First Round Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

First Round Matchups

I Touchdown There (8-5) VS Keckism Killers (8-5)

Four weeks ago the Touchdowns demolished the Killers 108-73 and GM Mike Brungy thinks this time will be similar. “We had a must win game last week and we won so this is nothing new to us. I’m proud of the guys and think last weeks W will give us some momentum into our matchup with the Killers”. Coach Gomez will have some tough decisions to make as star WR Michael Crabtree returns from his 2 week suspension “Crabtree is a game time decision. I can tell you one thing though….He will not be wearing a god damn chain around his neck”

Meanwhile Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo never planned on making it to the playoffs and is in the middle of a 10 day Bender in Las Vegas. We talked to Darryl Darnell, one of the few remaining Killers fans left, about what he thought of the head coach spending time in Vegas before the Game “It’s a disgrace. We have not made the playoffs in 3 years, have never won a playoff game in our history, and now our coach has gone AWOL to Vegas”. Coach Boo had another take saying “No game prep is needed, we basically have a double bye into the title game. We are already preparing to face the Ditkas in 2 weeks”. Bold statement by the Coach who has never won a playoff game. 

Prediction – Killers 96 Touchdowns 82

Huge Ditkas (9-4) VS Zipper Destroyers (7-6)

The Ditkas are the hottest team in the league riding a 6 game win streak where they have scored over 100 points each week. In a recent survey all owners participating in the playoffs the Ditkas won every vote as the favorite to bring home The Martin. Coach Settle says his recent success is not a flash in the pan “We have put in our best effort the last half of the season and it truly shows our dedication to practicing the right way week after week”. The Path to the championship game seems clear cut for the Ditkas, beat the Destroyers this week and the Reeling Monkeys next week and he is in. Coach settle doesn’t think it will be that easy though “While it’s a favorable path to the championship game we are only concerned with the Destroyers right now. GM Murphy is a trickster and we want to make sure he doesn’t try any sneaky moves”

It took a Christmas Miracle to get the Destroyers into the playoffs and now GM Pooch Murphy is hoping for another “Really counting on some help from the Falcons to slow down the Ditkas big play guys (Thomas/Kamara)” He opined hopefully “Hope those guys are hungover from their big games last week. All we have to do it win 2 games before our lord and savior Zeke comes back for the title game”. Both Jimmy Graham and Woman Beater Mixon are listed as questionable for this weeks game so the Destroyers may be putting their season in the hands of Doug “The Muscle Hamster” Martin.

Prediction – Ditkas 106 Destroyers 74

What is the first thing you do if you win The Martin?

Touchdowns GM Mike Brungy – “First of all it would be an honor. Second of all I will probably sleep with her the first night, maybe get a photo op of my balls in it to send to the other owners??!?!? Who knows!”

Killers GM Jason “Aces” Boo – “The Martin will be taped to the hood of my 2011 Toyota Camry for the parade down Main St”

Destroyers GM Pooch Murphy – “Wow, Great Question. If we win The Martin we will likely glue it to the baseball trophy and turn it into a duel light saber (Darth Maul style)”

3/5rs GM Benji Keck – “It’s been 6 years too long since the Martin was in my possession. I imagine we would spend the first couple hours catching up, maybe over a bottle of wine? Once the pleasantries are out of the way I’ll invite her into the bedroom and see how Lauren responds….”

Monkeys GM Pearce Wilson – “If we have the honor of bringing The Martin home there will be a parade scheduled down 70^th street between Pflumn and Nall. All members of the league will be invited, the parade will end at the Blue Moose”

Ditkas GM Button Settle – “When we win it all The Martin will be making its debut appearance in Vegas for March Madness…BLACK TEN”

Week 12 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles east of Gods Country

A LEAGUE IN TURMOIL?!? LAWSUITS THREATENED BY ENRAGED OWNER MATT MURPHY!!!!

Destroyers GM Matt Murphy has threatened to "Sue everyone to hell" 

BWKNBNC has learned that Zipper Destroyers GM Matthew Murphy is threatening legal action against the KSFBFFL if his team fails to make the Playoffs and Slobb on My Cobb does. The incident stems from last weeks game where the Kaibob Kangol Krew had 2 starters who were either out with an Injury or on a Bye week during their matchup with the Cobbs. The Cobbs ended up winning 55-45 and that does not sit well with Destroyers GM Matt Murphy “It’s alarming. The fact that another owner cares so little about the integrity of the league. We have the second highest point total, just astronomical, and we should make the playoffs. If the KKK play by the rules they should of beat the Cobbs and I would have more breathing room”. If GM Murphy does follow through with his threat it would be the first lawsuit filed against the League since Mike D sued for wrongful termination in 2011.

1. Huge Ditkas (7-4)

Four straight 100+ games and a league high 1032 pts has the Ditkas eating high on the hog this autumn. Coach Button Settles attributes his recent winning streak to “Consistent smart moves from our players looking to shine”…Whatever the hell that means. He also added that “The end of the season is our toughest yet but we are coming in hot for a first round bye”. The Ditkas still have to play the Touchdowns and Monkeys before the playoffs start so we will find out if they deserve the lofty title of #1 in the power rankings.

2. Raytown 3/5 (8-3)

Head ball coach Lady was not made available to the Media after last weeks heartbreaking loss to the Touchdowns. Some have speculated that it was to hide the black eyes she had received from her owners but GM Ben Keck denied that was the case “That’s all non sense, nothing of the sort happened” He said “Lady is hard at work  preparing for our matchup this weekend against the Monkeys. This game is HUGE, if we win we will lock up the #1 overall seed and a first round bye. Expect Lady to make her decision about the starting QB position by tomorrow afternoon."

3. PV Monkeys (8-3)

The Monkeys fell to their former landlord the Killers last week but Coach Lola Wilson was not worried. “Things like that happen” She said “We will be welcoming back Greg Olsen this week and expect big things from him to end the season”. With 2 more tough games on the schedule the end of the year the Monkeys will need to win at least 1, possibly 2 if they want to keep their first round bye.

4. I Touchdown There (7-4)

The Touchdowns dominance of the 3/5rs continued last week with a 87-85 victory bringing their all time record to 8-1 against the 3/5rs franchise. GM Mike Brungy didn’t think much of it though “It was a good win for us to get back on track. There isn’t a lot for me to say, the team knew they were capable of beating the 3/5rs, hell they’ve done it 8 times now”. With an outside chance at a first round bye still in the picture the Touchdowns are focused on beating the red hot Ditkas “The Ditkas are a hot team right now” Brungy remarked “We are going to need solid production from everybody. I’m looking to get dez and digs some more touches and hopefully a couple of TDs”.

5. Keckism Killers (6-5)

“Last week was a season saving win” Coach Boo said during his press conference Tuesday. “The Monkeys put up a valiant effort but much like their playoff performances they came up just short”. The killers finish off the year with games against the KKK and Deadbeats and should be able to cruise to a 8-5 record but a first round bye does not seem like its in the cards this year.

6. Slobb On My Cobb (6-5)

The Cobbs played like shit again last week but put another W on the scoreboard against the KKK. The soft end to the regular season means that barring any upsets the Cobbs can make the playoffs as long as the killers or Destroyers lose one of their last few games. GM Tristan Trooopka still feels like this is a team that can make some noise if they do get in the playoffs and is excited about his recent waiver wire pickup of Samje Perine “We strengthened our stable of backs this week and feel that will be enough to bring home a 3^rd Martin”

7. Zipper Destroyers (6-5)

Pictures were flying off the wall last weekend in Dallas as GM Matt “The Dawg” Murphy was LIVID about the KKK starting a kicker who was on his bye week against the Cobbs “Fucking Bullshit” He said “I have the 2^nd highest point total in the league but I’m 1 loss away from missing the playoffs! It shouldn’t be allowed! I have a good team dammit! Fucking Cheese didn’t even set his lineup! It’s not my fault I lost 5 games already this year! Look at my point total”. He calmed down after popping a Xanax and seemed to regain his composure when asked about his brewing QB controversy between Big Ben and Drew Brees “We are playing it week by week and this week Drew is getting the nod. We can’t predict efficiency but our crew does well analyzing matchups and predicting pass attempts which will favor Drew in a shootout vs the Rams”

8. Puff Puff Pass (5-6)

An errant snap chat posted to story mode by Philip Rivers showed that he and 3 other players stayed out until 4am on Sunday morning visiting Bonita Flats. The late night romp showed on the field as the Puffs were blown out by the Deadbeats in what should be a season ending defeat. GM Puff Meyers was disappointed but hopeful for the future “Its disgraceful, those players being out that late without inviting the owner. Our season is shot, it didn’t help to have 3 of my starters out on Bye but there are no excuses to losing to Wayne. We gave it a run, picked up some draft picks for 2018 but 2017 is over. We are heading back to Bonita Flats tonight, as a team, to pick up where we left off on Saturday night”

9. The Fire Chefs (5-6)

While the season may be over the Coach Van Hecke and the Firechefs they are still playing for something this week when they take on the Destroyers. “We would love nothing more than to beat the destroyers and keep them out of the playoffs. If we beat them this week and help the Cobbs make the playoffs that gives us champions (Keck/Horner/Muphy(Steve)/Trupka/Walker) a better chance of keeping the Martin in the family. The last thing I want to see if another owner get their grubby hands on that pristine trophy”

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-8)

The Krew have been officially reprimanded by the league office for failing to set their lineup before week 11. If there is another occurance they will be docked a 7^th round draft pick in 2018.

11. Deadbeat Darryls (3-8)

The Darryl’s jumped up and bit the Puffs last week. Can they do it again this week against the Cobbs?

12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-9)

Such a sad sad season for this formerly proud franchise.

Week 11 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
Looking at you through your window now....

PV Monkeys Skyrocket up the rankings!

PV Monkeys Playboy Owner Pearce McKinley Celebrates His 8-2 Start with Cocaine, lots of cocaine.

The  2017 rendition of K-States Finest Bros Fantasy Football League is coming down to an exciting end with 9 of 12 teams still .500 or above. The PV Monkeys and the Raytown 3/5rs are the class of the league at 8-2 and seem destined for first round byes. A step below them and its a like a bull in a china shop, just absolute mayhem as 7 teams fight for the 4 remaining playoff spots.

Without further adoo here are the week 11 Power Rankings.

1. Raytown 3/5rs (8-2)

It was business as usual last week as the 3/5rs earned their 8^th Win of the season. “Kirk and Greg both had a hell of a game and we are going to need the same type of performance from them next week” Coach Lady Said referencing their HUGE matchup with the Touchdowns. Since joining the league in 2012 the Touchdowns have beat the 3/5rs 7 out of 8 times but Lady isn’t fazed “This is only my second year as a coach so I can’t comment on what happened before. What I can comment on is that the Touchdowns are a trash team, and a trash organization led by a coach who has yet to win a playoff game (Drops mic)”

2. PV Monkeys (8-2)

Time to give the Monkeys the respect they deserve after a 21pt beat down of the cobbs. Christian McCaffrey is finally playing like the 3^rd round pick he was and has put up double digit totals the last 2 weeks. The Monkeys matchup this week is the desperate Killers who need a win to stay in the playoff Hunt. GM Pearce McKinney says that while all games count the same this one means a little more “The Monkeys and Killers always enjoy each other’s failure. It dates back to the days when their GMs would wait in hiding for hours to scare the opposing GM into Peeing their pants”.

3. Huge Ditka’s (6-4)

Despite putting up 101 pts in a win last week Ditka’s dropped a spot to make room for the red hot Monkeys. GM Matthew “Button” Settle is not worried tho “I feel good for the end of our season. Since our week seven slump we have been consistently rising with 3 100+ point games in a row.” RB Alvin Kamara has been a HUGE part of that putting up double digits in each of the last 4 games. A first round bye may be out of the picture for the Ditkas due to their remaining schedule “We have a tough road ahead against some of the top teams to end the season”

4. I Touchdown There (6-4)

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Cam Newton. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Lesean McCoy. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Carlos Hyde. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Here is coach Brungardt with a comment "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb"

5. Slobb on My Cobb (5-5)

Two time KSFBFFL Champion Tristan Trupka has guided his team to a 5-5 record but finishes out the season with 3 teams deep in the rebuilding process. "The Cobbs opponents over the next 3 weeks represent the bottom of the league. Game plan will be to get fat and hope to come out on top of the Chaos" Coach Moose said. With Touchdown Tom rocketing the ball around the field to Julio and Tyreek the Cobbs will be a force if they can grab a playoff spot. 

6. Puff Puff Pass (5-5)

Coach Puff led his team to a league high 69 points last week but was till not happy "There are still concerns with our running backs. All 3 on byes this week but we are confident we can pick up wins over the next 2 weeks setting up a must win against the FireChefs in week 13" he said referencing his upcoming games against the Deadbeats and Footlongs before finishing by saying "Never ever have 2 RB's from the Jets. Thats my biggest takeaway from this season". 

7. Keckism Killers (5-5)

The Killers have a large advantage over the Puffs and Cobbs in total points but they face a tough matchup this week against the RED HOT Monkeys. "I don't really have much to say" Despondent coach Boo said "Historically speaking the Monkeys are a better program than us. More wins, more playoff appearances, more playoff wins. They are what we aspire to be". If the Killers can somehow manage to knock off the Monkeys they can coast into a playoff spot by winning their last 2 games against the KKK and Deadbeats. 

8. Zipper Destroyers (5-5)

Locked into a similar scenario as the Killers is the Zipper Destroyers. They have plenty of points but have to finish the season against the Touchdowns and FireChefs without Star RB Zeke McZeke. "He is working with the zippers legal team to get his suspension down to 4 games. We expect he will suit up for week 14" Zippers GM Scooby Doo opined hopefully. Soon after that statement the courts ruled that the entire 6 game suspension is being upheld much to the chagrin of Scooby Doo. "Whatever" He said "Black Jordy will carry the load. We are deep and do not depend on any one player"

9. The FireChefs (5-5)

Lurking on the outside of the Playoff picture with no gimmes left on their schedule the FireChefs have been demoralized after their Coach Juice VanHeche was caught on a hot mike saying "My team fucking sucks". It seems like the only thing they have left to look forward to is spoiling a playoff spot for one of the teams above. 

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-7)

Keane is to cool for Groupme now that he has a GF and doesn't actually read this so I'm not going to bother giving my opinion on his shitty ass team. 

11. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-8)

The Footlongs put a scare in the Ditkas last week when they put up 86 Points. Look for them to sneak up and win at least 1 of their next 3 games. 

12. Deadbeat Darryls (2-8)

You should bring Chuck to Friendsgiving.  

Week 10 Power Rankings

Ben Keck
140 Miles East of God's Country

Week 10 Power Rankings

1. Raytown 3/5rs (7-2)

“It wasn’t pretty but we took care of business and got the W against the hapless Footlongs” head ball coach Lady said. This week should be a little tougher as they face off with the Firechefs in what some people are calling “The Rumble on 75^th St”. With Kareem Hunt on bye Lady is looking for some big production from a recently healthy Rob Kelley saying “We feel good about him in there. He is now healthy and the clear #1 in Washington, his 2 TD’s last week showed that he is a talented player”. The 3/5rs have all but locked up a playoff spot and are now gunning for the #1 overall seed.

2. Keckism Killers (5-4)

The Killers led the KSFBFFL in points last week and seem to have found their stride after a couple midseason struggles. With the best RB threesome in the league the Killers main problem has been staying focused and beating the teams they should beat (Losses to KKK/Deadbeats) but GM Jason “Aces” Stanley is not worried. “Our guys are ready to make the push and expect to be drinking champagne out of The Martin in Late December” He remarked. “I like the way the playoffs are shaping up and we know the only team that can beat us is ourselves”

3. The Huge Ditkas (5-4)

Chicagoland is buzzing about the Ditkas after they topped 100 points each of the last 2 weeks and Coach Settles thinks they have reason to be excited “Key players such as Alshon and Kamara are hitting on all cylinders right now. Look for us to be even more commanding vs the struggling footlongs in the next game” he said. The Ditkas also welcome back RB Louise Fournette after his one game suspension for missing a team picture.

4. Porch Monkeys (7-2)

If the season ended now the Monkeys would be the 2 seed but the loss of Deshaun Watson is weighing heavy in the locker room. GM Pearcey Poo Wilson thinks that Matty Ice can fill the void left by Deshaun “The pressure is back on Matty Ice, this was his team before and its his team again. We are going to sink or swim based on how he can handle the pressure”. The Monkeys should make the playoffs but face an incredibly hard end to the season with the Cobbs/Killers/3/5rs and Ditkas all coming up.

5. Slobb on My Cobb (5-4)

The Cobbs are hanging on to the final playoff spot by a thread thanks to an ugly 60-47 win over the Touchdowns. “We got lucky this week. Will need better effort next week against the Monkeys” Newly minted Eudora resident Tristan Trupka remarked. The Cobbs running back core has been terrible this year so its going to be on Tyreek, Julio and Dak to lead this team to the playoffs.

6. The Firechefs (5-4)

On the outside of the playoff picture looking in the Firechefs know that time is running out “Our players are aware of the urgency of the playoff situation and know they need to play their hearts out in order to give our fans a playoff birth” Coach Van Kueser said. “At this point we just have to utilize the players we have and play at the best of our ability”. Unfortunately for the Firechefs their players don’t have much ability as they have not scored 100 points during any game this year.

7. Puff Puff Pass (4-5)

GM Puff Meyers was noticeably upset after his loss to the Monkeys last week “We let one slip through our fingers, nobody to blame but the GM” He said “Poor handling of the lineup left a lot of points on the bench. Back to the drawing board for a strong finish to the season”. Luckily for the Puff’s they have what some consider the easiest remaining schedule left with games against the KKK/Deadbeats/Footlongs before finishing the year with the Firechefs. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Puffs end the year at 7-6 with a shot at the playoffs.

8. Zipper Destroyers (4-5)

Despite all his wheeling and dealing at the deadline the Destroyers lost again last week and have been dealing with a lot of drama lately due to AJ and Zeke. “It certainly doesn’t help. AJ is a veteran and leader on this team and we expect more out of him. That ejection was the difference in our game. Doug Baldwin called for a players only meeting this morning to press the urgency that we need to win out” Coach Murphy remarked. The Destroyers have 2 gimmes coming up against the footlongs and deadbeats before taking on the Firechefs and Touchdowns to end the season.

9. I Touchdown There (5-4)

What has gone wrong in the big D?!? After a 5-1 start the Touchdowns have dropped 3 straight and looked dead in the water last week putting up a measley 47 points in a loss to the Cobbs. If that is not bad enough the Touchdown’s next 3 games are against the top 3 teams in the power rankings. Coach Brungy didn’t seem fazed though “We always beat the 3/5rs so that’s one win, all we have to do is pickup another W against the killers/ditkas/destroyers and we are in the playoffs”.

10. Kaibob Kangol Krew (3-6)

The Krew are still fighting and are actually 3-2 over their last 5 games. Look for them to knock off at least one more team before the year is over.

11. Deadbeat Darryls (2-7)

The Darryls have no paid and are free to change their name to whatever they like.

12. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-7)

Is it time for a rebranding to get the stench off after this terrible year?

Week 9 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
#FireBillSnyder

KSFBFFL WEEK 9 POWER RANKINGS

But first a quick summary of the trade deadline and who won each trade as graded by the Media.



Zipper Destroyers have lost their 5th(Cobbs) and 6th(3/5rs) round draft picks in 2018 by betting on the winner of his matchup against those teams. - Matt just lost his mind here. 

The Footlongs have acquired The Monkeys 2nd round pick in 2018 for Mike Gillislee, Chris Thompson and their 6th round pick in 2018.  - McKinney got trade raped 

Footlongs acquire 3/5rs 5th round pick for Brandon cooks and Greg Zuerlein. - Push but slight edge to Stevie

Deadbeats acquire Touchdowns 6th round pick for LeSean McCoy - Touchdowns pulled off a coup here. 

KKK get Killers 5th for Gordon and Fitzgerald. Killers get KKK's 16th - Killers came out on top. 

monkeys trade their 6th and gillislee to KKK for Ingram and KKK's 9th round pick - Ingram has played well but the only reason you made this trade is because you botched the first one so bad. W T F 

KKK trade Jordan Reed to Ditkas for an 8th round pick - Meh, who cares

zippers trade 3rd and 7th for Brees Howard and Graham, get Puffs 12th. - Puffs are still in the hunt and gained 2 high picks next year. Advantage Puffs. 

3/5rs trade their 8th round pick to and Orleans DArkwa to the Deadbeats for LeGarret Blount. - Well now that the Eagles traded for Jay Ajai Legarret Blount is worthless, advantage deadbeats. 


1. Dixieland 3/5rs - (6-2)

Best record in the league. Cutest Coach in the league. Highest point total in the league. Smartest GM in the league. What doesn't this team have?

2. PV Monkeys - (6-2)

Did you know that Pearce stole his team name from the late Harrison Poole? Its true. Look at the standing for the KSFBFFL inaugural season and you will notice that Pearce is not the First Porch Monkeys to play in this league. 

3. Keckism Killers (4-4)

The Killers topped 100 points last week for the first time since week 3. Best backfield in the league. 

4. Zipper Destroyers (4-4)

Always active at the deadline Matt Murphy has pulled off another smattering of deals this year. He better accomplish what he has never accomplished (Win a title) because he only has 3 picks in the first 7 rounds next year. 

5. I touchdown there (5-3) 

A 2 game skid has Coach Brungy sniffing glue again. 

6. The Firechefs (5-3)

They don't deserve to be 5-3 but here they are. GM Justin Van Hecke commented on his lack of moves at the deadline by saying "Plastic surgery doesn't help when your a 4'9 300lb wench"

7. The Huge Ditkas (4-4)

The Ditkas are in the midst of cupcake city. After beating the KKK last week they now play the Deadbeats and then the Footlongs. 

8. Puff Puff Pass (4-4)

The Puffs CRUSHED the Touchdowns last week to keep their season alive. They have another HUGE matchup this week against their archrival, The Monkeys. 

9. Slobb on my Cobb (4-4)

The cobbs are circling the drain out in Falcon Ridge. If the Touchdowns bother to show up this week it could end the Cobbs season for good. 

10. Who Cares

11. Who Cares

12. Deadbeat Darryls (2-5)

PAY YOUR FUCKING DUES. 

Week 7 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

Week 7 KSFBFFL Power Rankings

King of the Castle!

GM Mike Brungy surveys his kingdom

1. Touchdowns (5-1)

Can Anyone stop the Touchdowns? After a week 1 loss to the Monkeys the Touchdowns have rolled off 5 straight wins and have the 3^rd highest Point total. “The guys are just going about their business. As I mentioned before we had a taste of postseason play last year year but didn’t get where we wanted” GM Mike Brungy said, “One game at a time and this week it happens to be the 3-3 Zippers”.  The Touchdowns could be even more dangerous if Stefon Diggs comes back healthy.

2. Raytown 3/5rs (4-2)

After a week of punishment Head Ball Coach Lady is ready to feast on Steak and Bacon all this week. “Its on me, all on me” She said. “GM Ben Keck drafted a hell of a team and its on me to keep them focused and playing hard”. Kirk Cousins lead the team with 27pts last week and new addition J-Rod McKinnon had a breakout game putting up 19 points off 2 touchdowns.

3. PV Monkeys (4-2)

Despite a heartbreaking loss to the 3/5rs last week the Monkeys are sitting pretty at 4-2 and have topped 100 points in each of the last 2 weeks thanks to a recent QB Change. “Matty Ice wasn’t getting the job done, fortunately we have a young sexy stallion with a pringles can in his pants to replace him” Coach McKinney said referencing DeShaun Watson. Another young stallion that had a breakout game last week is Derrick Henry who is finally getting a start this week against the Ditkas.

4. Keckism Killers (3-3)

“They didn’t put together their best effort this weekend” Coach Boo remarked when asked about his squads lackluster performance against the previously 1-4 Krew. The Killers still have the highest point total this year by 3 points but have not topped 100 points since week 3. They should have an easy next 2 weeks against the Deadbeat Darryls and Footlongs but will need some more production out of their Flex spot if they want to take home The Martin.

5. Zipper Destroyers (3-3)

Left for dead after a 1-3 start the Zippers have quietly crept back to .500 and have a huge matchup against the Touchdowns this week. Always a dealer at the deadline GM Matt “Dawg” Murphy is already missing 2 draft picks “Unfortunately we don’t have many picks to deal this year” He said. “I got drunk and reckless. I am no longer handling those responsibilities as I have handed control of future picks over to Emily. We are happy with our Runningbacks and will have Ezekiel back for the Playoffs.” Luckily for the Dawg RB Dougie Fresh Martin looks primed to return to his 2015 form.

6. Puff Puff Pass (3-3)

The Puff’s eeked out a 4 point victory last week despite 0 points from RB Bilal Powell. “That Powell guy is worthless” GM Austin Meyers said “I’m in desperate need of a RB and got my eye on a couple”. If the Puff’s can secure another RB to Pair with Jordan Howard he may have a shot at the Martin. Unfortunately Aaron Rodgers injury could hurt Jordy Nelsons production for the rest of the season.

7. Huge Ditkas (3-3)

The Ditkas spent some time at the top of the power rankings earlier this year but have dropped 2 straight and there are Rumors that they could be throwing in the towel  and playing for next year if they lose 1 more. Leonard Fournette would be 1 player that could command a high draft pick but GM Matt Settle isn’t ready to deal yet “We’ll see. Nothing is set in stone but I have gotten multiple offers for the youngster Fournette”.

8. Slobb On My Cobb (3-3)

A pitiful 56-44 win over the deadbeats last week stopped a 3 game skid but don’t think 2 time Champion Tristan Trupka is throwing in the towel. “We acquired an extra pick easily while in Nashville and may look to cash in on it this year” he said. Unless the dawgs 5^th round pick can buy 2 RB’s and a WR is may just be a wasted cause unless Julio and Tyreek can get healthy.

9. Kaibob Kangol Krew (2-4)

The Krew are riding high on a 2 game winning streak and suddenly find themselves just 1 game out of a playoff spot after their shocking upset of the Killers last week. It was quite an impressive performance indeed as they scored 102 pts despite Aaron Rodgers going down before scoring 1 point. With Rodgers out of the mix it looks like the Krew will be relying on Andy “The Ginger” Dalton to lead them to a playoff spot.

10. The Firechefs (3-3)

Speaking of Gingers the Firechefs put up yet another dud last week in their loss to the Zippers. After 6 weeks of KSFBFFL action the Firechefs have scored above 76pts exactly once and have never broken 100 pts in a week. When asked about possible being a seller at the deadline GM Justin Van Hecke shook it off “We aren’t there yet. We feel good about Adrian Peterson’s revival but unfortunately sat him on the Bench last week. We will see how we perform this week and re-evaluate”. If they do sell LeVeon Bell could bring the biggest bounty in the league.

11. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-4)

The Footlongs are in full fire sale mode after Injuries to OBJ and Dalvin Cook. “The phone has been ringing off the hook, no doubt about it” Coach Murphy said “However we just haven’t connected on an attractive enough offer. I’m optimistic we will get something done before the deadline though”. Look for his Gillislee/Cooks/Thompson to all find new homes before the deadline hits.

12. Deadbeat Darryls (1-5)

No. Casey has not paid his entry fee yet.

Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

Lady and the 3/5r's take over the Top Spot!

3/5'rs Coach Lady Fronts On the Haters

1. Raytown 3/5rs (3-1)

Coach Lady has the 3/5rs rolling on all cylinders right now after a 95-60 beat down of the Cobbs. “We feel real good right now. We are the only team in the league with 3 players who can’t be dropped so we know its all going to be on the MGMT to have a successful season”. Fans in Raytown shouldn’t get to comfortable in the #1 spot as they face a trap game this week against a Puffs squad that led all teams last week with 132 points.

2. Huge Ditkas (3-1)

That was a statement win last week by 2^nd year GM Matt Settles as he dismantled former #1 Keckism Killers behind 20 pts from the Houston D. But will he stick with them this week? “As of now I’m working on some last minute defensive changes so I’m not rooting against the Chiefs” Settles said “The projections for this week don’t scare me, look for the Ditkas to keep rolling against the Zippers”.

3. Keckism Killers (2-2)

The killers have the highest point total in the league at 398 but unfortunately their defense has more holes than swiss cheese. Luckily for the Killers they have 4 games remaining against the 2 worst teams in the league(KKK / Deadbeats)

4. I Touchdown There (3-1)

"The squad is doing great" GM Shannon Gomez said. "Really pleased with how we bounced back from a week 1 loss. Obviously DJ's death hit us hard but the ream has really rallied around him to win 3 straight." The Touchdowns have a challenging match up this week against the Firechefs who finally showed some life last week. 

5. The FireChefs (3-1)

Finally! Some signs of life out of this team with a solid 93 pt win last week but it was not without a loss. "We suffered a big injury last week as our up and coming RB Chris Carson was placed on IR, but like Coach Reid we preach the next man up philosophy" GM Justice VanHeche remarked. 

6. Puff Puff Pass (1-3)

WHAT? The Puff's are this high?!? Led by 2 top 6 Wide receivers in Nelson and Hopkins GM Smokey The Bear was feeling confident after last weeks win "We turned this ship aground! Look for another strong performance this week after putting up a league high 132pts last week" The bear said "The 3/5rs better bring their A game this week!"

7. Slobb On My Cobb (2-2)

Last weeks game on National Television against the 3/5rs ended in a dud as the Cobbs only managed 60 points in a humiliating loss. "Need some better play out of our flex core, really shit down our leg last week" Coach Trupka said. The Cobbs face another tough matchup this week against the Killers. 

8. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-2)

Tough Times in Tampa as star rookie Dalvin Cook had part of his lower leg amputated after a freak wood chopping accident. "We are battered and bruised" Sinnika Murphy said "These next two weeks will determine whether we are buyers or sellers at the deadline" Unfortunately for the Footlongs they don't really have much to sell. 

9. Prairie Village Porch Monkeys (3-1)

When asked to comment on his team GM Pearce Wilson simply responded with a poop emoji.....and he couldn't have said it any better. Despite being 3-1 this team has scored the 3rd fewest points and has been trending downward recently putting up a season low 50 pts last week. 

10. Zipper Destroyers (1-3)

GM Matt Murphy is pulling out all the stops to turn this season around. When asked at his Tuesday Morning press conference about his team he did his best Mike Gundy impression by saying "I'm a man! Come after me! Leave the Kids alone!" Hopefully he can pull himself together to at least trade off some pieces for draft picks. 

11. KKK (0-4)

Its still baseball season in the desert as GM Keane "Front Runner" Horner is now somehow a die hard D-Backs fan. Maybe they can get their first W of the season this week against the Darryls?

12. Deadbeat Darryls (1-3)

The Darryls GM has been placed on the IR but that still does not exempt him from PAYING HIS FUCKING DUES. 

Week 4 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

The Tables Have Turned!

Longtime cellar dweller Jason Stanley may have the Killers on a championship path!

1. Keckism Killer (2-1)

After starting the year 12th in the Power Rankings the Keckism Killers have come charging out of the gate to take the top spot this week. Todd Girly and Devonta Freeman pose the best 1 2 RB punch in the league and the WR's have been good enough to keep lil Danny Amendola Chris Hogan riding the pine for now. The one weakness this team may have is their QB play. They are currently playing Musical Chairs with Eli and Stafford but need to settle on one to keep up their hot start. GM Boo Boo Stanley thinks otherwise "They each bring something to the table and we will continue to play who we think gives us the best chance to win this week". 

2. Slobb On My Cobb (2-1)

2 Time champion (That's 2 times more than Jason) Tristan Trupka has another solid ball club this year scoring over 90 points in each of his first 3 games. If he would of started Demarco Murray last week they would of beat the Ditkas and taken over the top spot in the rankings. Despite lacking elite skill players GM Tristan Trupka may have found an inefficiency in the system to exploit by picking an elite D/ST and K and riding them all season. 

3. Farve Dollar Footlongs (2-1)

While alot of GM's were already rosterbating GM Sven Murphy selected #3 ranked RB Chris Thompson with the 140th pick of the draft. "We knew he had excellent pass catching ability in an offense that uses screens and check downs often." Murphy said "In addition, we anticipated that an unproven backfield led by Rob Kelly and Samaje Perine could give a speedy and athletic youngster like Thompson an opportunity to earn more snaps". Throw in Dalvin Cook/OBJ/Brandin Cooks and this team should make a deep run in the postseason. 

4. Raytown 3/5rs (2-1)

A crushing last second loss to their arch rivals in week 2 could of derailed their season but Coach Lady make sure all of her players were focused for week 3 "I pulled Kareem aside this week and let him know how much we needed him to refocus. Same with Kirk and Gronk, they all responded just as I expected and we kicked the shit out of the Destroyers". Week 4 brings a HUGE matchup against the #2 ranked Cobbs that is sure to have the fans in Raytown on their feet. 

5. I Touchdown There (2-1)

Left for dead after David Johnson died in a freak accident during week 1 the Touchdowns came back to life the past 2 weeks averaging over 100 points per game. Stefon Diggs and Carlos Hyde let the team to a W last week and they face an easy challenge this week against the 0-3 KKK. I reached out to Touchdowns GM Shannon Brungardt to ask how she keeps her team focused during these pushover games "We have had a small taste of what the postseason is like. We didn't accomplish our goal last year and I remind them of that frequently. Our team remains focused each week and takes each game seriously. Any team is capable of beating you on any given day.... THAT IS WHY YOU PLAY THE GAME."

6. Prairie Village Monkeys (3-0)

Despite being the last unbeaten in the KSFBFFL some pundits are saying the Monkeys are nothing but FAKE NEWS,  here at BWKNBNC we tend to agree. A high score of 83 pts after week 3 doesn't bode well for a deep playoff run and Antonio Brown is their only player ranked in the Top 10. GM Pearce McKinley does not seem fazed though "We get it. We have played like shit but we're 3-0, everyone else would kill to be 3-0 right now. We know we have some weaknesses but look for us to address them before the trade deadline" 

7. Huge Ditkas (2-1)

The Ditkas pulled off a huge upset of the Cobbs last week behind an impressive 32pt performance from QB Russel Wilson. Things don't get any easier this week as they take on the #1 ranked Killers but GM Matthew Settles doesn't seem fazed "It will be a tough matchup for sure, but I am confident you will not say anything nice about the keckism killers so regardless of what I say you will come up with a good diss against them! I'm not scared!"

8. Zipper Destroyers (1-2)

Its only week 4 of the KSFBFFL season but the Destroyers have already gambled away their 5th and 6th round picks for next year and are on a 2 game losing streak. If we know 1 thing about Matt "The Dawg" Murphy its that he will not go down without a fight. 

9. The Firechefs (2-1)

Things could be worse off ole Maple Drive but the Firechefs have somehow managed to win 2 games despite averaging less than 60 points a game and his best player is now kneeling for the national anthem. We reached out to GM Justin Van Keuser to see if he planned to shake up his roster to bring some life to his team "As a matter of fact, no. With the way our team has played we more than likely wont win another game this year"

10. Puff Puff Pass (0-3)

The Puffs have 3 top 10 players (Brees/Howard/Watkins) but have gotten off to a terrible start this year and may be looking to make some moves before the trade deadline approaches. "We are embarrassed by our performance and how it reflect on the newest member of our family" GM Austin Stuart said "We are giving it 1 more week, if we dont right this ship I'll be looking for draft picks and rebuilding for 2018". 

11. Kaibob Kangol Krew (0-3)

The Krew seem to be having a hard time adjusting to their new home in the desert of Arizona but have slowly been getting better each week. "Life if pain, in a few weeks it will all be over" GM Keane Cheese remarked. If they can't win next week against the Touchdowns look for Rodgers and Melvin Gordon to elicit a frenzy of trade offers before the end of the year. 

12. Pay Your God Dam Entry Fee (0-3)

It could be a down year for the reigning KSFBFFL champion Casey Wayne Walker as he recovers from a bulged disc in his back. "Its the worst thing. Imagine all day non stop no matter if you sit, stand r lay all you can feel is a sharp pain that throbs down your back down the leg to your ankle". Tough sledding for ole Wayne Walker, we can only hope he is treasuring his remaining moments with The Martin. 

Week 1 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of God's Country

K-States Finest Bro's Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings. 

(Three Fifthers superfan Carrie Underwood get the crowd hyped)

1. My Lucky Tates 

To be the champ you have to beat the champ. Few people expected much out of the Tates last year but coach Casey Wayne Walker pulled off a late season stretch that culminated with him raising The Martin above his head. Despite trading a couple of draft picks and picking at the end of the 1st round the Tates look surprisingly formidable this year. With 7 of 9 starters ranked in the Top 10 of their position the Tates could go BACK to BACK. 

2. Kaibab Kangol Krew

After making the postseason his first 5 years former KSFBFFL Champion Keene Cheese has decided to relocate his Franchise to the sandy shores of Arizona after missing the playoffs 2 of the past 3 years. When asked about his team this year....well I'll just let you read it. 

Mark him down for a 10-3 season with a first round bye. 

3. Raytown 3/5rs

2016 was a bounce back year for the 3/5rs as they found a welcoming home in the bustling metropolis of Raytown. While the season ended in a semifinal loss the 2017 3/5rs welcome back Michael Evans, Kirk Cousins, and Ameer Addullah to a star studded roster. "I'm real proud of what we accomplished last year but at the end of the day we didn't achieve the goal we set for ourselves" GM Ben Ji said. "We decided to let Matt Ryan enter Free Agency after his super bowl meltdown and look forward to seeing what Kirk Cousins can do with the keys to the car"

4. Slobb on My Cobb

Before last year The Martin had resided in KCMO for 2 consecutive years as the Cobb's started a Mini Dynasty. The Cobbs came crashing down to reality in 2016 with a 2-11 record but some owners were whispering that GM Tuck Tuck was playing 3D chess and tanking the season for the #1 Pick. "We had some technical difficulties before the draft but I'd say everything went as planned"Tuck said. "Look for big years out of Tyreek and CJ as they plan on running wild against the AFC West". 

5. Puff Puff Pass  

Loaded with draft picks the Pass's will look to come out swinging for the fences in 2017. Led by Super Studly Jordy Nelson and ageless Wonder Drew Brees the Puff Puff's should put up some points this year.  A tough week 1 match up against 2 time champ Slobb On My Cobb will be a good litmus test for how far this squad can go this year. 

6. Zipper Destroyers 

Newly minted Texan Matt Murphy felt good about his draft saying “I think we did well on draft day. You can always do better and there were a few that slipped through our fingers but we scouted and targeted each draftee knowing they would be a good fit”. Unfortunately the only place his roster fits is in a Jail Cell with Zeke and the Muscle Hamster both starting the year out on suspension. While he waits for those players to be released from Jail he will be relying on another former criminal who just got out, Joe Mixon, and old timer Frank Gore. “Joe is a youngster with plenty of upside” the Al Davis of the KSFBFFL said, “And Frank, well you know what you’re gonna get with Frank and it is a solid interim fit that provides veteran leadership”.

7. I Touchdown There

The Touchdowns had a breakout season in 2016 scoring the most overall points and making the playoffs for the first time since their inaugural season in 2012. David Johnson returns for another year and GM Mike Gomez plans to build the team around him "Draft day went great! Really please with the group we got to put around DJ". When asked about how he intends to follow up last years performance he responded "I believe our team has a great opportunity to make a deep run this year. Gonna be a long season, we will have to weather the injuries and all that comes with playing 16 games. Touchdowns are taking home the trophy!"

8. The Firechefs

Former Champ Justin Van Heche fell 1 game short last year and seems a little deflated this year saying “Eh, I feel pretty shitty about my team”. “My season boils down to Marcus Mariota having a breakout year along with an old man (Adrian Peterson) and a fat man (Eddie Lacey)” he continued. Here at BWKNBNC we feel that if 2 of those 3 can have top 10 seasons to go along with LeVeontric Bell and Travis Kelce the Firechefs will be sitting pretty in December.

9. PV Monkeys

Pearce “Andre” McKinney had a rough draft day when he spent his 8^th round pick on Cameron Merideth who had torn his ACL earlier in the day “Fortunately we had some extra picks” he said. Those extra picks did land him Matt Ryan who will enjoy slinging the ball around to Antonio Brown this year and Mckinney says to keep an eye out for the white guy “We think Mr Christian McCaffrey will be a breakout rookie. He’s got a great bloodline and we have him penciled into the starting role in a strong offense”.

10. Farve Dollar Footlongs 

With no 4^th round pick this year GM Sven Murphy had to reach for some young guys with Potential but will rely on 2 top 10 receivers from last year (Cooks and Beckham). “Look for big numbers out of our “Core Four” – Including what we are calling “The law Firm” in Cook & Cooks who along with Beckham and TE Hunter Henry” he proclaimed. It’s hard to doubt the most successful Fantasy GM in the History of the KSFBFFL but with the current lineup just making the playoffs would be a successful season.

11. Huge Ditkas

"I learned a-lot in my First Season as a KSFBFFL Owner" Second Year GM Matthew Settles remarked. "Like, did you know that longer field goals are worth more points??! I spent the first 6 weeks thinking ESPN was making an error and didn't want to tell anyone and lose the extra points". Despite this rudimentary understanding of the game Settles led the Ditkas to an 8-5 record last year and a playoff berth. When Russell Wilson is the highest ranked position player on your team you can expect some regression in 2017. 

12. Keckism Killers

It was a rough year last year and the Killers of Keckism are feeling the heat from their fans after a dismal 5-8 season. "I mean, we just aren't very good even though we try hard" SuperFan Gene from Moline(IL) said. "I've been a die-hard since that Magical year back in 2014 when we went 11-2 but the last 2 years have been pure and utter shit". With disappointing RB Todd Girly back on the Roster and a 38 year Old Marshawn Lynch suiting up don't expect tears of Joy to be streaming from Gene's eyes anytime soon. 

2017 KSFBFFL Preview

Ben Ji

140 Miles East of Gods Country

2017 KSFBFFL Preview

With the KSFBFFL season right around the corner each owner is preparing in their own unique way. Sven Murphy decided to take his mind off the Pressure of his upcoming season with a quick getaway to Mexico while his brother Matt Murphy has been grinding away for the past month. “I’ve got 4 mock drafts under my belt already” a red eyed Matt Murphy said, “Been watching a lot of hard knocks and been reading up on the standard draft previews. I end each day with 5 minutes of meditation envisioning myself accepting the Martin from the commish”

While the dawg is hard at work other owners are less than concerned. “Nothing, I’ve didn’t even know the draft was this week” said 2 time champion Tristy Trupka. Relative newcomer Matt Settles seems to embraced this approach a well describing his draft prep as “Using my gut instinct to get me to the top”. Reigning Champion Casey Wayne Walker simply said “My animal spirit is a squirrel”.

Fresh off a breakthrough season Touchdowns GM Mike Gomez is still evaluating the field “We have some guys that we feel confident would benefit the Touchdowns this year, we just need to draft them. We will continue to evaluate our situation and are hoping for big things this year”.

The Pounders recent move to the desert of Arizona has left them little time for draft prep, instead they are searching for a new identity to match their new market. May I suggest a name change to the “Bad Hombres”? 3/5r’s GM Lady went through a similar situation last year with a move to Raytown but is completely focused on the draft this year. “I can’t use the internet very well due to my lack of opposable thumbs” she remarked “Luckily Ben Ji has been nice enough to leave a couple preview magazines in my kennel”.

Last but not least Killer’s GM Boo Boo Stanley simply plans to keep “Drinking heavily anytime fantasy football is mentioned because we can’t win, we are cursed”.

Anonymous predictions from fellow GM’s.

“There are a lot of good teams in the league. Obviously I like our chances but if I had to choose another team that could compete for the title I would say the Firechefs look like a team who could rack up a lot of W’s this year”

“I think Benji could resurrect his football franchise this year”

“McKinney has been a bridesmaid multiple times, he is due”

“Keep an eye on the fighting Gomez’s. If Brungy cedes complete control to Shannon they could be a force in the league”

“The Tide may turn for the Killers”

“It’s hard to look past the owners who’ve already got a title to their name, but I do think maybe 2017 is McKinney’s year”

“It’s a jump ball but CW and Steve always tend to contend during football season. Tristan is always a sneaky sleeper pick and the others just kind of ebb and flow”

“Tristy Linville is poised for a much needed comeback this year”

“The 2 time Champion Cobbs have an extra 4^th round pick. Keep an eye on them!”

“My Animal Spirit is a squirrel”

BONUS FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING SECTION

“Anything not spicy and without olives” – Killers GM Boo Boo Stanley

“Sausage and Mushroom” –  Footlong GM Sven Murphy

“Saw-Seige” - Cobbs GM Tristy Trupka

“Have to go with Peperoni and Mushroom” – Touchdowns GM Mike Gomez

“My animal spirit is a squirrel” – Reigning Champion Tate’s GM Casey Wayne Walker

“Peperoni and Japs” – 3/5r’s GM Ben Ji

“Pizza Topping are like Fantasy football selections. No One topping alone is going to get it done. It takes a good mix to balance out the finished product. Sausage(spicy), Jalapeno, mushroom, red bell pepper and a layer of pepperjack cheese” – Destroyers GM Matt Murphy

“Anything but olives and anchovies” – Pounders GM Keane Cheese

“Peppppppppporoni” – Ditkas GM Matt Settles

“Italian sausage and Jalapeno peppers” – Monkeys GM Pearce McKinley