Week 6 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of God's Country

THROW HIM IN THE POND!!

Injuries have devastated Jason Stanley's Fighting Matt Millen's, look for this team to go down quicker than Scotty Harris on a first date!

Whammy! Zamm Zap!

What do we make of the previously undefeated Taints? Are they for real? Are they as fake as Scotty's story about casey climbing on a dresser to piss on him? Should find out this week when they play the Firechefs!

Hey. Hey. Hey!

Perennial door mat Puff Puff Pass is only one game away from .500 but things may go "Up in Smoke" if Tom Brady keeps playing football like Scott Harris after 10 beers.

Without further ado here are your week 6 Power Rankings.

STUDS

1. FireChefs, 4-1 -

The FireChefs reclaim the top spot after scoring a league high 127 points. Peyton was Peyton and Ashley Jefferson did a superb job filling in for Megatron putting up a career best 27 points last week. With Rob Gronkowski returning to the lineup this squad is the team to beat.

2. 50 Shades of Taint, 4-1 -

The Taints picked up their first L last week with AD on a bye but scored a solid 93 points. Tony Bromo put up 40 points last week while old man Gore put up 15. GM Sven Murphy "Expects the Taints to come up GUNS BLAZING this week"  against the Arch-Rival FireChefs including a prediction "Not even close, Taints by 27".

DUDS

3. DezRespect Your Mother, 3-2 -

GM Casey Walker got on his team after sleepwalking through a victory over the Coyotes and chastised new addition Julian Edelman for giving up on routes. GM Casey Walker may want to take some of the blame himself after leaving Tie Hiton and his 26 points on the bench.

4. Polygamy Pounders, 3-2 -

Wow! 2 Weeks ago the pounders were 1-2 when GM Keane Cheese laid down the gauntlet on his players and they have responded. The Pounders put up an impressive 109 points last week led by Dez Bryant and Jason Witten.

5. Team McKinney, 2-3 -

Despite averaging 100 points the last 2 weeks the McKinneys are on a mini 2 game losing streak. New addition Fred Jackson scored 21 but fellow running back Ben Tate let him down with only 1 point. We caught up with Playboy owner Pearce McKinley at the local cabaret club. "You have to assume things will even out over the course of the season. We are one of the top scoring teams in the league and will continue to be is we can stay healthy. Now bring that dark skinned vixen over to daddy's lap"

6. I Touchdown There, 3-2 -

The Touchdowns continued their Ups and Downs putting up a lowly 70 points last week. You know things are bad when your Kicker is the leading scorer. GM Mike Brungardt has to be kicking himself for sending CJ Spiller(12 pts last week) off to the Matt Millens for Bernard "Backup" Peirce.

7. Matt Millen is My GM, 3-2 -

The bottom may have come out this week with Julio Jones out for the year and Ryan Matthews/Dexter McFadden/Greg Olsen/Cynthia Spiller/Ahmad Bradshaw all questionable or out. GM Jason Jones says "My team is open for business, as a buyer and a seller"

8. Dixieland Three Fifther's, 2-3 -

New addition Julius Thomas led the 3/5'rs to a come back victory last week with an impressive 24 points. Alfred Morris and Trent Richardson need to get going for this team to compete so the rumors that the three fifthers were on the edge of acquiring RB LeSean McCoy from the Puff's seem to have some credence. We can't confirm for sure but it appears the deal was done until Puff's GM Austin  Meyers got cold feet.

9. Puff Puff Pass, 2-3 -

Welcome to the starting lineup Cecil Shorts! Scoring 14 points in his first start Cecil Sparked a comeback no thanks to Tom Brady's 5 points.


PUDS

10. West Canaan Coyotes, 2-3 -

55 Points this week including a total of 11 from their starting QB and WR's...COMBINED...I guess that is all you can expect when you start a Ginger at QB.

11. Raw Dawgs, 1-4

Hey Hey Hey! The "Tough Luck" Dawgs finally got a W this week led by new QB Phillipe Rivers who was acquired for currently injured Ryan Matthews. If Knoshoe Moreno can continue being a stud(34 points in the last 2 weeks) this team may be able to salvage their season.

12. Johnny Footballs, 1-4 -

So goes Cam, so goes this team....and 6 points wont cut it. Head ball coach Tristan Trupka looked kind of down when I saw him browsing www.asiansboys2u.com the other day. "Every week is a new season I guess. We just need to remember we start this next week with a 0-0 record and, O this little Fernando is cute, better get 2 day shipping on him. But yeah, next week is a new week."