyotes. Tom Brady has struggled so far this year but Vernon Davis has picked up the slack scoring 47 points the past 2 weeks.
9. Matt Millen is My GM, 3-3
Will the Millens go another year without a playoff victory? Their squad has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of weeks and only scored 68 points last week.The Millens face a do or die game this week against the 3/5rs without their star QB Drew Brees who has a BYE week.
PUDS
10. Johnny Footballs, 2-4
The Footballs showed some life last week putting up 87 points but this team is still too reliant on Cam Newton(30 points last week) to emerge as a true playoff contender.
11. West Caanan Coyotes, 2-4
Is GM Harrison Poole already giving up on the season? Anytime a Ginger is your leading scorer your team has serious issues.
12. I Touchdown There, 3-3
The Touchdowns 3-3 record can be deceiving because GM Mike Gomez has completely gutted his team by trading Keeper RB CJ Spiller for "Backup Bernard Peirce" and then trading the packer's starting RB Eddie Lacy to the Pounders for Alex Smith who sccored 7 points in what will likely be his only start of the season.
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