2013 KSFBFFL Championship Game Preview

Ben Ji
135 Miles East of Gods Country

KSFBFFL Championship Preview

The Firechefs (11-2) vs PV Porch Monkeys (9-4)

This is it folks! The big Mama Jama! The KSFBFFL season all comes down to this match up of two teams desperate for their First Title. Gone are the Keckism Killers, the Taints have limped home to lick their wounds, the 3/5rs have already cleaned out every one's lockers and stopped returning phone calls. The only two teams that matter are playing today and BOY OH GOLLY it should be a Classic Matchup!

The Firechef's have been the early favorites since putting up 165 points in week one. Their powerful offense is led by Cyborg Manning and his stable of targets including Megatron, Ashley Jeffries, Reggie Bush and Andre Johnson. With a victory over the Monkeys the Chef's will solidify their squad as one the greatest teams in the history of the KSFBFFL.

The PV Porch Monkeys season has been a story of Redemption. Nothing in GM Pearce McKinleys past showed anything like this was possible, its really been quite the Cinderella season for ole pearcy poo. After the draft the Monkeys were predicted to finish in last place by numerous media outlet's including BWKNBNC and surely their season would come crashing down when QB Aaron Rogers got hurt? Nope, Alex Smith has stepped in nicely to fill the void and keep the dream season going.

Before we get to the BWKNBNC Prediction lets see what other GM's around the league have to say. 

"I have the go with the Firechef's. They have the most impressive resume of any team" -Terrible interviewer Steve Murphy

"Firechef's. I had the privilege of sitting next to their GM at the well for a meal the other night. I can't disclose the exact conversation but he seemed more confident and his chicken Ceaser salad showed me a healthy gm with the drive to win it all." -Matt Murphy

"I'll go with the monkeys. Abu is well rested and gronk is out, jimmy graham had 2 points last week. I think he has a big game next week and the tight end position makes a difference." -Jason Stanley

"Firechefs by a mile and that is no slight to the porch monkeys. The firechefs lineup is simply overwheling and GM C.W. has put together a championship caliber team and overcome challenges cush as the tickle monster and his crotch quite literally being on fire. I'm looking forward to welcoming him into the championship fraternity" Chamionship GM Keane Cheese


BWKNBNC Breakdown-

	Firechefs		Monkeys
Projected	133	x	116
Last Wk	88		103	x
Avg	115	x	100
5 week high	113		121	x
5 week low	71		88	x
Total		2		3

Wow! Not what we were expecting?!? The BWKNBNC Formula is actually predicting a 108-97 Victory for the Monkeys.

Mark it down, by 9pm tonight GM Pearce McKinley will be sipping a cold beverage out of The Martin. We asked ole Pearce Pearce how he plans to celebrate his champion ship.."The Porch Monkeys will be celebrating with fried chicken, watermelon and Colt .45's for all"

Week 11 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
130 Miles East of God's Country

The Keckism Killers were expected to cruise through the rest of their weak schedule but GM Mike Gomez would have none of it saying "We believe...We believe that we....WE BELIEVE that we will....WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN, WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN OUT AND MAKE THE PLAYOFFS AND KEEP ON WINNING UNTIL I'M HAVING A THREESOME WITH MY WIFE AND THE MARTIN"


With the playoffs starting in 3 weeks anything is possible as the KSFBFFL standings have been thrown into disarray. The only constant so far this season has been the Firechefs just straight up slaughtering peeps.


Lets take a look at how the playoff picture shakes out.

Locks

1. The Firechefs, 9-1

For the first time since week 4 the Firechefs did not have the highest scoring team in the league. Despite 27 points from Peyton and 20 points from Megatron the Firechefs were barely able to put up 112 points to squeak out a victory over the Porch Monkeys. If GM Brooke Van Heche had not picked up the Giants D the firechefs may have lost. 

Remaining Schedule-

• Raw Dawg, 3-7
• 50 Shades of Taint, 7-3
• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-8

Predicted Finish- 12-1

Safe

2.Team McKinney, 6-4

The Porch Monkeys put up a valiant effort against the Firechefs last week but came up short by 12 points. QB Christian Ponder had a sub par effort last week and will be replaced by Alex Smith. If the Monkeys want to make some noise in the Playoffs they had better hope Aaron Rogers returns soon and that their running backs start producing.

Remaining Schedule-

• I Touchdown There, 4-6
• Costa Concordia Disaster, 5-5
• Keckism Killers, 5-5

Predicted Finish- 9-4

3. 50 Shades of Taint, 7-3

Whats wrong down at Quality Hill? The Taints started the year on a tear and were once seen as the only team that may be able to challenge the Firechefs but things have taken a turn for the worse including a pitiful 69 point performance last week. Romo needs to step up his game(9 points last week, barf) and Stevie will need more production from his WR's(6 combined points) if he wants to be a serious contender. 

Remaining Schedule-

• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-8
• The Firechefs, 9-1
• Puff Puff Pass, 5-5

Predicted Finish- 9-4

Clusterfuck

4.Dixieland Three Fifthers, 5-5

The highest scoring team last week, the 3/5r's are on another 2 game winning steak thanks to some studly performances by Brandon Marshall(25 points) and Marshawn Lynch(21). They should be favored in every game from here on out and could contend for a 3 seed if they win out.  

Remaining Games

• Puff Puff Pass, 5-5
• Polygamy Pounders, 5-5
• I Touchdown There, 4-6

Predicted Finish- 8-5 

5. Keckism Killers, 5-5

Two weeks ago BWKNBNC predicted the Killers would go on a tear the rest of the year and lock up a 3 seed....Two straight losses have changed alot and what looked to a a cakewalk has now turned into a elephant walk.  

Remaining Schedule- 

• Costa Concordia Disaster, 5-5
• Johnny Footballs, 4-6
• Team McKinney, 6-4

Predicted Finish- 7-6

6. Polygamy Pounders, 5-5

The 62 points the Pounder's put up last week won't cut it if they are serious about contending for a playoff spot. This team is made up of Boom or Bust players and need some more consistent performers. Look for a rebound this weekend against the struggling Footballs. 

Remaining Schedule

• Johnny Footalls, 4-6
• Dixieland 3/5r's, 5-5
• Raw Dawg, 3-7

Predicted Finish- 7-6 

7. Costa Concordia Disaster, 5-5

What an exciting game last week(FLUSHES THE TOILET)! Seriously, has a team ever had a worse win? This team has substantially less points scored than all the other 5-5 teams and will need to win at least 2/3 to have a chance at the playoffs....One side note, if GM Wayne Walker had not traded for Demarco Murray he would of lost last week and pretty much been eliminated from the playoffs. 

Remaining Games

• Keckism Killers, 5-5
• Team McKinney, 6-4
• Johnny Footballs, 4-6

Predicted Finish-6-7

8. Puff Puff Pass, 5-5

This team is ranked this high on W/L record alone and after scoring 44 points last week I dont feel like wasting any time writing about them. 

Remaining Games

• Dixieland Three Fifthers, 5-5
• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-8
• 50 Shades of Taint, 7-3

Predicted Finish - 6-7

Lose and They are out

9/10. I Touchdown There, Johnny Footballs- 4-6

The Touchdowns shocked the world last week putting up 112 points while taking down the Killers. If either of these teams hope to make the playoffs they had better win out and hope everyone else loses. 


Projected Playoff Bracket



                               
                                           1. Firechefs


                                          _____________
4. Dixieland Three Fifthers---l
                                          l
5. Keckism Killers-------------l



3. 50 Shades of Taint--------l
                                        l
6. Polygamy Pounders-------l
                                         _________________
    

                                         2. PV Porch Monkeys
                                       

Blurbs and Blubs

Ben Ji
132 Miles East of Gods Country

BLURBS AND BLUBS

NOT SO FAST!!!

• Everyone was quick to write the Touchdowns off but GM Mike Gomez kept slaving away down in Texas and it paid off. Great call to start Nick Folds over Matt Ryan.
• Remember when the Taints were a shoe-in for the 2 seed and a first round bye? Not anymore. 
• All the pundits who assumed the Keckism Killers were a lock for the playoffs have to be questioning their sanity. The "weak" remaining schedule suddenly looks alot more daunting after 2 straight losses. 
• The 3/5r's and Disasters both had huge victories this week and have thrown the playoff picture into disarray. 

WASTED CHANCES

• The Pounder's of Salt Lake pulled a double whammy this weekend. They had a chance to effectively eliminate the Disasters from playoff contention while almost assuredly securing themselves a playoff spot....But they fucked it up by losing in a ugly, ugly, ugly, uuuugggggglllllyyyyyyy game.
• The PV Porch Monkeys had a chance to show they are a legit title contender but fell short against the Firechefs. Had they won they would of been in the driver seat for the #2 seed. 
• Is Puff Puff Pass GM Austin Meyers still checking in? His Team seems to have laser focus one week(110 points) and shitty grandma focus the next(44 points this week).  

Who Cares

• I think the Dawgs beat Harri or something. 

Week 9 Playoff Preview

Ben Ji
130 Miles East of God's Country

The Stove Is Hot!!!

With the trade deadline less than 4 hours away the league has separated into two distinct groups...Buyers and Sellers. 

The Dixieland Three Fifthers started things out by sending Julius Thomas and their 2nd round pick in 2014 to the West Canaan Coyotes in exchange for Marshawn Lynch. 

Things really heated up on Monday when GM Sven Murphy decided to add another elite back by acquiring Knowshoe Moreno for Giovanni Bernard and the Taints 4th round pick in 2014.

Not to be outdone, the Costa Concordia Disasters went on a buying spree sending Brian Hartline and 4th round pick to the Johnny Footballs in exchange for WR Josh Gordon. Less than 30 minutes later GM Wayne Walker struck another deal to send Julian Edelman and a 5th round pick to the Coyotes in exchange for the currently injured Demarco Murray. 

Its pretty clear we only have 8 teams that are still in the running as the Coyotes, Touchdowns, Dawgs and Footballs have all started rebuilding for next year. 

Lets break these 8 teams down into 3 separate groups

Locks

1. The Firechefs, 7-1

The Firechefs are the class of the league and should cruise to the #1 seed in the playoffs. 

Remaining Schedule-

• Keckism Killers, 5-3
• Team Mckinney, 5-3
• Raw Dawg, 2-6
• 50 Shades of Taint, 6-2
• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-6

Predicted Finish- 11-2

2. 50 Shades of Taint, 6-2

With the recent addition of Knowshoe Moreno GM Sven Murphy believes a repeat is a given "Book it, in fact we have already booked the Martin a trip to Paris next Spring"

Remaining Schedule-

• Johnny Footalls, 3-5
• Dixieland 3/5r's, 3-5
• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-6
• The Firechefs, 7-1
• Puff Puff Pass, 4-4

Predicted Finish- 10-3

Safe

3. Team McKinney, 5-3

Team McKinney is happy with their team and have decided not to acquire anyone before the deadline. 

Remaining Schedule-

• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-6
• The Firechefs, 7-1
• I Touchdown There, 3-5
• Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-4
• Keckism Killers, 5-3

Predicted Finish- 8-5

4. Keckism Killers, 5-3

The Killers GM Jason Stanley enjoyed a quick getaway to mexico as his team cruised to an easy W over the Coyote and should continue to cruise against an easy schedule. His team still does have some holes and some media members are wondering if his absence at the trade deadline may end up hurting his team in the playoffs.  

Remaining Schedule- 

• Firechefs, 7-1
• I Touchdown There, 3-5
• Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-4
• Johnny Footballs, 3-5
• Team McKinney, 5-3

Predicted Finish- 9-4

Danger Zone

5. Polygamy Pounders, 4-4

The Pounders may not face another above .500 team this year, look for them to keep putting up steady point totals from 80-100 every week. 

Remaining Schedule

• I Touchdown There, 3-5
• Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-4
• Johnny Footalls, 3-5
• Dixieland 3/5r's, 3-5
• Raw Dawg, 2-6

Predicted Finish- 7-6

6. Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-4

The Disasters have mortgaged the farm but what did they really get for their 4th and 5th round picks next year? A Promising RB with injury problems who is currently injured? The best WR on a turrible team? To make things worse their schedule is about to get alot harder. 

Remaining Games

• Puff Puff Pass, 4-4
• Polygamy Pounders, 4-4
• Keckism Killers, 5-3
• Team McKinney, 5-3
• Johnny Footballs, 3-5

Predicted Finish- 6-7

7. Puff Puff Pass, 4-4

The Puff's only put up 51 points last week in their win over the Touchdowns. Rumors have it that if the Puff's miss the playoffs they could relocate to a new city. 

Remaining Games

• Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-4
• Johnny Footballs, 3-5
• Dixieland Three Fifthers, 3-5
• West Canaan Coyotes, 2-6
• 50 Shades of Taint, 6-2

Predicted Finish - 6-7

8. Dixieland Three Fifthers, 3-5

The only 3-5 team to still be considered a contender, the three fifthers have had the most points scored against them so far this year. Their recent addition of Marshawn Lynch should help them climb up the standings thanks to a weak schedule. 

Remaining Games

• Raw Dawg, 2-6
• 50 Shades of Taint, 6-2
• Puff Puff Pass, 4-4
• Polygamy Pounders, 4-4
• I Touchdown There, 2-6

Predicted Finish- 7-6

Your Projected Playoff Bracket

                                                      1. The Firechefs, 11-2

                                                                                         

5. Polygamy Pounders, 7-6 -------                                                                              

                                                 >>>>  _______________

4. Team McKinney, 8-5 -----------

                                                     

6. Dixieland 3/5rs, 7-6----------

                                            >>>>>>>________________

3. Keckism Killers, 9-4----------

                                                                                                

                                                       2. 50 Shades of Taint, 10-3

Mid Season Report

Steve Murphy
Kansas City, MO

Mid-season Report

Best Team: Fire Chiefs

Boasting a league-leading 804 total points has led GM Justin VanHecke’s squad to an impressive 6-1 record. This star-studded unit is led by veterans Peyton Manthing and former Taint’s star wide-out, Calvin Johnson. With the recent return of STUD Rob Gronkowski, there is no sign of the Fire Chiefs slowing down. Prediction: finish with a 10-3 record and lose in the title game.

Best Player: Peyton Manthing

There is no argument here as  the 37 year old future Hall of Famer is averaging an astounding 27.6 points per game. He has scored at least 20 points in 6 of 7 games so far this season. GM Justin Kueser has found himself replacing his knee pads each and every week amid Peyton’s success. Prediction: Manning gets hemorrhoids in week 16 forcing the title to slip out of Justie’s hands.

Most Productive Player: Jamaal Charles

GM Wayne Walker is thrilled with his 2^nd overall pick thus far (who was passed by Ben Keck for Trent Richardson LOLERZ). Charles leads all RBs with 127 total points (18.1 avg), including 15 or more in EVERY game this season. Although Jamaal’s success has facilitated a nice little 4-3 start for Costa Concordia Disaster, rumor is that teammates are still pissed at him for impregnating Jovan Belcher’s girlfriend. Prediction: Charles gets stabbed in the locker room showers after week 10.

Best Defense: Kansas City Chiefs

Nope, that’s not a typo. Your hometown team has the best defense in the NFL. The Chiefs’ D has been ridiculously productive this year forcing 19 turnovers, 35 sacks, and 5 TDs. Prediction: Accumulation of turnovers and sacks slows down, but they hold the #1 defensive rank all season long.

Rookie Sensation: Gio Bernard

Credit GM, Sven Murphy, of the Taints for snagging this youngster in the 5^th round of the draft. Although his number aren’t eye-popping (9.1 ppg), the rookie out of North Carolina has a promising future and has been the most impressive rookie this season. Prediction: Bernard’s workload increases as does production in the flex position for the Taints as they look to bring yet another trophy to “Titletown”.

Steal of the Draft: Phyllis Rivers and Chiefs D

It was hard to ignore the value that these two have brought to their respective teams. Rivers was drafted in the 14^th round (161^st overall) while he ranks as the 3^rd best QB at 19.1 ppg so far this season. Although he has played for two teams (Keckism Killers traded him to The Dawgs), Phyllis has had no problem learning each new offense. As for the Chiefs D (also picked in the 14^th round) , see BEST DEFENSE.

Pick-up of the Year: Julius Thomas

As Peyton’s go-to red zone target, Thomas was a hot commodity after week 1. Thanks to a despicable week 1 performance, playboy GM Pearce Pearce McKinney was able to claim the third year tight end. The Fighting McKinneys already had STUD TE Jimmy Graham, so Thomas was quickly wrapped in stink bait and thrown into the Missouruh river. GM Ben Keck nabbed the promising TE for Freddy Jackson. Prediction: Thomas remains a top 5 TE all year long.

Best Turnaround: Costa Concordia Disaster

After a disappointing 4-9 2012 season, GM Wayne Walker has been the best turnaround story so far in this young season at 4-3. Much credit is given to the Disaster’s GM for trading Aaron Rodgers to the Taints last year for a 3^rd round pick in the 2013 draft. It’s paying early dividends as this team is poised to make its first ever playoff appearance. Predcition: A matchup versus the Fighting McKinney’s in week 12 decides a final playoff spot.

Biggest Disappointment: Raw Dawg

GM Matt Murphy’s storied franchise is in danger of missing the playoffs for the first time ever after feeble 2-5 start. This squad may look good on paper, but they can’t seem to put together a winning formula. Problem #1: drafting MJD…WOOF! (pun intended- see what I did there). Prediction: The Dawgs finish 6-7 and watch the playoffs from their luxury kennel.

First Round Bust: Trent Richardson/Steven Jackson

Taken #1 overall by GM Ben Keck in this year’s draft, the Alabama product is the 26^th ranked RB averaging just 6.6 points per game. When asked about why he passed on prospective #1 overall RB Jamaal Charles, GM Ben Keck stated that he spent more time on his lawn this summer than preparing for the draft. Steven Jackson is also an obvious first round BUST. Playing in just 2 games this year (14 carries), Jackson was a horrific draft choice by GM Scott Pioli (Brungy).

Show us your tiiiiiiiiiits!

Your Commish,

Sven Murphy

Week 8 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles east of God's Country

SPECIAL FIGHTING KSU WILD WILDCAT CAT EDITION

1. The FireChefs, 6-1

Daniel Sams

Much like Daniel Sams these FireChefs are unstoppable and can only get better.

2. Team Mckinney, 4-3

Tyler Lockett

Despite being undersized Team McKinney has a knack for making things count once he steps on the field. 

3. 50 Shades of Taint, 5-2

Ty Zimmerman

The Taints ruled the field last year but both have kind of sucked so far this year. 

4. Polygamy Pounders, 4-3

Ryan Mueller

When you look at this team on paper they don't appear very intimidating but they leave no questions unanswered when they take the pitch. 

5. Keckism Killers, 4-3

Tramaine Thompson

Tramaine Thompson has showed alot of Promise in his career but can never quite manage to reach "Star" status....much like The Keckism Killers

6. Costa Concordia Disaster, 4-3

Jake Waters

The Disasters entered the year with alot of Promise but have failed to live up to their hype.

7. Dixieland Three Fifters, 3-4. 

Tre Walker

Every 3 weeks the Three Fifthers will do something to make you say "WOW"....and then they will disappear for 3 weeks. 

8. Puff Puff Pass, 3-4

John Hubert

The Puff's have flown under the radar this year but something tells me they might be making a big splash this weekend. 

9. Raw Dawgs, 2-5

Kyle Klein

The Dawgs have never missed the playoffs but sometime's great lineage can produce a dud. 

10. West Canaan Coyotes, 2-5

Highstepper Cat (Cody Cook)

The Coyotes will never play a meaningful game but they can certainly dance!

11. Johnny Footballs, 2-5

"The Mask"

The footballs are a big ole bag of FAILE.

12. I Touchdown There, 3-4

EMAW Girl

Kinda boorish and angry.....nothing a few beers couldn't fix

Week 7 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

Van Heche Named GM of the Month

Firechef's GM Justin Van Heche poses in his kitchen with an random groupie

Firechef GM Justin Van Heche has been Named GM of the Month by the BWKNBNC after his sensational start to the year. The Firechef's are on a record setting pace and currently the HEAVY favorite in Vegas to win the WHOLE DAM THING. 

Are they really that great you may ask? 

They are. In fact they have put up video game stats so far this year

• 165 Point score in week 1, 35 points higher than the next best total(130 By the Taints)
• Averaging 115 points per game
• Scored over 100 points in 4 out of 6 weeks. 
• In their only loss they scored 82 points and lost by one.

We caught up with GM Justin Van Heche after work and asked him a couple of questions. 

Did you think your team would be this good after the draft?

"I think every owner believes their team is great after the draft, however I did not think we were going to have this much success early in the season"

Your only loss was by 1 point to the lowly Footballs. What happened that Game?

"Peyton Fumbled, its as simple as that. While we do appreciate what he has done for us this season that fumble fucked us in the ass. HARD"

Interesting. Now obviously Peyton is the most important person on the team, but what other player could you least afford to lose to the Injury Bug?

"Reggie Bush. He has been NAILS this year but with his injury history another one is very possible."

Will the Firechefs lose again this year?

"Yes, we will lose again this year but it won't be to those lowly Matt Millen Scum"

 STUDS

1. Firechefs, 5-1-

Peyton put up a season low 13 points and they still scored 120. They are the undisputed #1 team, what more is there to say?

DUDS

2. 50 Shades of Taint, 4-2

The Taint's fell flat on their face last week in their Prime Time match up against the Firechefs putting up a pitiful 77 points. If Tony Romo and Adrian Peterson keep scoring in the single digits they may take a tumble down the rankings. We reached out to GM Sven Murphy earlier today and he had this comment "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"

3. Team McKinney, 3-3

What looked like a close match up against the Mothers turned into a sleepwalk as the McKinney's notched the W. Sven Ridley had a breakout week scoring 22 points but last weeks stars Jimmy Grahm(0 points) and Fred Jackson(4 points) need to get back on track. Grahm will be out this week on a BYE but GM Blouse McKinley is not worried 

"Next man up. We won without much contribution from Mr. Ridley the previous weeks. He is aback and ready to fulfill his keeper potential."

4. Dixieland 3/5rs, 3-3

The Dixieland Three Fifthers continue their climb out of the cellar on the back of their STUDLY WR core of Desean Jackson(18 points) and Brandon Marshall(20 points) who caught a couple of Bombs from Matthew Stafford(23 Points). This team has increased their point total every week and have some experts asking "How high can this team climb?"

5. Polyagmy Pounders, 3-3

Last weeks loss can be placed soley on the shoulders of Darren Sproles, Dez Bryant and Jason Witten who combined for 11 points after scoring a combined 48 points the week before. This is a solid team that could beat anyone if you catch them on a good week. We asked GM Keane Horner about his teams upcoming matchup with the reeling Coyotes

"Normally I would be worried about the team overlooking the reeling and hapless coyotes, but after letting a winnable game slip the focus has never been more intense. The addition of Eddie Lacy could not have come at a better time with Sproles on a BYE. Lacy also now gives the team three solid options at RB and move Demarius Moore from a permanent flex player to a legit contender for one of the WR slots In short we have more RB/WR options than we do slots, time to nut up or shut up"

6. DezRespect Your Mother, 3-3

What is wrong out in Blue Springs? A 2 game skid has the Mothers sinking and questioning the depth of their roster. RB Jamal Charles scored 24 points last week but was the only player in double digits. 

7. Raw Dawgs, 2-4

The Red Hot Dawgs take on the Mothers next week after scoring 114 points last week. His Running back core looks better every week putting up a combined 60 points. We caught up with the head dog himself today lapping some water out of a fountain and asked him about his upcoming matchup against the Mothers. 

"They may have Charles but have you seen their recieving core? Embarassing. Bunch of special team caliber fill ins. My projected 130 points this week is all you need to know. How we prep in the Dawg Pound stays in the Dawg Pound"

8. Puff Puff Pass, 3-3

Things are looking up on Quality hill after a 22 point victory over the Coyotes. Tom Brady has struggled so far this year but Vernon Davis has picked up the slack scoring 47 points the past 2 weeks. 

9. Matt Millen is My GM, 3-3

Will the Millens go another year without a playoff victory? Their squad has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of weeks and only scored 68 points last week.The Millens face a do or die game this week against the 3/5rs without their star QB Drew Brees who has a BYE week.

PUDS

10. Johnny Footballs, 2-4

The Footballs showed some life last week putting up 87 points but this team is still too reliant on Cam Newton(30 points last week) to emerge as a true playoff contender. 

11. West Caanan Coyotes, 2-4

Is GM Harrison Poole already giving up on the season? Anytime a Ginger is your leading scorer your team has serious issues. 

12. I Touchdown There, 3-3

The Touchdowns 3-3 record can be deceiving because GM Mike Gomez has completely gutted his team by trading Keeper RB CJ Spiller for "Backup Bernard Peirce" and then trading the packer's starting RB Eddie Lacy to the Pounders for Alex Smith who sccored 7 points in what will likely be his only start of the season. 

Blurbs and Blubs

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of Gods Country

What to Watch for Tonight-

• The Mother's/McKinney game will be decided on the field tonight as GM Pearce McKinley hopes his teams 25 point lead with Danny Woodhead will be enough to hold off the Mothers.
• GM Casey Wayne and the Mothers will need around 35 points from Luck, Hinton and the Colts D if they want the W. 
• Can Trent Richardson get his groove back? This will be his 3rd game with his new team and the 3/5r's are expecting some immediate returns after spending a 1st round pick on the under-preforming RB.

Freeeee Falllliiiiinnnnnnngggggg

• Touchdown's GM Mike Gomez is having a season he would like to forget. After starting the year 3-1 with an average of 95ppg the Touchdowns have scored 69 and 52 the past Two weeks thanks to some questionable trades. You just can't trade CJ Spiller and Eddie Lacy for Bernard Pierce and Alex Smith without your team getting considerably worse.
• Is it time to Panic on 73rd ter? The Fighting Matt Millens are dealing with a rash of injuries and put up a measley 68 points this week. 
• Speaking of 73rd terrace the West Canaan Coyotes may be entering fire sale mode soon after a 52 point showing last week. 
• Will Tom Brady get his act together? His poor play is single handily holding the Puffs back. 

Shooting Stars

• The Dawgs are out for blood after a dissapointing 0-4 start. After skull fucking the previously undefeated Taints they come out and just embarrass the Touchdowns. GM Matt Murphy is a believer "WOOOO, Dont sleep on us! We have the talent to compete AND win"
• Knowshoe Marino cemented himself as a top 10 running back with a 28 point performance for the dawgs. 
• The Johnny Footballs notched a W this week on the back of Cam Newton's 30 points. 
• The Puff's and  Dixieland 3/5r's have worked their way back to .500 after dissapointing 1-3 starts. The 3/5r's have averaged 100+ppg on their 2 game streak while the Puff's have put up a solid 98 ppg.
• Can anyone Stop the FireChefs? Despite only 13 points from Peyton this team cruised to a 50 point victory over the #2 Taints.

2013 Fantasy Baseball Trophy Presentation

Ben Ji
140 East of Gods Country

Paddle Your Own Cano Wins!!!

Commissioner Van Heche Presents Cano's GM Steve Murphy with the Fantasy Baseball Trophy

The Cano's are you 2013 League of Extra Ordinary Gentlemen's champions after staging a comeback for the Century to topple the Furbush Fisters. The Cano's started sunday down over 30 points but came out firing scoring 73 points compared to the Fisters 22. Andy Petite and Yu Darvish were named Co-MVP's after putting up 33 and 28 points. 

It was a great season for all the squads out there but Stevie "Championship" Murphy ended up on top. 

Week 6 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of God's Country

THROW HIM IN THE POND!!

Injuries have devastated Jason Stanley's Fighting Matt Millen's, look for this team to go down quicker than Scotty Harris on a first date!

Whammy! Zamm Zap!

What do we make of the previously undefeated Taints? Are they for real? Are they as fake as Scotty's story about casey climbing on a dresser to piss on him? Should find out this week when they play the Firechefs!

Hey. Hey. Hey!

Perennial door mat Puff Puff Pass is only one game away from .500 but things may go "Up in Smoke" if Tom Brady keeps playing football like Scott Harris after 10 beers.

Without further ado here are your week 6 Power Rankings.

STUDS

1. FireChefs, 4-1 -

The FireChefs reclaim the top spot after scoring a league high 127 points. Peyton was Peyton and Ashley Jefferson did a superb job filling in for Megatron putting up a career best 27 points last week. With Rob Gronkowski returning to the lineup this squad is the team to beat.

2. 50 Shades of Taint, 4-1 -

The Taints picked up their first L last week with AD on a bye but scored a solid 93 points. Tony Bromo put up 40 points last week while old man Gore put up 15. GM Sven Murphy "Expects the Taints to come up GUNS BLAZING this week"  against the Arch-Rival FireChefs including a prediction "Not even close, Taints by 27".

DUDS

3. DezRespect Your Mother, 3-2 -

GM Casey Walker got on his team after sleepwalking through a victory over the Coyotes and chastised new addition Julian Edelman for giving up on routes. GM Casey Walker may want to take some of the blame himself after leaving Tie Hiton and his 26 points on the bench.

4. Polygamy Pounders, 3-2 -

Wow! 2 Weeks ago the pounders were 1-2 when GM Keane Cheese laid down the gauntlet on his players and they have responded. The Pounders put up an impressive 109 points last week led by Dez Bryant and Jason Witten.

5. Team McKinney, 2-3 -

Despite averaging 100 points the last 2 weeks the McKinneys are on a mini 2 game losing streak. New addition Fred Jackson scored 21 but fellow running back Ben Tate let him down with only 1 point. We caught up with Playboy owner Pearce McKinley at the local cabaret club. "You have to assume things will even out over the course of the season. We are one of the top scoring teams in the league and will continue to be is we can stay healthy. Now bring that dark skinned vixen over to daddy's lap"

6. I Touchdown There, 3-2 -

The Touchdowns continued their Ups and Downs putting up a lowly 70 points last week. You know things are bad when your Kicker is the leading scorer. GM Mike Brungardt has to be kicking himself for sending CJ Spiller(12 pts last week) off to the Matt Millens for Bernard "Backup" Peirce.

7. Matt Millen is My GM, 3-2 -

The bottom may have come out this week with Julio Jones out for the year and Ryan Matthews/Dexter McFadden/Greg Olsen/Cynthia Spiller/Ahmad Bradshaw all questionable or out. GM Jason Jones says "My team is open for business, as a buyer and a seller"

8. Dixieland Three Fifther's, 2-3 -

New addition Julius Thomas led the 3/5'rs to a come back victory last week with an impressive 24 points. Alfred Morris and Trent Richardson need to get going for this team to compete so the rumors that the three fifthers were on the edge of acquiring RB LeSean McCoy from the Puff's seem to have some credence. We can't confirm for sure but it appears the deal was done until Puff's GM Austin  Meyers got cold feet.

9. Puff Puff Pass, 2-3 -

Welcome to the starting lineup Cecil Shorts! Scoring 14 points in his first start Cecil Sparked a comeback no thanks to Tom Brady's 5 points.


PUDS

10. West Canaan Coyotes, 2-3 -

55 Points this week including a total of 11 from their starting QB and WR's...COMBINED...I guess that is all you can expect when you start a Ginger at QB.

11. Raw Dawgs, 1-4

Hey Hey Hey! The "Tough Luck" Dawgs finally got a W this week led by new QB Phillipe Rivers who was acquired for currently injured Ryan Matthews. If Knoshoe Moreno can continue being a stud(34 points in the last 2 weeks) this team may be able to salvage their season.

12. Johnny Footballs, 1-4 -

So goes Cam, so goes this team....and 6 points wont cut it. Head ball coach Tristan Trupka looked kind of down when I saw him browsing www.asiansboys2u.com the other day. "Every week is a new season I guess. We just need to remember we start this next week with a 0-0 record and, O this little Fernando is cute, better get 2 day shipping on him. But yeah, next week is a new week."

Week 5 Power Rankings

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of God's Country

Look at the big guy go! Stans! Hey Alrighty! Shooting up the power rankings this weekend like a coke can out of Jason Collin's butt hole!

Stud's

1. 50 Shades of Taint, 4-0

The Taint's put on a dominating performance this week including an amazing 65 points left on the bench. If Frank Gore can continue improving the sky is the limit according to GM Sven Murphy "Definitely, if Gore can keep up with AD this team is Hard to beat". Vegas odd's put the Taints as early favorite to take home another championship.

2. FireChefs, 3-1

The FireChef's had an off week putting up on 91 points but eeked out a 2 point victory over the Mothers. With 72% of their points coming from 3 players last week GM Justin Van Heche has been hitting the phones trying to find some depth. As long as Peyton Manning is at the helm this team can beat anyone though.

Milk Dud's

3. Matt Millen Is My GM, 3-1

The Millens Storm up the rankings this week after a come from behind victory over the Dawgs. AJ Yellow(5), Darren McFadden (2) and Newly acquired RB CJ Spiller(7) all had off weeks but luckily Drew Bree's did his best Bill Brasky impression and put the team on his back. Look for new addition Ryan Matthews to get significant minutes next weekend.

4. Team Mckinney, 2-2

The Fighting McKinney's had a solid week scoring 103 points but still got soundly beaten by 50 Shades. Four weeks of frustration at RB forced GM Pearce McKinley to deal Julian Thomas for RB Fred Jackson in a desperate bid to get some production.

5. I Touchdown There, 3-1

Escaping by the Chin of their Chinny Chin Chins the Touchdowns notched a W over the Johnny Footballs relying strongly on Matt Ryan(22) and Victor Cruz(22). Newly acquired RB Bernard "Backup" Pearce put a goose egg on the board for the Touchdowns.

6. DezRespect Your Mother, 2-2

Four Points is all the separates the 2-2 Mothers from being undefeated. RB Doug Martin needs to lock it up this week if the Mothers want the W. New addition Julian Edelman put up a solid 11 points in his debut with the Mothers and GM Casey Wayne was impressed "He looked good out there, he was a late week addition and should have a better grasp of the playbook next week"

7. Polygamy Pounders, 2-2

Putting up an impressive 119 points this week the pounders have slid up a bit in the rankings. Their team is hot and cold and could benefit from some stability at the QB Position. RB Darren Sproles(23 pts last week) put it this way "Tttt-hheey, ttheey, need to ttttooo ppp-ppiiccck oone"

8. West Canaan Coyotes, 2-2

Woo-Wee, this team is one John Moxson esque QB away from being a legit contender. Andy Dalton is not the solution and QB but GM Elk Musk Poole should have time to figure it out as long as RB Marshawn Lynch and Tony G keep putting up good numbers. When asked about his QB Position GM Poole said "Shhhh, be wvery wvery qwuiet, I'm Hwunting waabbits"

Super Pud's

9. Dixieland Three Fifthers, 1-3

The Talent is there but the 3/5'rs have yet to hit on all cylinders. Look for Team President Ben Keck to shake things up a bit, they have already acquired STUD TE Julius Thomas from the Fightin McKinneys.

10. Puff Puff Pass, 1-3

It wasn't pretty last week folks, besides Tom Brady and Lesean McCoy this team is desperately lacking in Talent. GM Austin "The Maid" Meyers is not happy and vowed that things will change soon.

11. Johnny Footballs, 1-3

Tough loss for the Footballs as they put up a solid 95pts but got the L. Keeper pick Ray Rice has been less than productive this year but GM Jennnnny Trupka likes him on the squad "He is very handy around the house! Sometimes I need him to reach deep into places Tristy, well, places where Tristy just can't reach very deep."

12. Raw Dawg, 0-4

This team has the talent but just can't buy a W. This could be a make or break week for the Dawgs as they take on the undefeated Taints. If they fall to 0-5 this season is essentially over.



This Week's Matchup's


5 Stars

The FireChefs(3-1) vs I Touchdown There(3-1)

A battle of two top teams this week. If the Touchdowns want some respect in the power rankings they will to take down the Mighty FireChefs. Look for Peyton and Crew to take care of business, FireChefs by 13.

3 Stars

West Caanan Coyotes(2-2) vs DezRespect Your Mother(2-2)

The Coyotes are suddenly a respectable ball club and face a desperate Mother's team on a 2 game skid. I predict the Mothers come out swinging and get a big W.

Polygamy Pounders(2-2) vs Matt Millen Is My GM(3-1)

The Fightin Matt Millens could climb into "STUD" territory this week but face a suddenly revitalized Pounders. This will be a dawg fight but in my expert* opinion the Millens just have too many weapons, Pounders lose by 4.

2 Stars

Puff Puff Pass(1-3) vs Team McKinney(3-1)

Not much intrigue here but the Puff Puff Pass's may have some new players suiting up by gametime.....McKinney by 23.

1 Star

Johnny Footballs(1-3) vs Dixieland Three Fifthers(1-3)

Crap teams in a crap game. You guyz probably shouldnt even watch this game because the score is probably going to change alot and I'll probably give myself a 10 point bonus for putting together such a great write up this week. Three Fifthers by 12.

Blurbs and Blubs

Ben Ji
140 Miles East of God's Country

Welcome to the first installment of "Blurbs and Blubs" your periodic peek around the league.



What to Watch for Tonight-

• The Firechefs need 26 pts from Peyton get a win over the Johnny Footballs. 
• The Fighting Matt Millen's started the day with a 5 point lead over the Taints but will need a huge day from Darren McFadden to hold off the Taints 3 players going tonight. 

Trade Talks?

• GM Pearce McKinley has indicated that TE Julian Thomas is on the block and he is reviewing several offers. If Thomas continues to play well his trade value will only increase. 
• Puff Puff Pass has tired of WR Cecil Shorts substance abuse and are looking to move him according to multiple sources.
• Another keeper from last year that may be on the block is Touchdowns RB CJ Spiller. 
• The suddenly vulnerable Firechefs are in desperate need of another RB after Reggie Bush's injury, look for GM C.W. to "Explore all options" in the coming weeks. 
• The Raw Dawg's have dug themselves a deep 0-3 hole and plan to shore up their receiving core before the end of the month. 
• Out in Utah the fans are growing disenchanted with their current 3 QB carousel, a couple of other GM's have hinted that Russel Wilson, Colin Kapernick and Alex Smith are all on the block. 
• Has Darryl Richardson fallen out of favors with the Fighting Matt Millen's?
• 
  

Dissapointing Starts-

• Just weeks after being crowned the top GM of K-State's Finest Bro's Keane Horner is sweating bullets after a 1-2 start. He released this statement exclusively to BWKNBNC "Look for shakeups in the near future, especially if the Pounders fall to 1-3. This kind of performance is unacceptable and as the greatest GM in the history of the KSFBFFBL, this kind of under performing cannot and will not be tolerated. Players will need to earn their place in Utah in the coming weeks"
• The Dawgs have dug themselves a 0-3 hole and put up a measly 35 points this week. GM Matt Murphy says "No doubt we are in a hole, but that is when its time to put on the boots and dig ourselves out"
• The Dixieland 3/5r's eeked out a 1 point victory over DezRespect Your Mother to narrowly avoid a 0-3 start. We couldn't reach GM Ben Keck for comment but his K-9 Director Of Fan Experience Lady gave us this quote "CAN WE WALK? IS IT TIME FOR FOOD? WATCH ME CHASE MY TAIL, HAHAHAHAHAHA! CAN WE WALK?"

Week 3 Power Rankings

1. The Firechefs- 2-0

The Firechefs put up another great showing last week but can they keep it up? Injury problems are already starting to pile up and the season is long. When reached for comment about their current injury issues Brooke and Justin simply responded "Its Bad"

2. Dezrespect your Mother- 2-0

The Mothers are HOT HOT HOT after scoring an impressive 118 points last week. With 6 starters ranked in the Top 10 of their respective position group this could be a season for the ages out on Lake Lotawana.

3. 50 Shades of Taint- 2-0

Despite Adrian Petersinmymouth measley 8 point performance The Taints cruised to an easy victory over #1 all time GM Keane Cheese. If Giovani Bernard can turn in to a stud ole Sven Murphy could be hoisting back to back trophys.

4. Team McKinney- 1-1

Hot potatoes! That was an impressive performance to win a shootout against the dawg last week.. Despite only 5 combined points from his RB's the McKinneys got the W and shot up in the power rankings.

5. Matt Millen is My GM- 2-0

Matt Millen's youngster's are 2-0 but they haven't faced very many tough challenges so far. Big game coming up this week against the #3 Taints.

6. I Touchdown There- 1-1

The Touchdowns cooled off this week and suddently have an Injury Crisis with Steven Jackson and Eddie Lacy out with Hemmroids.

7. Raw Dawgs - 0-2

Despite averaging over 100pts per game the Dawgs have yet to notch a W. I'm starting to have flashbacks to 2010 when Mike Vick Led Iraqi's Most Wanted to the Title Game before the terrorist attacks. Look for the Dawgs to pick up an easy win next week against puff puff pass.

8. Dixieland 3/5'rs - 0-2

The Dixielander's are 0-2 Despite averaging over 90 points a game and with the #2 Mothers coming to town next week they need to lock it up to avoid a devestating 0-3 start.

9. West Caanan Coyotes- 1-1

The Coyotes got the W last week while only scoring a measly 73 points. GM Elk Musk Poole will need more production from players not named Marshawn Lynch if they want to take down the Touchdowns next week.

10. Polygamy Pounders- 1-1

Is this the year the Pounders finally miss the playoffs? They got embarrased last week by the Taints and face an uncertain future with Larry Fitzgerald and Dez Bryant both injured.

11. Puff Puff Pass - 0-2

This team has some Talent with Tom Brady, Lesean McCoy and Vernon Davis but they cant seem to get everyone rolling.

12. Johnny Footballs- 0-2

Have you even checked your team this year?

Week 2 Power Rankings

******SPECIAL PICTURE EDITION*******


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All Time Rankings(Football)

We hear the talk all the time.

"Your a shit fantasy owner" "Your team is hot garbage who couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag"

"Did Stevie Wonder pick your team?"

"I hope you have retarded children"

But how do we know who the best fantasy owner really is? Is it the team with the most titles? The team that has made the playoffs every year? What about the crap teams at the bottom of the league? Is Pearce really a better GM than Casey?

Thankfully your faithful GM's Ben Keck and Stevie Murphy took some time out of their busy days of PornHub/GoEmaw/Banging Chicks(Steve)/Rosterbating to rank every fantasy owner.

Quick Scoring Breakdown

Low is good.

Each team is assigned a score from 1-12 in 4 categories with the highest ranked team receiving a 1 and the lowest ranked team receiving a 12. If there is a tie that cannot be easily decided both teams are awarded the same number.

Each category is weighted with importance, Total championships count for 40% of your total score while Winning Percentage/Points Per Year/Playoff Win Percentage each count for 20%.

A perfect score would be 1.25.

Add everything up and we have a good overall picture of just who the best Fantasy GM's are....and some of the results may SHOCK YOU.


Overall Stats

Championships 40% of score

1.       Ben Keck – 2* (2008/9)

2.       Steve Murphy – 1 (2012)

3.       Keane Horner – 1 (2011)

The first category we chose was championships...everyone knows you can't be #1 without winning a title so we made this category worth 40% of your total score. Ben Ji has the tie breaker over Steve and Keane due to his helms title from 2008. ***2010 Title was destroyed in a Terrorist Attack***

Scoring Example- Ben Ji received a 1, Steve/Keane received a 2, Everyone else received a 4. 

Win % 20% of score

1.       Steve Murphy – .673

2.       Keane Horner – .654

3.       Matt Murphy – .641

4.       Mike Brungardt – .538^

5.       Justin VanHecke – .500

6.       Jason Stanley – .481

7.       Austin Meyers – .462^

8.       Ben Keck – .423

9.       Pearce McKinley – .410

10.   Casey Walker – .385

11.   Harrison Poole – .365

12.   Tristan Trupka – .359

Since we have had a couple expansion/relocation's after the Terrorist attacks of 2010 we decided to use winning percentage over total wins in order adequately represent our new owners. The big surprise here is that two time champion Ben Ji Keck has a below .500 career record. 

Total Points (Per Year Avg.) 20% of score

1.       Keane Horner – 1,236

2.       Matt Murphy – 1,198

3.       Steve Murphy – 1,173

4.       Casey Walker – 1,148

5.       Pearce McKinley – 1,132

6.       Jason Stanley – 1,120

7.       Justin VanHecke – 1,118

8.       Austin Meyers – 1,115^

9.       Mike Brungardt – 1,105^

10.   Ben Keck – 1,103

11.   Tristan Trupka – 1,083

12.   Harrison Poole – 1,019

Look at ole Casey Wayne up there at #4, pretty impressive for a team that has never made the playoffs...Maybe his teams have been snake bitten all these years?

Playoff W/L (Appearance %) 20% of score*Bye's count as W's

1.       Ben Keck – 3-1 (50%)

2.       Keane Horner – 5-3 (100%)

3.       Steve Murphy – 4-3 (100%)

4.       Matt Murphy – 3-3 (100%)

5.       Harrison Poole – 1-1 (25%)

6.       Justin VanHecke – 1-2 (50%)

7.       Jason Stanley – 0-1 (25%)

8.       Mike Brungardt – 0-1 (100%)^

9.       Pearce McKinley – 0-0 (0%)

10.   Tristan Trupka - 0-0 (0%)

11.   Casey Walker - 0-0 (0%)

12.   Austin Meyers - 0-0 (0%)^

The best teams get the job done when the money is on the line.


Final Rankings

#1 Keane Horner -2.2

Apparently there is nothing else to do in Utah besides Roster-Bate and drink 3.2 beer. GM Keane Horner has become the top GM in the league by way of never missing the playoffs and winning the title back in 2011.

#2 Steve Murphy- 2.8

Ole Sven Murphy is right up there with Cheese in his Manic dedication to the Craft of Fantasy Football. Just like Cheese he has made the playoffs every year and took the title back to Kansas last year. Great work all around Stevie.

#3 Matt Murphy- 4.1

Our first big surprise has the Raw Dawg Matt Murphy sitting pretty at #3. While the Dawg has never won a title he has made the playoffs and won a game each of his 3 years. Could this be the year the Dawg finally escapes from his kennel?

#4 Ben Keck- 6.05

The good news is that 2013 is an odd year and ole Ben Ji seems to excel in odd years. In 2009 he won the title and in 2011 he was the #1 seed before losing in the semifinals to Keene.  The bad news is that his teams have been a bucket of fetid sewage in even years taking last overall in 2010 and 2012.


#5 Justin Van Heche- 6.8

The definition of Average here Justin has gone 6-7/7-6/7-6/6-7 the past 4 years. Hopefully the promotion of Strength & Conditioning coach Brook Kaiser to Offensive Coordinator will allow them to compete at a new level.

#6 Jason Stanley- 7.1

Stans Stans Stans Stans. With only 1 winning season in 4 years its a wonder you are this high on the list.

#7 Mike Brungardt- 7.4

Mikey Gomez joined the league last year and has a solid 7-6 performance. A couple more good years and he could find himself a lil higher up in the rankings.

#8 Pearce McKinley- 8

3 years with no playoff appearances....At least last year was his first winning season!


#8 Casey Walker- 8

Despite averaging the 4h most points per year the Walkers have yet to have a winning season or make the playoffs. Stephanie Walker has vowed that will change this fall as she brings her Dixie mind to the organization.

#10 Austin Meyers- 8.3

Despite going 6-7 in his inaugural year the Puff Puff Pass's are pretty low on this list.

#11 Harrison Poole- 9.8

Despite going 8-5 last year Harrison Poole is near the bottom of the list after 2 disastrous years on 2010 and 2011.

#12 Tristan Trupka- 10.7

3 Years of Frustration can provide alot of momentum on a swing.